Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Passions of the Jewish Writer


Being an Israeli (American) writer & director (and thus, a Jew), let me first apologize up front for belonging to a media-strong ethnic minority. Please don’t hold it against me.
Blowing my own horn for a minute, if I may, I’ll have to say I’m a genuine bad boy, who thinks, writes and acts totally different. Well, a rehabilitated, settled bad boy, anyway.

Cynical thriller comedy. A high-class call girl sleeps with a mysterious big shot blindfolded, and the condom is torn. Only her slick pimp knows the identity of the client, a big time mob boss. The gangster is son-less, has four daughters and craving for a male heir. When she informs her pimp she’s pregnant, the genius puts two and two together and the fun begins.

He ‘confesses’ to his call girl about his love and persuades her to marry him and keep the baby. On the other hand, the mob boss gives his lawful wife a last chance and impregnates her. The two births take place at the same time in different hospitals. We learn to know one of the women gave birth to a baby boy, yet we don’t quite know whom.

The first atheistic biblical Animation series. Ever.
Now in color!

Children get kidnapped all over the country. A month later they are found on the street corner, not a scratch on them. They reunite with their loving families.
The only problem is: they miss their kidnapper.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Um, gee, call girls... why are they fascinatning? I'm not sure... wait for it... oh yes, you pay them and they have sex with you!

What is there about callgirls that make them so fascinating to men? Especially in the viewing and reading about them. Even the esteemed Gabriel Garcia Marques has fallen to the impulse, in probably his last novel: Memories of My Melancholy Whores.

In my years in the hotel business in San Francisco there was one I knew who was the most fascinating of them all.

A blonde & beautiful courtesan extraordinaire--bright & witty & can analyze a financial report.
Obsessive-compulsive for economic independence, she courts danger in a relationship that almost becomes fatal. But she survives, undeterred, and sets her sights on higher goals.

(Incidentally, I am a Canadian; worth some production points, I

Friday, December 16, 2005

Well at least you will save on above the line fees.

Logline: She died in his arms a hundred years ago--Can he save her this time?

Dead Again meets Dirty Harry as a Metro cop living on the edge slowly realizes an attractive reporter trying to expose his alleged brutality is his love from a previous life.

Synopsis: An attractive woman in her 30’s comes home to her upscale townhouse late at night as two ski masked attackers rappel off the roof and crash through her picture window, A fire fight erupts and she makes it to the bedroom where she wrestles an ornate silver engraved 45 automatic from her lingerie drawer dropping one of the would be killers. But before she can cap the other, he draws a bead on her and….

In a cavalry barrack in 1866, a captain wakes from his prophetic, reoccurring nightmare in a sweat, sits up abruptly and aims an ornate silver engraved Colt .44 revolver at the nightmare in order to save the beautiful woman in her strange surroundings. He is a Custer-like officer who runs a garrison that protects settles from marauding Indians.

His strong leadership and charismatic demeanor are quickly established as he handles skirmishes with the Indians harassing wagon trains passing though. One such train gives us our first act story beat as a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and a striking manor climbs down from a wagon as he arrives to greet them. THE SAME WOMAN FROM HIS REOCCURRING NIGHTMARE.

Needless to say he is shocked and pleased and a romantic interlude proceeds wherein he woos her and they fall desperately in love. But alas, she is a mail order bride contracted to a Gold Country Miner in California so she upholds her honor against her emotions and leaves with the wagon train.

Just before dawn he awakes from the same nightmare but this time she is shooting at Indians. He forms his troops and rides hard to where the wagon train is under attack but before his men can prevail she is shot and dies in his arms, whispering, “Another time perhaps.”

In a headstrong rage he rides into the Indians and is fatally shot. As his horse carries him away his life ebbs and we go CLOSE ON HIS EYES then PULL BACK on the SAME ACTOR, clean shaven with short hair and in a Metropolitan mounted police uniform riding into a big city riot with a grim look and swinging baton.

Meet present day officer at the page 15 story beat. In his holster we see the same engraved scroll work automatic pistol the woman in the opening scene used to fight off her ski masked attackers.

During the remainder of Act 1 we explore the ugly underworld this cynical cop faces and one particular drug lord that has plagued and eluded him for years. Into this maelstrom of sub genre of society enters an upcoming newspaper reporter doing a story on Police harassment. The woman from the opening shoot out scene and the same actor as the wagon train woman.

My script is an action/adventure love story: A Dead Again meets The Last Boy Scout, if you would. It is the about a man and a woman whose love is so strong it bridges the gap of almost two centuries.

It is about an old homeless relic who believes he's the reincarnation of a famous historical figure and is intent on proving it.

It is about a vicious villain who confronts this undaunted trio in order to correct what he feels are past transgressions--a 150 year old vendetta.

A San Francisco Police Captain is called The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse: Apathy--because there is nothing he cares about. Why? He lost the only thing he really loved sometime ago and since that tragedy, he has created a hard shell of cynicism and indifference that is finally challenged by the very persona of the woman he let die in his arms.

The film centers on how he regains his character, self esteem and his love as he moves through a series of remarkable, action packed events.

And now, for something completely different!

Dear all,

Rather than surprising you with unsolicited material, I would first like to ask whether your company accepts inquiries, for I'd like to pitch my feature length screenplay to you. If so, I'd be glad to send you a query letter and if desired, the completed script. I hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,


Well, I still don't accept unsolicited queries, but I appreciate your politeness and competent writing skills!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Wait... I feel as if this query has made me go back in time!

Logline: While exploring an inland sea, a Spanish galleon runs aground and is lost in the shifting sands that eventually become the southern California desert. Centuries latter, a father and son search for a modern day treasure hunter who has fractured time on his quest for the legendary treasure ship.

The daugher of a famous singer is an acquaintance and has been a great help. Two weeks after she read an early draft of my script, I received personal phone calls from both Arnold Swarzenegger and Steven Segal. They said they loved it and to stay by the phone. That was February 04, and since that time Arnold has become extremely busy. But there is still hope, as I have been watching his recent poll ratings. Steven called me from Hong Kong that same week, but with his New York Mafia troubles and his career taking a turn, he may not get back.

Synopsis: In 1612, Spain commissions a galleon to bring riches from the new world to an empire ravaged by plague and poverty. Seeking a safer route free of pirates and buccaneers, she enters a vast inland sea, and soon becomes trapped in what will eventually become the southern California desert.

Monday, December 12, 2005

I personally do not want to read your screenplay

I personally want to do bring back the magic of movies by being unpredictable and creative. I have written a screenplay and I would like to submit it to you for consideration. It is a unique comedy with interesting perspectives about life, death and love.

After his death, a man returns for what he believes is to look after his former lover. However, she has a new flame in the shape of his rival. But the man is a ghost; he can just scare the new man away, right?

Problem is he doesn't know how to scare. The answer, a school that teaches ghosts how to haunt.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Evil Fairies from Beyond the Grave!!!

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen:

Our gal had always been a strange sister, so when a fairy met our gal's fairy godmother for the upcoming ball, she didn't think much of it. Sure, the fairy godmother was mean and drank scotch, but then again, the lead was a personal injury lawyer, so allowances had to be made about her mental stability.

After refusing to go the ball and disgust the prince with her appearance, the first fairy wakes to find her roommate dead and the lawyer still thirsty for blood. With the first strike of midnight, she's gone and the fairy's bleeding. Kill or be killed, the ghosts finally convince her. Armed with only her shoes, the fairy has to survive the ball, ignore the prince, and kill her sister to stay alive.

Nicer than the ghosts in The Sixth Sense, more honest than Cinderella, and bloody as Scream's little sister, my script is a fairy tale willing to bleed its way to the ball.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

They're after me lucky charms!


A dying old man passes on a long lost, Knights Templar secret...the existence of a magical bridge. One man, his daughter and escapee brother are on the run to the bridge of time and the mythical treasure of the ages...




On Earth, there is but only one time, one place and one life, or is there...

Man has always dreamed down throughout the Centuries, always searched the seas, sought the answer in the Heavens, for the treasures of the ages and for himself...but now we need each other.

One man, a forty Seven year old Scottish ex-rock musician and ex-con is happily running his craft shop in the Highlands of Scotland and awaits the arrival of his seventeen year old daughter to join him for the weekend. A weekend which will change their lives forever...for his fifty four year old brother is still a con and still on the lookout for one big score but now on the run and undertaken to carry out a dying old man's last wish...

A wish to find the wealth which lies beyond human comprehension. The ultimate treasure which has proved elusive through the ages and where even the skies flow with jewels, coins and medallions. For the old man has seen it with his own eyes in...the magical bridge.

The old man divulges a long lost and life long Templar secret that the mythical bridge that sleeps, lies at a sacred site which can be conjured back up from the mists of time and holds the untold of riches from human history...

The musician, his daughter, and his borther set out on an age old quest through the glens and mountains of ancient Scotland. But they are on the run and in disguise with many people hot on their trail...The Government, the Police, two angry husbands and the Knights Templars. Can they reach their goal, find the sacred site and open the gateway into this mythical lost land...

A comic tale unfolds of adventure, the search for treasure and the wisdom of the ancients, but the world is waiting and time is finally running out. The whole of civilisation depends on two sinners and the truth or will our future hopes and dreams disappear with the bridge forever...

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Some Scrooge in drag for this holiday season

What do you get when you put Scrooge in a sequined dress?

You get a spoiled pop star whose Christmas season is anything but joyous. I would like to submit my script, a holiday fantasy screenplay, to your company.

A self-centered diva wants everything her way and demands that everyone around her put Christmas on hold for her career.

Enter an angel in search of her wings with just one assignment- drag the scrooge-like diva into the spirit of season.

With a snap of her fingers, the angel and the diva change places. While the singer sees Christmas through the eyes of the less fortunate, the angel gets busy changing the singer's world.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Cue Ghostbusters theme!

Synopsis: Two filmmakers and a cameraman give you a “real” and “un-cut” look by “taking matters into their own hands“, investigating the most haunted locations in historic parts of Nevada proving to the government(who cover-up the existence of Area 51/ aliens, ironically in Nevada) and people world-wide that ghosts exist by what they’ve unexpectedly caught on film:…voices…a full-bodied apparition…orbs…a possession at a séance…active poltergeists…and a plethora of unexplained phenomena pack this powerful and controversial film. This film builds in intensity from the beginning to end, as the small crew & cast visit locations with an increased history of hauntings from the previous investigation…The finale is a true horror-shocker when the filmmakers are pad-locked for an entire night inside the Goldfield Hotel; featured in 2001 on “Scariest Places on Earth”- Fox TV...what happens there will ask... “Now do you believe?"

Friday, December 02, 2005

Is it too easy for me to title this "The Iceman Cometh"? I guess not.


A ski resort mistakenly frees the prehistoric iceman from an icy tomb. The iceman begins a rampage of hunting, killing, and eating humans.


As the Ice Age begins, embracing the world in a shroud of ice, the iceman makes his terrifying entrance by beginning a rampage of hunting, killing, and eating cavemen. The cavemen decide that the iceman must be stopped and they decide to bury him in a remote cave. While waiting for an ice storm to pass, the iceman devours the cavemen, but subsequently discovers that the ice storm has entombed him. The only record of the iceman is a cave drawing, residing with the entombed iceman.

In present day, a ski resort is being built on a picturesque mountain slope. Construction workers open the remote cave and unknowingly release the iceman from his icy tomb, with the iceman beginning a new reign of terror.

A budding Anthropologist discovers that the teeth marks on the bones of cavemen match the teeth marks on recent victims. He deciphers the cave drawing and tries to warn people that the iceman is responsible for the recent killings.

His father is the resort developer, who fights to finish the ski resort, while dismissing the existence of the iceman.

The Anthropologist enlists the support of a crusty old tracker, the local Sheriff, and a Forest Ranger in hunting down the iceman. Using the Anthropologist as bait, the iceman is lured into a trap. In a suspenseful moment the iceman is frozen using the ski resort's snow-making machines. The world is safe.

The developer turns the iceman into an exhibit at the grand opening of the ski resort. As everyone is basking in the spotlight of having stopped the iceman forever, the ice holding the iceman captive starts to melt.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Starring Woody Harrelson

Good afternoon Empress. I have a moving contemporary comedy-drama spec that I thought you might be interested to see.

"In the present day, a derelict hippie on the lam returns home to rebuild an old commune from the ashes of the past. But the girl he loved, the son he never knew and a new-born baby pull him irresistably into the present and coax from him a confession that will finally set him free."

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I hope he feels the need to FLIP OUT and KILL SOMEONE

Logline: A street racer uncovers a broken artifact while working in a museum warehouse, which releases a banished ninja spirit into his body. They must learn to work together in order to prevent a ninja sorcerer from unleashing an ancient demon plague upon humanity.


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Apparently this author has not heard of PERSONAL ADS

LOGLINE: A single woman bets her three married friends that she can find a date anywhere in the USA in time for a charity ball.

SUMMARY: A twenty-eight year old woman wakes up in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pressure. After a series of grueling medical tests – all negative, her doctor tells her that she’s worrying too much and that what she really needs is a man. Incensed over this “medical” advice, she complains to her three married friends, who agree with the doctor. Insisting that the lack of a male companion is not her problem, she claims that finding a man is easy. She makes a $10,000 bet with her three Nashville friends that she can find a date anywhere in the USA in time for the Begonia Ball, which is four days away. Her friends send her to Texas, where she searches desperately for a handsome prince to take to the ball.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Not my cup of tea

I'd like to show you if I may an available action thriller feature spec:

An American Professor and his beautiful companion race across the world, one step ahead of assassins, in search of a Native
American boy who is the key to an ancient legend involving the Old Testament's Tree of Life. (Indiana Jones meets the English Patient.)

Would you like to get a copy at the above address and if so, to whose attention would you like it addressed?