Query Letters I Love

The Passions of the Jewish Writer

2005-12-20T10:53:00.000-08:00

Hello,

Being an Israeli (American) writer & director (and thus, a Jew), let me first apologize up front for belonging to a media-strong ethnic minority. Please don’t hold it against me.
Blowing my own horn for a minute, if I may, I’ll have to say I’m a genuine bad boy, who thinks, writes and acts totally different. Well, a rehabilitated, settled bad boy, anyway.

Cynical thriller comedy. A high-class call girl sleeps with a mysterious big shot blindfolded, and the condom is torn. Only her slick pimp knows the identity of the client, a big time mob boss. The gangster is son-less, has four daughters and craving for a male heir. When she informs her pimp she’s pregnant, the genius puts two and two together and the fun begins.

He ‘confesses’ to his call girl about his love and persuades her to marry him and keep the baby. On the other hand, the mob boss gives his lawful wife a last chance and impregnates her. The two births take place at the same time in different hospitals. We learn to know one of the women gave birth to a baby boy, yet we don’t quite know whom.
__________

The first atheistic biblical Animation series. Ever.
Now in color!
__________

Children get kidnapped all over the country. A month later they are found on the street corner, not a scratch on them. They reunite with their loving families.
The only problem is: they miss their kidnapper.

Um, gee, call girls... why are they fascinatning? I'm not sure... wait for it... oh yes, you pay them and they have sex with you!

2005-12-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

What is there about callgirls that make them so fascinating to men? Especially in the viewing and reading about them. Even the esteemed Gabriel Garcia Marques has fallen to the impulse, in probably his last novel: Memories of My Melancholy Whores.

In my years in the hotel business in San Francisco there was one I knew who was the most fascinating of them all.

A blonde & beautiful courtesan extraordinaire--bright & witty & can analyze a financial report.
Obsessive-compulsive for economic independence, she courts danger in a relationship that almost becomes fatal. But she survives, undeterred, and sets her sights on higher goals.

(Incidentally, I am a Canadian; worth some production points, I
understand.)

Well at least you will save on above the line fees.

2005-12-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

Logline: She died in his arms a hundred years ago--Can he save her this time?

Dead Again meets Dirty Harry as a Metro cop living on the edge slowly realizes an attractive reporter trying to expose his alleged brutality is his love from a previous life.

Synopsis: An attractive woman in her 30’s comes home to her upscale townhouse late at night as two ski masked attackers rappel off the roof and crash through her picture window, A fire fight erupts and she makes it to the bedroom where she wrestles an ornate silver engraved 45 automatic from her lingerie drawer dropping one of the would be killers. But before she can cap the other, he draws a bead on her and….

In a cavalry barrack in 1866, a captain wakes from his prophetic, reoccurring nightmare in a sweat, sits up abruptly and aims an ornate silver engraved Colt .44 revolver at the nightmare in order to save the beautiful woman in her strange surroundings. He is a Custer-like officer who runs a garrison that protects settles from marauding Indians.

His strong leadership and charismatic demeanor are quickly established as he handles skirmishes with the Indians harassing wagon trains passing though. One such train gives us our first act story beat as a beautiful woman with long blonde hair and a striking manor climbs down from a wagon as he arrives to greet them. THE SAME WOMAN FROM HIS REOCCURRING NIGHTMARE.

Needless to say he is shocked and pleased and a romantic interlude proceeds wherein he woos her and they fall desperately in love. But alas, she is a mail order bride contracted to a Gold Country Miner in California so she upholds her honor against her emotions and leaves with the wagon train.

Just before dawn he awakes from the same nightmare but this time she is shooting at Indians. He forms his troops and rides hard to where the wagon train is under attack but before his men can prevail she is shot and dies in his arms, whispering, “Another time perhaps.”

In a headstrong rage he rides into the Indians and is fatally shot. As his horse carries him away his life ebbs and we go CLOSE ON HIS EYES then PULL BACK on the SAME ACTOR, clean shaven with short hair and in a Metropolitan mounted police uniform riding into a big city riot with a grim look and swinging baton.

Meet present day officer at the page 15 story beat. In his holster we see the same engraved scroll work automatic pistol the woman in the opening scene used to fight off her ski masked attackers.

During the remainder of Act 1 we explore the ugly underworld this cynical cop faces and one particular drug lord that has plagued and eluded him for years. Into this maelstrom of sub genre of society enters an upcoming newspaper reporter doing a story on Police harassment. The woman from the opening shoot out scene and the same actor as the wagon train woman.

My script is an action/adventure love story: A Dead Again meets The Last Boy Scout, if you would. It is the about a man and a woman whose love is so strong it bridges the gap of almost two centuries.

It is about an old homeless relic who believes he's the reincarnation of a famous historical figure and is intent on proving it.

It is about a vicious villain who confronts this undaunted trio in order to correct what he feels are past transgressions--a 150 year old vendetta.

A San Francisco Police Captain is called The Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse: Apathy--because there is nothing he cares about. Why? He lost the only thing he really loved sometime ago and since that tragedy, he has created a hard shell of cynicism and indifference that is finally challenged by the very persona of the woman he let die in his arms.

The film centers on how he regains his character, self esteem and his love as he moves through a series of remarkable, action packed events.

And now, for something completely different!

2005-12-16T11:43:00.000-08:00

Dear all,

Rather than surprising you with unsolicited material, I would first like to ask whether your company accepts inquiries, for I'd like to pitch my feature length screenplay to you. If so, I'd be glad to send you a query letter and if desired, the completed script. I hope to hear from you soon.

Best Regards,

Writer

Well, I still don't accept unsolicited queries, but I appreciate your politeness and competent writing skills!

Wait... I feel as if this query has made me go back in time!

2005-12-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

Logline: While exploring an inland sea, a Spanish galleon runs aground and is lost in the shifting sands that eventually become the southern California desert. Centuries latter, a father and son search for a modern day treasure hunter who has fractured time on his quest for the legendary treasure ship.

The daugher of a famous singer is an acquaintance and has been a great help. Two weeks after she read an early draft of my script, I received personal phone calls from both Arnold Swarzenegger and Steven Segal. They said they loved it and to stay by the phone. That was February 04, and since that time Arnold has become extremely busy. But there is still hope, as I have been watching his recent poll ratings. Steven called me from Hong Kong that same week, but with his New York Mafia troubles and his career taking a turn, he may not get back.

Synopsis: In 1612, Spain commissions a galleon to bring riches from the new world to an empire ravaged by plague and poverty. Seeking a safer route free of pirates and buccaneers, she enters a vast inland sea, and soon becomes trapped in what will eventually become the southern California desert.

I personally do not want to read your screenplay

2005-12-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

I personally want to do bring back the magic of movies by being unpredictable and creative. I have written a screenplay and I would like to submit it to you for consideration. It is a unique comedy with interesting perspectives about life, death and love.

After his death, a man returns for what he believes is to look after his former lover. However, she has a new flame in the shape of his rival. But the man is a ghost; he can just scare the new man away, right?

Problem is he doesn't know how to scare. The answer, a school that teaches ghosts how to haunt.

Evil Fairies from Beyond the Grave!!!

2005-12-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen:

Our gal had always been a strange sister, so when a fairy met our gal's fairy godmother for the upcoming ball, she didn't think much of it. Sure, the fairy godmother was mean and drank scotch, but then again, the lead was a personal injury lawyer, so allowances had to be made about her mental stability.

After refusing to go the ball and disgust the prince with her appearance, the first fairy wakes to find her roommate dead and the lawyer still thirsty for blood. With the first strike of midnight, she's gone and the fairy's bleeding. Kill or be killed, the ghosts finally convince her. Armed with only her shoes, the fairy has to survive the ball, ignore the prince, and kill her sister to stay alive.

Nicer than the ghosts in The Sixth Sense, more honest than Cinderella, and bloody as Scream's little sister, my script is a fairy tale willing to bleed its way to the ball.

They're after me lucky charms!

2005-12-07T10:45:00.000-08:00

Logline:

A dying old man passes on a long lost, Knights Templar secret...the existence of a magical bridge. One man, his daughter and escapee brother are on the run to the bridge of time and the mythical treasure of the ages...

Genre:

Adventure/fantasy

SYNOPSIS:

On Earth, there is but only one time, one place and one life, or is there...

Man has always dreamed down throughout the Centuries, always searched the seas, sought the answer in the Heavens, for the treasures of the ages and for himself...but now we need each other.

One man, a forty Seven year old Scottish ex-rock musician and ex-con is happily running his craft shop in the Highlands of Scotland and awaits the arrival of his seventeen year old daughter to join him for the weekend. A weekend which will change their lives forever...for his fifty four year old brother is still a con and still on the lookout for one big score but now on the run and undertaken to carry out a dying old man's last wish...

A wish to find the wealth which lies beyond human comprehension. The ultimate treasure which has proved elusive through the ages and where even the skies flow with jewels, coins and medallions. For the old man has seen it with his own eyes in...the magical bridge.

The old man divulges a long lost and life long Templar secret that the mythical bridge that sleeps, lies at a sacred site which can be conjured back up from the mists of time and holds the untold of riches from human history...

The musician, his daughter, and his borther set out on an age old quest through the glens and mountains of ancient Scotland. But they are on the run and in disguise with many people hot on their trail...The Government, the Police, two angry husbands and the Knights Templars. Can they reach their goal, find the sacred site and open the gateway into this mythical lost land...

A comic tale unfolds of adventure, the search for treasure and the wisdom of the ancients, but the world is waiting and time is finally running out. The whole of civilisation depends on two sinners and the truth or will our future hopes and dreams disappear with the bridge forever...

Some Scrooge in drag for this holiday season

2005-12-06T10:36:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you put Scrooge in a sequined dress?

You get a spoiled pop star whose Christmas season is anything but joyous. I would like to submit my script, a holiday fantasy screenplay, to your company.

A self-centered diva wants everything her way and demands that everyone around her put Christmas on hold for her career.

Enter an angel in search of her wings with just one assignment- drag the scrooge-like diva into the spirit of season.

With a snap of her fingers, the angel and the diva change places. While the singer sees Christmas through the eyes of the less fortunate, the angel gets busy changing the singer's world.

Cue Ghostbusters theme!

2005-12-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

Synopsis: Two filmmakers and a cameraman give you a “real” and “un-cut” look by “taking matters into their own hands“, investigating the most haunted locations in historic parts of Nevada proving to the government(who cover-up the existence of Area 51/ aliens, ironically in Nevada) and people world-wide that ghosts exist by what they’ve unexpectedly caught on film:…voices…a full-bodied apparition…orbs…a possession at a séance…active poltergeists…and a plethora of unexplained phenomena pack this powerful and controversial film. This film builds in intensity from the beginning to end, as the small crew & cast visit locations with an increased history of hauntings from the previous investigation…The finale is a true horror-shocker when the filmmakers are pad-locked for an entire night inside the Goldfield Hotel; featured in 2001 on “Scariest Places on Earth”- Fox TV...what happens there will ask... “Now do you believe?"

Is it too easy for me to title this "The Iceman Cometh"? I guess not.

2005-12-02T10:40:00.000-08:00

LOGLINE:

A ski resort mistakenly frees the prehistoric iceman from an icy tomb. The iceman begins a rampage of hunting, killing, and eating humans.

SYNOPSIS:

As the Ice Age begins, embracing the world in a shroud of ice, the iceman makes his terrifying entrance by beginning a rampage of hunting, killing, and eating cavemen. The cavemen decide that the iceman must be stopped and they decide to bury him in a remote cave. While waiting for an ice storm to pass, the iceman devours the cavemen, but subsequently discovers that the ice storm has entombed him. The only record of the iceman is a cave drawing, residing with the entombed iceman.

In present day, a ski resort is being built on a picturesque mountain slope. Construction workers open the remote cave and unknowingly release the iceman from his icy tomb, with the iceman beginning a new reign of terror.

A budding Anthropologist discovers that the teeth marks on the bones of cavemen match the teeth marks on recent victims. He deciphers the cave drawing and tries to warn people that the iceman is responsible for the recent killings.

His father is the resort developer, who fights to finish the ski resort, while dismissing the existence of the iceman.

The Anthropologist enlists the support of a crusty old tracker, the local Sheriff, and a Forest Ranger in hunting down the iceman. Using the Anthropologist as bait, the iceman is lured into a trap. In a suspenseful moment the iceman is frozen using the ski resort's snow-making machines. The world is safe.

The developer turns the iceman into an exhibit at the grand opening of the ski resort. As everyone is basking in the spotlight of having stopped the iceman forever, the ice holding the iceman captive starts to melt.

Starring Woody Harrelson

2005-12-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon Empress. I have a moving contemporary comedy-drama spec that I thought you might be interested to see.

"In the present day, a derelict hippie on the lam returns home to rebuild an old commune from the ashes of the past. But the girl he loved, the son he never knew and a new-born baby pull him irresistably into the present and coax from him a confession that will finally set him free."

I hope he feels the need to FLIP OUT and KILL SOMEONE

2005-11-30T09:48:00.000-08:00

Logline: A street racer uncovers a broken artifact while working in a museum warehouse, which releases a banished ninja spirit into his body. They must learn to work together in order to prevent a ninja sorcerer from unleashing an ancient demon plague upon humanity.

http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm

Apparently this author has not heard of PERSONAL ADS

2005-11-29T10:11:00.000-08:00

LOGLINE: A single woman bets her three married friends that she can find a date anywhere in the USA in time for a charity ball.

SUMMARY: A twenty-eight year old woman wakes up in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pressure. After a series of grueling medical tests – all negative, her doctor tells her that she’s worrying too much and that what she really needs is a man. Incensed over this “medical” advice, she complains to her three married friends, who agree with the doctor. Insisting that the lack of a male companion is not her problem, she claims that finding a man is easy. She makes a $10,000 bet with her three Nashville friends that she can find a date anywhere in the USA in time for the Begonia Ball, which is four days away. Her friends send her to Texas, where she searches desperately for a handsome prince to take to the ball.

Not my cup of tea

2005-11-22T00:13:00.000-08:00

I'd like to show you if I may an available action thriller feature spec:

An American Professor and his beautiful companion race across the world, one step ahead of assassins, in search of a Native
American boy who is the key to an ancient legend involving the Old Testament's Tree of Life. (Indiana Jones meets the English Patient.)

Would you like to get a copy at the above address and if so, to whose attention would you like it addressed?

Larry Blotter and the Ripoff From the 37th and a Half Dimension

2005-11-18T10:51:00.000-08:00

I write in regards to my full-length screenplay, which I would like for you to consider. Spoof comedy would best classify the work as it is a take off from many of the popular sci-fi and fantasy movies of the past three decades. Though the story is driven by pop-culture humor, the story can stand on its own.

Logline: What do you get when a midget-wizard from earth mates with the universe's most heralded intergalactic knight? You get a less than immaculate heir to the title of world savior.

Synopsis: Rife with spoof comedy and clichés, our hero's past resurfaces when he receives his acceptance letter to Pigmole's School of Witchcraft and Conartistry seven years late at the age of 18. Gambling his way to earth with his alcoholic uncle, his lifelong guardian after an evil villain killed his parents, he finds that that same villain means to finish the job and someone close to him is going to help him. If that were not enough to deal with, he has not inherited either of his parents' powers and his classmates are 7 years his juniors. We couldn't make this stuff up, but, oh, we just did.

When Random Themes Converge

2005-11-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Sirs,

I would like to see if you would consider reading my script, a supernatural thriller.

My script tells the story of a college student who falls in love with a young woman whose dreams foretell the future. When she dreams of her imminent murder, he must solve a series of mystic riddles and defeat a sinister occult society, in a race against time to save her life.

The themes of my script range from lucid dreaming, precognitive nightmares and astral projection, to 19th century paintings, romantic poetry and occult Tarot cards.

Oy vey and a half

2005-11-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

We would like to submit the details of our screenplay for your review.
Thank you very much for your consideration and response.

This script is in the style of "Blazing Saddles Meets Brighton Beach Memoirs".

SYNOPSIS: Modeled around the exploits of a young Mel Brook-like Character and his friends living in a neighborhood where everybody is crazy. (Mel actually grew-up in Brighton Beach). Friends include a Gene-Wilder-type character and a Gilbert Gottfried-type character.

Much of the screenplay is skit-comedy as with movies such "And Now For Something Completely Different" from Monty Python. Each skit includes the friends in a different situation, such as:

Getting lost on W.D. Road in Plattsburgh where "Uncle Charlie" from "My Three Sons committed cattle mutilations;

Getting thrown out of Lenny's Clam Bar in Queens for repeatedly "Asking for Frankie and Getting a Free Glass of Wine On the House";

Playing basketball with the Morlocks at Lincoln High School Night Center;

Mistakenly joining an Al-Qaeda College House Plan and going though "Pledge Week"

Developing James Brown Big Dance Number "I'm Living With Meschugana Tuchus"

I am screenwriter, hear me roar!

2005-11-16T11:29:00.000-08:00

My script is a roaring action drama by previously published writer whose screenwriting has also sold. This spec property is available for acquisition/development and I'd be happy to send you a copy for review.

"A wannabe fighter pilot hires a war buddy ace to create new, extreme flying-motorcycle planes for airshow dogfights in this CGI-driven action drama. Sons vie for victory, love, and dad's respect. When the younger son takes his title away, the older turns outlaw and is used by the evil ace to a tragic end. Mix Death Of A Salesman, East Of Eden, and Rollerball on wings."

Would you like to see it?

Let's play 'shake' the baby!!!! That sounds dirty.

2005-11-15T10:14:00.000-08:00

My screenplay is about a cynical , hard driving Public Defender who represents a woman who operates a day care facility, who is charged with 'shaking' and killing a child, and the nightmare she endures until our Public Defender becomes involved.

Wanna see it?

Apparently the feelings chip from Data on ST:TNG has fallen into this query

2005-11-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

When the military starts to get tried of casualties in the war, they being to make a top-secret weapon that would put an end to the fell of human soldiers. They start to make Android soldiers, which would look and do everything like man, but will not die. However, they forgot to add one thing to them, which is Feelings. So when Android 15 fells in love while fighting for his county he is left to decide weather to tell her, what he is, or not.

Hello, I was just wonder if you would be interested in this outline, for this really great script I wrote, of maybe someone you know. if so please get in touch with me.thank you

Just because a teen is babysitting doesn't mean he/she wants to watch this stuff!

2005-11-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Hollywood Execs,

If you were to take a gifted little girl suppressed by controlling parents, add a pair of glasses she believes to be magic, a curious adventurous cat, an ATM bandit on the loose, a fateful collision must occur. A girl and her cat take on a course of apprehending the bandit who is causing quite the stir in Seattle (could be any major city).

My script becomes a delightful children's action adventure film in which children and cats appear smarter than adults. This script could be shot live action or animated with equally fabulous results.

This property could easily become a "babysitter" DVD appreciated by parents for its upbeat message and G rating. The script is charming and with a cute little girl (like Dakota Fanning or whoever you think is cute) and an Abyssinian cat, it's hard for this project to miss.

To take a look at a one page blurb, a treatment or the 85 page script, please send an e-mail or call. I'd prefer to send treatments in pdf attachments. The script can be sent over in a pdf or by post.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please respond soon. This one will go fast.

Cheers,

The Writer
Writer/Astrologer

Lean Cuisine-Spotting

2005-11-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

Logline
In this comedy thriller, the theft of her Lean Cuisine from the office kitchenette sends a disillusioned pharmaceutical employee on a quest for revenge that involves murder, mayhem and hypoglycemia.

Synopsis
The glamorous façade of the pharmaceutical industry has crumbled for our heroine, a thirty-something marketing professional living in suburban Philadelphia. Disillusioned by the industry and office politics, things finally come to a head during a late-night work session when someone steals her Lean Cuisine from the office freezer. In the process of hunting down the culprit, she unwittingly witnesses a murder — or does she? With the help of her friends, she tracks down the truth about what she saw and about herself. Quirky and irreverent, my script serves up an inside look at the dirty underbelly of the pharmaceutical industry.

I've got some feedback for you...

2005-11-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

"I am an author for a screenplay that is based on 100 years of recorded history. The screenplay I've written is inspired by true events. I've changed the names of the Town and the Characters in order to protect the innocence.

Tobacco Valley is a piece of land that was known for slavery in a small town out of Tennessee but became the property for the a family during the emancipation of slavery. This particular land was handed down from the late 1800's until the year 2003.

The main character is about the first Black female singer to appear on a country music label out of Nashville, Tennessee during the early 1960's. She inherits Tobacco Valley because she helped reunite her Mother and Grandmother who didn't speak for approximately 38 years. Out of gratitude, she became the 4th heir to the land.

Her singing career and inheritance of Tobacco Valley caused a scandal between 2 of her 7 sisters. This family feud created a secret that later effected the fate of Tobacco Valley and the destruction of a close family.

Anyone who critiques this script immediately provides positive feedback. Here is your opportunity to evaluate this script and feel the experience that will mesmerize your mind."

1. There's no way you're getting the rights to that title from James Cameron. 2. I find your claim at the end to be ridiculously untrue

2005-11-09T10:55:00.000-08:00

Gail Russell was one of Hollywood's most beautiful women. Possessed of a beauty that transcends the ages, she became a star at 19. She starred with John Wayne at 25 and had her star on Hollywood Boulevard at 27. Dead at 35. Gail Russell never wanted to be an actress, but no one would listen. They were too mesmerized by her beauty, but she was never strong enough to say 'no,' not even to the vodka that ultimately killed her. While biopic Dark Angel is about 1940 -50s actress, Gail Russell, her sad and tragic story is as timely today as it was at the time of her death in 1961. No work of fiction could be as compelling.

Last serious post, I promise

2005-11-08T22:09:00.000-08:00

I noticed that someone posted a comment about the sad death of a producer/writer which occured over the summer. This appears to be the first in what I hope will not be a long line of guesses about who ManagerGuy might have been. He wished to remain anonymous, and his family wants him to remain anonymous, so I would like to ask everyone to avoid hunting through Variety and Hollywood Reporter archives in a quest to unmask MG. If someone posts a guess, I will be forced to remove the comment (sorry PJ). Let's avoid dragging out someone else's tragedy. Thank you,

The Empress

Taking One Step Back

2005-11-07T22:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Faithful Readers of Query Letters I Love:

Some of you have been wondering why Manager Guy hasn't been posting lately. I too was curious; I thought to myself that perhaps he was on location in an exotic corner of the world where even the query letters couldn't find him. Sadly, I have just received the news that ManagerGuy passed on this summer. With his family's blessing, I will carry on our work to bring QLIL to the world. The blog is now dedicated to his memory. Sic transit gloria mundi,

The Empress

One of these is not like the other

2005-11-07T12:02:00.000-08:00

"Logline: College kid and a middle-aged barfly try to find out why the Brooklyn bars are dying.

Sure, whales and spotted owls need protection --- but hold on, first things first--- something more important is endangered: the Brooklyn gin mill.

Not that anyone can quite remember why they're worth saving. . . but there's reason enough for a college kid and an eccentric to search Brooklyn bars for answers.

The two set out on bicycles through the streets of Brooklyn ---and after a French Connection chase on bikes---they stop at various bars hoping to find somebody who's like the Wizard of Bars - the sage behind the cocktail with all the answers about Brooklyn's dying culture. But he's nowhere to be found.

The only way to flush him out is to hold a Brooklyn gin mill reunion. And that---turns out to be one bad idea.

That's my script – now watch the whiplash ---'cause I'd like you to also consider my highly acclaimed book about the true story of those who raced to save others on 9/11 and did so again just two months later when Flight 587 crashed in Rockaway, their home town. (Praised by the likes of Tim Russert, Brian William, David Brooks and EJ Dionne).

I can send along a synopsis or a hardcover edition of the book, if you're interested.

Anyway, comedy or intense drama? What's your pleasure?

Please let me know if you're interested in seeing my script – or if I should send you a copy of my book."

Woah, how many criminals do you know who LIKE to be arrested?? Ok, maybe in SE7EN but that's IT!

2005-11-04T16:26:00.000-08:00

I would like to submit my screenplay for your review. It is a thriller focusing on the importance of science in convicting criminals.

But what, if the killer doesn't like the idea of being arrested?

A cop finally gets the chance to arrest a dangerous criminal. But he needs the help of a forensic scientist, making her a target for the killer. Like it or not the cop and the scientist have to work together, if they want to survive and capture the killer.

The criminal's girlfriend is found dead with spots of blood on her hand and neck, because she injured her killer with a letter opener. A detective calls in forensic scientist to compare the DNA of the blood stains with the criminal's. Much to his dismay she challenges the criminal on their very first encounter. This sets off a race between the cops to come up with enough evidence to arrest the criminal, and he fights back with threats, kidnappings and attempts to kill the detective and the scientist. At the same time and in spite of all their differences, those two can't help but fall in love.

Wow, I blew off the American Film Market to read this?

2005-11-04T16:00:00.000-08:00

LOGLINE: Nightmares, originating from a long past lifetime of terror, threaten the life of an angelic, and extraordinarily gifted, little girl.

SYNOPSIS: A ten-year-old girl is, all of a sudden, plagued with nightmares, which, she insists, are actual memories of a time, long ago. With the start of these nightmares, she gains a supernatural ability to draw as well as the great artists of the past.

Terror, intrigue, mystery, and romance surround the girl, as she and her dad set out on a frantic search to find the secret to the dreams; a search which brings them face to face with the mystery of life itself, when, in the dank and dusty archives of an old and mysterious art dealer, they discover that her artistic skills were learned at the side of Rembrandt.

But when she and her dad still can’t solve the puzzle and the secret, her life hangs in the balance, since the nightmares will soon kill her.

Finally, the secret is revealed at the last possible moment, and in a completely unexpected manner, in an intensely gripping and emotional scene as the girl, unable to be awakened from her nightmare, is gasping, choking, dying.

Nuclear.

2005-11-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

“Liar, Liar” goes to Washington. A political comedy in which the American President is accidentally infected with a virus that forces him to tell the truth--and he’s contagious!

The power of Christ compells you

2005-11-01T10:38:00.000-08:00

"For your consideration, my script is a sci-fi, horror, action thriller in the vein of Alien and The Ring about a priest with a violent past and no more faith in humanity, who loses his memory traveling to a remote world and discovers seemingly mute, magical twin girls. The priest can’t solve the puzzle of why he traveled there until he unearths the awful secret of the Twins and the Beast that is terrorizing the planet."

Great balls of fire, you are ripping off quite a lot of old classics! I feel faint!

2005-10-31T15:55:00.000-08:00

"LOGLINE: A strong-willed beauty moves into an apartment where the landlord likes to play with dolls. Human dolls. The women he kills and stuffs.

Scarlett Book moves into the perfect little paradise, or so it seems. Until strange things start happening. First there’s that nagging feeling she gets that somebody died. Then the mama’s boy landlord, Ashley, and his bizarre fascination with Gone With the Wind. The angry neighbor and all her cats always lazing about... the sounds... the smells...the visions of eyeless, stuffed people, dressed up like dolls.

When Scarlett’s sister mysteriously disappears, she befriends the landlord to get to the truth, agreeing to help him find a girl to bring home to Mother, hoping to find her sister in the process. Until she learns Mother is dead, and she’s now Ashley's prize collectable..."

So he's like an evil Smokey the Bear?

2005-10-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

"When children in the woods misbehave, their parents tell them the frightening tale of the Skinner.

Skinner, a former logger, roams the backwoods with his ax and chainsaw, savagely killing those people, who have offended Mother Nature. Perhaps, the offense is as simple an act as riding an ATV through the forest. Perhaps, it is more heinous, such as dumping toxic waste into the river.

Neither a simple scolding nor a written citation is enough. Skinner hacks off the limbs of his victims and then leaves his victims staked to a tree, as a warning to others to be good. Be careful bad boys and girls.

Think about it. Who would know? Accidents happen every day. Hikers disappear and are eaten by bears. People disappear every day and they're never found. The work of the Skinner?

As Skinner starts a new rampage through the woods, five college students decide that this is the perfect time for a relaxing canoe trip. Naturally, their canoe trip takes them through the middle of Skinner's territory.

Watch as the college students meet Skinner one by one. Who will survive?"

Double double, toil and trouble

2005-10-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

"Hello Prominent Exec:

As we say in The Biz, allow me to 'cut to the chase':

My script is a Tim Burton-flavored, supernatural romantic comedy about a love triangle between an average guy, a beautiful Wicca and her jealous Ex . . . who happens to be the Antichrist.

(SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE by the Chupacabra!)"

Anna-Nicole Smith married my dad and I'm pissed she's getting my billions so I've written a script about it! So there, you blond bimbo!

2005-10-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

"A college student from rural Oregon inherits a mini-estate from a father he had never known. However, a beautiful porn model has a palimony suit against the late father. Before he can gain full possession he must share the property for 90 days with the model and her teen-age daughter.

With identical twin blondes adding spice to the complexity.

Four women and one guy-- short of x-rated, believe it or not--and naturally one of them (you can probably guess which one)turns the tables on him."

Somebody went to University of Pennsylvania... Fighting Quakers oxymoron anyone???

2005-10-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

"A struggling young actor has Multiple Personality Disorder - a coping mechanism in reaction to an early trauma that has split him into five distinct personalities. With little control over which one asserts itself, he gives hilariously inappropriate performances at auditions. The rejections he receives as a result force him into therapy, where he makes sufficient progress to enable him to project his angry self when he reads for the lead in a new Brit-flick about a 17th century Quaker with heroic rage. The film's director, a keen aficionado of the Method, is so impressed with his remarkably authentic rage he casts him immediately. But an attractive make-up girl, and the humorous emergence of the trauma that caused his condition, make it almost impossible for him to balance his personalities during the shoot..."

I'm guessing that by the end, she's no longer a virgin.

2005-10-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

"When a clueless, virginal, perfectionistic microbiologist determines that she wants to have a baby, naturally she decides on artificial insemination—but she won’t settle for anything less than the perfect DNA. The only problem is, it belongs to the current 'Sexiest Man on Earth'."

I am now getting new business cards which read "Fantasy Ridicule Facilitator, Esq., M.D., Phd."

2005-10-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

"Logline: A nebbish Bingo caller inherits a 'lucky' marker and discovers a genie trapped under the cap. Has his fortune changed ... or are his troubles just beginning?

Ever since he was a kid, Billy wanted to be something SPECIAL. Now approaching 40, he is somewhat of a local celeb as the Town Bingo Caller. Still, he can't get motivated to move out of his mother's house or propose to his 'losing-my-patience girlfriend.

Fortune changes when Billy inherits a lucky Bingo marker from an old lady and discovers a dervish genie inside. 'You've got 7 wishes,' the genie tells him. 'And don't call me genie - I'm a Fantasy Fulfillment Engineer!'

With Eugene's help, Billy manages to mess up every wish. Soon he's estranged from his Bingo fans, his girlfriend - even his mother moves out. Then two questionable characters stroll into town: a Player with eyes for Angie and a Con who preys on old people. Wishless, Billy must make his own luck to save his fans and his relationship - before it's too late! Please contact me if you have interest in reading this 'coming-of-middle-age' story."

Hello. I have serious jones for Amelia Earhart and I have written a script about my irrational sexual obsession.

2005-10-20T09:59:00.000-07:00

"'Love can make you fly.' This is the logline for my new romantic comedy.

A man prefers living life with both feet firmly planted on the ground. Literally. Fear of flying has been an obstacle for the 34 year-old coffee shop owner for years. In fact, his last girlfriend dumped him because he wouldn't go to Asia with her. But his life is about to become more turbulent than a flight over the Rockie's, now that he's crossed paths with two very beautiful but very different women, who will ultimately force him to face his phobia.

First, he meets a hostile and bitter, but gorgeous bombshell in her late forties. A fluke encounter ends up in a steamy one night affair, but unfortunately for him, the bombshell ends the short-lived relationship the next morning. A couple weeks later, another beautiful woman walks into his diner and the two become instant soul mates. Her only flaw, in his eyes is her profession. She's a pilot. Nonetheless, love is in the air, and she is determined to get her new boyfriend back up in the friendly skies. But just as he is about to try out his wings again, he meets the pilot's mother. The bombshell. Now he's got bigger problems.

Fear of flying has now become fear of the bombshell, who is determined to break the two up and marry her daughter off to a still-in-the-closet jeweler. Desperate to win the heart of his lovely pilot, he seeks help from a few of his coffee shop buddies, including a Chicago cop with connections and a streetwise bookie who knows how to get information. They send their friend on a journey which takes him flying from city to city, looking for his lady love. During his expedition, he not only overcomes his fear, but he learns about faith, courage, friendship, forgiveness and true love."

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain?

2005-10-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

"Dear friend:
I would please knowledge as can them make move close a script that have written. in spite of the distance, call " exteriores ( pomps ) ". Only it takes part in two actors and a dog. It is an original idea, that in Spain nothing at all appreciated. In America it better has please for this type of productions.

Thanks for your Atencion."

The Batting Cage

2005-10-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

"One. Two. Three strikes. You're out...Of the closet?!

Two chauvinistic bachelors masquerade as a gay couple in order to adopt the ultimate Little League baseball team.

Loaded with strikes and balls and questionable calls, my script is a home run comedy that is sure to be a hit, no matter what team you play for."

Peruse this:

2005-10-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

"Good Morning,

For your perusal:

Logline: Where is my wife?... She doesn't exist... She never did....

Brief Synopsis. John is a well liked and prosperous New York lawyer, with a perfect marriage, a baby on the way and a promotion eminent after another win in his latest case, Life couldn't get any better....

but his world is far from real.... from hearing dark whispering voices.... sharp brief hallucinations... John's reoccurring nightmare comes to life as he is hit by a car.

Waking up in hospital, John's world becomes apparent, he's been living a dream brought on my an experimental treatment... What he once had, he's lost, and the only woman he's ever loved... never existed..... or does she???"

Ahh, l'accent circomflexe. C'est bien!

2005-10-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

"Genre - Drama/Thriller

A clandestine mission carried out in the Holy Land has sinister consequences for CIA Agent Jake Phillips. A fanatical adversary will stop at nothing in his pursuit of revenge. At the final reckoning both men will question their raison d'être and more mysteriously, their ideas of faith itself - will you?

I have recently returned from working in the Middle East and this is my first screenplay."

On this happy day of Yom Kippur, I was pleased to see that the Hebrew prophecy involved no traffic on the way to work and not gender confusion.

2005-10-13T09:44:00.000-07:00

"Dear Mr. Empress:

Imagine you're a Los Angeles psychiatrist called on to evaluate four elderly women committed to a privately funded mental institution. You arrive at the institution only to discover you've become the focus of an ancient Hebrew prophecy and that the four patients are not elderly ladies at all. Instead, you're introduced to four young women, in their late teens and early twenties, who have been confined to their cells for the past sixty years.

That's the dilemma faced by the main character in my screenplay. Her shock quickly turns to terror as she struggles to maintain her sanity in a world where childhood nightmares take on new meaning and reality gives way to the surreal landscape of madness.

My script represents a dramatic opportunity for a strong female lead and opens the way for a cinematic array of stunning visual sequences."

Maybe the twist is that Dirtier Harry is the murderer!!!

2005-10-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

"Genre: Detective Thriller / Dark Comedy

When headless bodies turn up all over Manhattan, a detective with the reputation of being a head case himself is called in to investigate.

A an edgy, wisecracking detective that makes Dirty Harry look meek is investigating a series of decapitations at some of Manhattan's seediest adult theaters. Along with his skittish partner, he wades into a slice of his own personal Hell as well as the Big Apple's standard core of misfits - pimps, hookers, bums and Polish metallurgists - to find the man behind one very sharp blade. Brutal murder is not without a sense of humor."

So which half of the fish is he? I guess this isn't as tough a question when one isn't applying it to mermaids.

2005-10-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

"Comic book/game thriller with a sense of humor

Log line: Reclusive comic book creator reluctantly plays the virtual reality interactive game version of his popular comic - the game explodes, he become the part man, part fish, lost but very hip private investigator hybrid of his comic book hero; and his past, comic book characters and locations all come to life on the streets of New York.

Synopsis: The wealthy reclusive creator of the world popular 'Tuna Casanova' comic book, fights his comic book advisories, a cat and his bad boyz, the data police, reaffirms his life and prevents a worldwide catastrophe, with the help of his estranged wife and son, his life long mentor - eccentric old professor of comic book history and society, millions of game playing kids, as well as two lovable characters from his youthful long forgotten never published underground comic - when a gang of an inner city gang of young computer hackers, sabotage the gala prime time opening night presentation of the interactive - virtual reality Tuna Casanova --the game version reluctantly volunteers to be the first player of, erupting all of his comic book characters, and locations into New York, and him into Tuna Casanova."

The Passion of the Kiddies

2005-10-10T17:26:00.000-07:00

> Congratulations on your successes!!
>>
>> My first feature
>>
>> Trailer on Multimedia page. Also listed on IMDB
>>
>> My children's acting website: Got to promote my kids-- :)
>>
>> Also on IMDB.
>>
>>
>> OK-- why am I contacting you?!?!?!!
>>
>> Well.... I fall under the Desperate Housewife category.
>> Retired from Corporate America 3 years ago- dove into acting with my
>> kids and penned my first script. Shot it, completed it and now
>> "hopefully" will get into all the film festivals I've submitted it to
>> next year 2006.
>>
>> NOW-- I've written a DRAMA. Disturbing, is the word to describe the
>> overall concept of it.
>> WHY? It's based on the 10 o'clock news. So it's about real situations
>> that keep me awake at night because I have children.
>>
>> The script/film will be called something like "a broken child".
>> The script starts out endearing, light, comedic- involving you to
>> adore the main characters, two 10 & 13 years boys. Children
>> today are far more advanced than when we were growing up.
>> The film shows this.
>> The teenagers of today are depicted then we move on to some gritty R
>> rated violence and thrilling moments that will make the audience fear
>> for the lives of our main characters.
>> The movie evolves into peeling off the layers of the lives on the
>> block, their fantasies, their dirty secrets.
>> Some secrets should never come out. In most cases during the early
>> years the secrets don't come out. It's when you are an adult that you
>> get caught.
>> The boys' lives are torn apart by the one secret that will disturb
>> the audience with the end of one of their lives.
>> Finally the message is: No matter what, life goes on.
>>
>> 1 out of 6 males and 1 out 3 females are sexually abused before the
>> age of 18.
>> Child molesters act on their desires as early as the age of 13.
>> Hundreds of thousands of cases are reported every year in the USA
>> alone. Hundreds of thousands of cases go without report.
>> Parents today strive on providing material objects and a future for
>> their kids without paying attention to the "today" they are living
>> in. Life moves so quickly and so does a child molester.
>>
>> The script is completely story driven. It doesn't have a projected
>> big budget. It's an adult movie.
>> It's the eye opener every parent or non-parent needs to see, feel and
>> talk about so there are less secretly traumatized people in the
>> world.
>> Our children are our tomorrow. I would like for my kids to have the
>> best life they can have without all the bullshit.
>>
>> I wrote this film with my two children in mind as the lead
>> characters.
>> I will submit it to script festivals next year.
>> As soon as I sell the comedy, I will prepare for this one.
>>
>> This film will be another "Passion"....why? because when you pick on
>> a subject as delicate as Jesus or your children, people jump.
>>
>> What do I want from you?
>> Represent me- I think that if the supporting characters are name
>> talent- then this movie will be another "Passion". If not it will
>> still have the same effect, it will just take longer to get noticed.
>> It will get noticed.
>> We live in a violent country, perverse and controversial. "a broken
>> child" is all that.
>> I have no money, now. I will eventually- but with the right people
>> on board, I won't have to fund it myself- that's my goal.
>>
>> Let me know what you think,
>>
>>
>> Thanks!

Sounds like my last stay at the Motel 6...

2005-10-10T11:01:00.000-07:00

"Welcome to Motel Hell.

Nine of the most notorious and violent serial killers are scheduled for a simultaneous execution.

As the nine killers stand on the gallows, spectators recount the horrific atrocities and unbelievably gruesome murders committed by each condemned killer. There is comfort in the belief that not just one, but all of these killers will soon be executed and banished into the depths of hell.

Wait, just as the execution is about to take place, the earth opens up and swallows all of the condemned, along with their appointed executioner, the warden.

In present day, the warden is now the manager of a small motel, the Motel Hell.

On a dark and rainy night, guests begin to arrive and check into rooms at the Motel Hell. The guests range from a prostitute and her client to drug dealers to gang members to a serial killer.

As guests settle into their rooms and begin their own atrocities, they discover the horror that each motel room is connected to hell, allowing the nine killers to rise from the depths of hell and continue their carnage.

Welcome to horror.

This script takes nine of the most violent killers and puts them into one location. It is horror confined."

Somehow the idea of a gang of "specially trained priests" running after a gang of kids seems wrong...

2005-10-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

"A group of children perform a ritual and open the gates of hell, allowing every single demon to roam on earth.

Genre: Thriller/Horror

A powerful satanic book gets lost from the Vatican archives and five centuries later it shows up in America, only that a group of children lay hand on it and perform a ritual which opens the gates of hell and let loose all demons on earth. A group of specially trained priests must stop all these demons before Satan takes over the world. After studying advanced grammar and writing a book I went into screenplay writing."

The Devil went down to Georgia, he was lookin' for a soul to steal...

2005-10-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

"No shackles on earth could hold Houdini. But can he escape from hell itself?

Genre: Supernatural Drama

Logline: On his death bed, the great escape artist Harry Houdini promises his wife that if there's an afterlife, he'll come back from the other side to prove it. Upon dying, Houdini is shocked to discover that there is indeed an afterlife -- and he's trapped in a mind-boggling hell. Desperate to reach his wife and prove to the world that he's greater than death, Harry must outwit the Devil -- no slouch himself as an illusionist -- and perform the greatest escape any man has ever attempted."

Sorry, my friend, but GALAXY QUEST beat you to it.

2005-10-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

"Dear entertainment professional,

The leads of Star Trek will go where no actors have gone before. My script is a feature comedy spoof where the actors are confronted with a real space/alien adventure. It is an original, high-concept take-off of Star Trek and its primary characters. The script is truly innovative, unlike any film ever made. That is because the characters are real actors, playing semi-fictitious roles of themselves. Therefore, they spoof themselves and the franchise, while offering true nostalgia for the fans. It was a finalist in the second 2005 Open Door Contest, from scr(i)pt magazine.

Some comments:

'Star Streak is a delightful piece of work. It features a terrific story, real parody, good fun and it is funny as hell! Hanging out with these iconic characters has never been better.' -- A former executive, producer and agent

'A nice spoof of the Star Trek franchise, with a lot of entertaining scenes poking fun at the Trek characters and situations.' -- A former script analyst, 'Star Trek: the Next Generation'"

See, I can't remember the 60's, but I've researched my script thoroughly because I can't remember what... wait, what am I doing?

2005-10-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

"My script is a teen to senior thrill ride, it celebrates youth, rebellion and dreams. Amid the comedy, passion and devastation of an era crashing down, two buddies face their ultimate sacrifice for their beliefs, and each other."

One boy grows up in the fifties fallout from his communist parents’ paranoia, persecution and disillusionment. His best friend, age 11, sends his father to jail. In the sixties, just when he thinks scary times are behind him, and it’s safe to be cynical and pursue an MBA, his friends and lover become the most wanted and dangerous radicals on campus. Facing severe lifetime consequences, with a premium on loyalty, he must choose between his best friend, his lover or his own future.

Someone said, 'If you remember the sixties, you weren’t there.' Those of us involved, freaks or straights, were often tunnel visionaries. This 4Q screenplay culminates years of extensive research. It’s a gut wrenching story of strange and turbulent times, from both sides."

I'm so happy that you've managed to sneak in a SAT word!

2005-10-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

"To find peace in her soul, a psychologist must rub off the patina covering the sins of both past and present pillars of her community."

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh wait, that's already been done.

2005-10-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

"Hi!

Some things are inherently smart. The wheel. Recycling. Albert Einstein. Self-flushing toilets. And Japanese people. I am Japanese, therefore - I've written a smart screenplay. It's commercial. It's high-concept. Ready for mass merchandising. And prime for sequels. It's a children's action/adventure and a musical to boot!

Logline: A young girl ventures to a land covered in eternal ice cream to stop a despotic king from using children as the key ingredients in his own blend of Rainbow Sherbet!

Experience the epic adventure of a thirteen-year old girl as she crusades into the glorious ice cream-filled land of Spumonia. Meet the hilarious pint-sized MARSHMALLOW MEN who hunt and gather like tribal warriors. Meet their pesky nemesis - THE GUMMI BEARS - as they flock across the land in search of the elusive rodent-like CHOCOLATE CHIPS. But brace yourself for her chilling revelation, when she learns of the diabolical plot concocted by Spumonia's very own tyrannical KING NEAPOLITAN NUTTGANGER: he's using children as the special ingredients for his own blend of RAINBOW SHERBET! The girl and her new friends must race against time to save others. They cross flowing rivers of Pineapple topping, battle a mythical Yogurt beast, and have a showdown of the ages with THE FANGLINGS - the spoiled milk-curd army of the King. After a hard fought battle, they are victorious. The King is overthrown. Peace is restored. And she unravels her own personal mystery: she is the rightful heir to the kingdom of Spumonia. Taste the adventure. Live the sweet dream."

Maybethespace bar onyour computeris bro ken

2005-09-30T10:21:00.000-07:00

"Logline: A former nerd, now a billionaire, secretly arranges for his entire seniorclass to come back and re-live high school all over again.

Synopsis: He was the biggest nerd in high school. Now at the age of 28, he ison top of the financial world with a net worth approaching one billiondollars. His biggest regret, however, was his social life in high school,and never getting the girl he always dreamed of which happened to be thecaptain of the cheerleaders. So, he secretly devises a plan that will bringback everyone from his senior class including teachers, the principal,coaches, and even the retired janitor. Everyone is given the opportunity toreturn to their old high school during the summer for three months tore-live their senior year all over again with the incentive of receiving anenormous check at the end. Suddenly, former students, teachers, coaches, andadministrators find themselves in the exact same schedules and routines asthey had ten years earlier. The same classes, the same seating arrangements,the same sports teams, and even the cafeteria food is the same as it oncewas. Pretty soon, old friendships are renewed, old romances rekindled, andhe hopes that this time around he can have the senior year he hasalways dreamed of."

Death of an illusionist. Sucks for him!

2005-09-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

"To Whom It May Concern:

Can a ghost revive the economic fortunes of a rundown town?

The newly elected mayor thinks it can. Since a ghost does not really haunt his township's allegedly haunted library, he hires an unknown illusionist to make his town's library appear haunted - very haunted. He thinks this will bring tourists into his town and revive the economy, not to mention help his political ambitions. Just as everything seems to be following the mayor's plan, the illusionist turns on him, threatening to unmask the entire plot, unless he pays a price so dear the mayor is unsure he can pay. He has only one option - kill the illusionist - in the library. It will add to the building's growing lore."

Please send this to FOX, attn: 24

2005-09-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

"Logline: A group of non-Arabic terrorist operatives lay siege to a rural Kansas town on Christmas Eve.

Genre: Drama/Action/Thriller

Description: A heroic and heartbreaking tale of a town's fight for survival on Christmas Eve.

Synopsis: Under the direction of an Al Qaeda operative, a group of non-Arabic radicals infiltrate a rural Kansas town as part of a plot initiated months before 9/11. Having obtained an Electro Magnetic Pulse (EMP) device from a group of Chechen Rebels, the professional recruits await the final order to sever the town's communications and inflict as many civilian casualties as possible. The FBI, confronted with growing evidence of an imminent attack, must race against the clock to identify the Soft Target and save the town from almost certain annihilation.

Overview: This is an action-packed, heart-wrenching piece of reality that America faces in the never-ending battle against terrorism. With a creative, though plausible plot, the story will strike an accord with a nation that continues to bear the scars of 9/11. Yet, by the same token, it will appeal to the patriotism of a people who believe in everyday heroes - hard working families - while engaging those who thrive on the political undercurrents of U.S. policy."

I hear that soon a medication will be available to help with your serious overuse of parenthesis problem

2005-09-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

"Log Line: Innocent, young lovers beam with pride over the new arrival of their first...handgun? Thing has a silencer? Be bloody hilarious if they find somebody they'd like to shoot with it.

A husband and wife are in a jam; what with the everyday stresses of career, insane relationships and a stubbornly persistent (armed), man who'd like to sleep with (as it turns out), either one of them. Life would be good if someone would just blow this guy's brains out, though, that's the sort of thing he's really good at. Why not ask for help? Why not hire someone else to whack this knucklehead (since he's not the kind of guy you'd want to call the cops on)? Perhaps, but that would be illegal and these kids are straight shooters. If that's the case (if they can shoot straight), why not do the dirty deed themselves? Well, that would still be against the law unless it was done in self-defense and there's a good chance it'll come to that."

Perhaps you should have let sleeping scripwriters lie.

2005-09-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

"A scriptwriter tries to kill himself after his latest script is rejected, resulting in a drug induced coma, and his confinement in a mental asylum. He awakens 3 yrs later to discover, much to his astonishment, that he has continued to write. He meets a beautiful woman sent to investigate his past, and also to procure the production rights to his works, from the asylum's Director. Their romantic attraction and his consciousness becomes a threat to the doctor, and with his worsening hallucinations he finds himself the prime suspect in a murder investigation."

Death of a (Copier) Salesman... I hope

2005-09-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

"Dear Mr./Ms. Agent and/or Producer,

I'd like to submit the recently completed feature screenplay for your consideration. This innovative film takes place in real time. Along with my other groundbreaking films, I believe the script and overall concept will be of extreme interest to you.

During the 2002 DC Sniper Crisis, a copier salesman has five days to close a deal or his addicted mother in New York will be killed by a heartless drug dealer. While innocent citizens are randomly being killed throughout suburban Washington D.C., he must evade the crosshairs of a sniper while simultaneously stopping the future murder of his mother in a city over 200 miles away. On the morning of Friday, October 11th, it all comes to a head as he...

In essence, my script has been compared to the acclaimed hits GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS, CRASH and TRAFFIC."

Fat Journalist: The Manitoba Years

2005-09-22T10:24:00.000-07:00

"Pilot Film/MOW for Christian Crime-Drama Series

Logline: An intelligent, pretty, but overweight female investigative journalist, hiding from the pain of a divorce, along with a crusty police detective, still mourning the loss of his wife, create a tenuous relationship while trying to catch an Internet serial killer.

Synopsis: An intelligent, pretty, but overweight investigative journalist uses her job with the Free Press to hide from the pain of a divorce and the ensuing feelings of guilt and loneliness. One evening, she finds a dead body on her farm. This plunges her into an investigation into a string of serial murders that originate on the Internet, and into a tenuous relationship with a detective, the Head of Homicide Investigations. He is still mourning the loss of his wife, a police officer, in a mugging turned bad. At first, he is cold toward the reporter's advances, but when they meet on the Internet on a Christian dating site, he is persuaded that maybe God wants them together.

But she wants to write a series of articles about the serial killings, much to his chagrin--he is adamant that any woman he gets involved with not be investigating incidents that could endanger her life. She puts off writing the articles, but when he falls head over heels for a woman who looks exactly like his dead wife and breaks off his relationship with the reporter, she writes the articles and gets deeper and deeper into the investigation, using the Internet as her means of baiting the killer.

This is a pilot film/MOW for an ongoing Christian crime-drama series set in Manitoba. It can be adapted to fit locations other than Manitoba. Four initial draft episodes of the series are also available upon request."

Harsky & Stutch: Truant Officers Extraordinaire!

2005-09-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

"A coming of age story for someone who should have come of age a long time ago.

Genre: Comedy

A thirty six year old man is content living at home with his wealthy dad, step mom and step brother, playing video games, and hanging out with his best friend. That is until he nearly burns the house down after throwing a huge party. After recieving an ultimatum from his father, the two men venture out into the world to find work. What they become surprises even them. As truant officers at a nearby high school, they become the thing they used to hate."

Bend It Like Yo Mama

2005-09-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

"LOGLINE: This is a character-driven dramatic comedy about a woman with a long-held dream to make the U.S. Ladies’ Olympic Soccer Team. After numerous setbacks, she almost succeeds. Only through an unlikely deflection of destiny does she receive her golden opportunity and leads the U.S ladies’2008 squad to victory. It’s an inspirational film in the spirit of 'Million Dollar Baby,' 'Bend it Like Beckham' and 'Rocky,' but with a sense of humor.

Here’s the plot in brief. After deferring her dream of playing Olympic soccer due to her pregnancies, a 32 year old mother of two boys, ages 9 and 5, is stuck in an acrimonious marriage and a soul-numbing job in an L.A. sweatshop. She keeps her dream alive by playing soccer locally. When she decides to attend the Olympic try-out held in Los Angeles, she finds the competition fierce, the coach hostile. Despite these obstacles, she performs well-enough to make it to the second tier of try-outs to be held in Nashville. Among the hopefuls is a soccer sensation, a coquettish teenager who has been groomed for stardom by her socialite father who bribes an Olympic official to insure his daughter’s inclusion on the team. Rendered expendable as a result of the bribe, the girl's personal trainer, is relieved of his duties; he offers to help our soccer mom train.

Once in Nashville, her gritty performance on the field enhances her chance of making the team while dissension pervades the teenager's camp in the wake of the Olympic Commissioner’s resignation amid accusations of impropriety. Things are looking up for the mom until a phone call from back home derails the dream. Because of an accident involving her younger son due to her husband’s neglect, she cuts short her trip to be at the boy’s bedside. Though she won’t be accompanying the U.S. team when they go to China, she is chosen as a first alternate. In the months following her son’s recovery, she rededicates herself to raising her children, now as a single parent. With the U.S. team’s advance to the medal round in Beijing, Angie watches on TV as the teen suddenly collapses on the field in pain. She receives the call that she thought would never come and joins the team in time to square off against Brazil in the medal-deciding game. She catches an errant pass and scores the final victory, amid cheers and flashing cameras."

Dracula: Batwings of Steel

2005-09-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

The passengers on flight Q42 from New York to Sydney must hold off a crazed vampire and get to a runway before they run out of daylight. The flight from New York to Sydney, Australia passes south and west, crossing from Central America into the Pacific. After that, a couple thousand miles of open sea stretch until one gets to French Polynesia. A vampire in the old, Nosferatu style, makes this journey in the cargo hold -- but his hunger and thirst get the better of him and he goes on a rampage while over the Pacific. A small group of survivors then bands together under the leadership of an ex-army medic now putting herself through med school and a level headed multi-lingual Asian flight attendant. Part of the human story explores how these two strangers, despite frequently arguing about the best strategy, eventually grow to become close friends. They must organize the other survivors and hold the creature off long enough for them to get to a landing strip. Their one advantage in this battle: flying west into the setting sun triples the amount of time they have before nightfall.

I beg to differ, my good man: time started before earth's landscape. Even the Bible says that.

2005-09-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

"Logline: Once you have the code, you have the key to creation.

Genre: Action/Sci-fi

At the dawn of mankind there was a genetic code, the key to creation. Now a rogue scientist has discovered this code and plans to use it to create a new mankind. The only problem is, the old one will have to make way for it. Already, a mythological beast has arisen and more will follow. A man has been contacted by another man, who believes that his father, a scientist, has discovered this ancient code. As a new mankind is ushered in, so the old one will become obsolete. It falls to the first man to follow the clues across a landscape as old as time itself.The race is on to find the code and stop the apocalypse."

Don't send me excerpts of your novels, pendejo.

2005-09-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

I thought you'd like this. This is really good.

“Don’t be stupid foo’. Don’t be a pendejo.”

He looked at his homie's grip on his jacket. Most of his boys called him “Playboy” because all the ladies loved him, but those that had known him since he was a kid called him his real name.

He took another hit off his joint. He’d given up smoking over a year ago, had to, but on this day he was more nervous that he had ever been in his life. Thunder rumbled and rain poured, making it impossible to see. Thunder scared Playboy, always had. He fought to keep from shaking. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t swallow. He tried to hide his fear. His mind was set. He had to do it. He yanked his arm away from his homie, and pushed the door open.

“Just keep the car runnin’, ese.”

The homie was a big guy, tattoos up and down his arm and a glass eye. He normally would have just kept Playboy from leaving at all, but he knew nothing could stop him. Nothing at all. He jumped out the car. It was a ‘57 Chevy, slick red, with a chili-pepper-hot Mexican heina painted across the hood. He had painted that picture himself. Complete with chrome wheels.

He slammed the door shut and looked up at the Cathedral in front of him. Lightning illuminated its majestic towers, windows with an eerie stained glass. He’d spent many a night imagining this would be where he’d marry her. They’d have a huge wedding with members of their families flying in from all over the world just to watch this event; this marriage he thought was so destined to be. He’d put his everything into this dream, his one and only dream, and now as he yanked the heavy Oak doors open, his heart pounded like a subwoofer.

He dried his soaked clothes with his hand and scratched his shoes on the mat so as not to squeak across the old wood floor. The church was jam-packed, mostly with Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, but some blacks.

Probably his familia, he thought. How could she even think about marrying some pinche negro?

The grand organ music permeated the building while a choir of children sang, their voices echoing throughout the church. It smelled musty in the air, a mix of wood stain and must as if they never really cleaned the place, just painted over it.

He tried not to be too suspicious, slipping past every one. Funny, he was dressed probably better than he’d ever been. Black suit, his wavy black hair slicked back, starched white shirt, polished black shoes.

He had grown into a very nice looking young man. Maybe even could have been a model, had he played his cards right. Maybe if he hadn’t grown up in the slums of Northeast Vegas, he could have been one of those Latin heartthrobs that were in those magazines. Instead, most of the time he looked like the thug most people assumed he was just by looking at him.

But on this day, this very weird day, he was even wearing a tie. She would have been so proud of him if she could see him. Funny, he’d probably be the last thing she’d see.

He checked his jacket pocket to make sure it was still there. Yep, it felt like a brick pressed against his chest. But he was so numb, or more like so focused, that he was oblivious to it. All he knew was that he had to find her, and he would use any means necessary.

Wham! He bumped hard into a glass table. His thigh throbbed in pain as bullets dropped from his pocket and bounced off the tile floor. The sound echoed all over the lobby. People looked around for the source of the sound, but he managed to scoop them up before anyone could see.

He got up and noticed the beautiful ice sculpture on the table--melting, dripping like an ice cream cone in August. Melting just like his heart.

He saw his priest, the one he’d grown up with. It was as if the whole world had turned against him. They’d sided with her, when this was supposed to be their wedding. It was as if she’d slapped him across the face, as if nothing they’d been through together even mattered. The whole thing was surreal.

She loved him. She’d said that over and over to him since they were little kids. She’d taken care of him and believed in him and dreamed with him and held him when nobody else could give a care.

“Estoy aquí para ti. No matter what -- Siempre,” they’d promised each other. And a promise was a promise.

"Don’t be stupid, Foo’. Don’t be a pendejo.” His brother’s scolding remarks kept playing in his head. He warned Playboy to just let it go. It wasn’t worth it. Normally his homie waiting back in the car would have been all for it, but this time around he said to “olvídalo…let it go.” It was as if he sensed something was going to go wrong and, no matter how high he had been, his gut was always right.

Wow. Star-crossed lovers. Ain't never seen this before.

2005-09-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

"Dear Sir/Madam:

When a Muslim Lebanese-American teen finds out that the Christian Lebanese-American girl he's crazy about has a negative attitude towards Arab men and refuses to date them, he gets into the game of pretending to be an 'All American Guy' .In his constant effort to hide his origins from her, he finds himself jumping from one situation to another deliriously. But will his 'Americanization' be enough to overcome the Lebanese's actual differences?"

Answer: Certainly not in my case.

2005-09-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

"LOGLINE: Can be the love for one person bigger than the hate for all humanity?

Genre: Thriller/Drama

A man lost his memory.
A woman found love.
A second chance is given by God but;
Can be the love for one person bigger than the hate for all humanity?"

BOAT TRIP meets BE COOL, but even suckier?

2005-09-12T12:29:00.000-07:00

"The story of three friends from the music industry, who have the worst vacation imaginable in Florida when they go on a boat trip, where they encounter a monstrous evil.

One could say bad luck itself is one of the main characters. Their adventure is chock full of strange-but-true facts about Florida, and even stranger mysteries. A comedic romp that will occasionally give you real scares, it does not overdo the aspects of brutality important to the story."

Um, why bother going after Himmler when you could just go after Hitler?

2005-09-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

"LOGLINE: A man with psychic powers is bent on assassinating Heinrich Himmler after a glimpse of his future crimes. His quest to kill the Nazi officer leads him to a face-off with a Nazi soldier with a quest of his own, to find a magical book for Himmler, which will unleash dark powers from unknown dimensions.

A man is conducting psychic experiments with a scientist friend, who has come across a magical scrying glass used by a magician in the court of Queen Elizabeth. The man is Himmler's cousin, and is disturbed at his rise to power in Hitler's army. He uses the scrying glass to catch a glimpse of the destruction and death that Himmler's mad power will lead to. He is incensed, and bent on destroying his cousin. However, he must first face-off against a Nazi soldier with an interest in the occult. A soldier who is in search of a magical book for the occult-obsessed Himmler, which can unlock fearsome powers from strange dimensions. When the book falls into the man's hands, however, it sparks a revelation which dramatically alters the nature of his mission to destroy Himmler."

I hope there's a lot of legwork involved... heh, heh

2005-09-08T09:56:00.000-07:00

"An injured war veteran returns home to San Francisco and ends up helping his detective brother solve a murder mystery.

Genre: Drama / Mystery

A man comes home from Iraq less a foot (it was blown off by a landmine) but no less committed to his dream of becoming a police detective for the SFPD, just like his brother. But despite his status as a war hero (which earns him the admiration of his brother's commanding officer and the admiration of a pretty family friend), the man refuses to concede that his goal of making the force is a bit unrealistic."

Ho-Humsville

2005-09-07T10:03:00.000-07:00

"Hello,

I'm an English teacher, and I'd like to give you some information about my screenplay.

Logline: Welcome to the wasteland of the damned--would you make it out alive?

Synopsis: A young man with a checkered past leaves his wife and and child to take a job in a distant city but on the way back runs afoul of a vicious biker gang that pursue him into an accursed, forbidden desert. There, he befriends a mysterious runaway, a young woman. Together, they outrun the bikers and even more dangerous adversaries--murderous, shape-shifting demons. Not far from safety, the man makes a horrifying discovery, which leads to a decision that will forever change him."

Mighty [Lame] Aphrodite

2005-09-06T14:06:00.000-07:00

"I would like to submit my female-driven romantic comedy in the vein of Hitch.

Logline: When an unlucky-in-love New York City librarian gets help from the sassy, sophisticated goddess Aphrodite with scoring her dream date with the hunk at work, she tries everything from a makeover to magic potion, ultimately succeeding in turning her crush into the perfect boyfriend, but winds up finding true love where she least expected it--in her best friend.

A librarian has a crush on the hunk at work. The problem is, she's more invisible to him than air. Enter Aphrodite-goddess in rock star clothing. Aphrodite aids the librarian in her quest to win the hunk over, with the help a jaw-dropping makeover and a little magic potion. Aphrodite's help works, much to the chagrin of the librarian's best friend, neighbor and would-be boyfriend. With the help of this little infatuation potion, the librarian finally has the hunk eating out of the palm of her hand when her friend reveals his long-repressed amorous feelings to her just as she is about to meet the hunk for a big date. The two quarrel and she goes on her date, only to realize mid-dance that she is in love with her best friend after all. She comes clean with the hunk about the potion, and leaves him at the restaurant to find her friend at home, where the two are finally united."

CrimeSpreesRCool.com/ screw/ punctuation.html

2005-09-02T12:06:00.000-07:00

"LOGLINE: Combination Ensemble Drama / Morbid Thriller about an embittered man who disguises a sinister plan as a way to cure society of its bad kids..

To Whom It May Concern:
I have just finished the completion of a drama / morbid thriller about a young thirteen year old boy whose boredom sparks a childish prank on an internet site called Rouser . The mad idea triggers children to violence. and mayhem on the streets of Los Angeles and other major U.S. cities. The kids are so energized and impressed by the site that it virtually tells them what crime to commit and they do it. But the young boys prank also jumpstarts the vehicle of another who uses the prank as a means for revenge and death Ultimately leaving a trail of juvenile corpses washing ashore in Southern California with the . .Rouser Internet logo on a large white T- shirt and nothing else The plot thickens as we learn about all of the lives of the ensemble cast and concludes in a good guys prevail climax finale with an interesting twist. at the end."

This is like that Law & Order episode where the religious crazy guy worked as a church caretaker but also murdered hookers on the side

2005-09-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

"By day, a man works as the caretaker of a church. By night, he moonlights as one of New York's deadliest hit men. Though killing people claws at his conscience, he can't quit; he's working to pay off a debt he owes to a ruthless crime lord, who assassinates anyone who crosses him. His guilt becomes unbearable when he carries out a hit on a mark and the funeral is held at the church where he works. The dead man's fiancée turns to the church-caretaker for solace, and he falls in love with her. Tormented by the ugly secret he can't bear to tell his new love, the caretaker refuses to carry out any more hits, regardless of the consequences to himself. But when his boss comes to the church to exact revenge, all hell breaks loose, and the two of them can't control who will live and who will die."

PS- Only ManagerGuy has full control of this blog, so I can't turn on Word Verification to stop the spam comments. Sorry, folks.

It's Tourrettes Syndrome. Idiot! Gosh!

2005-08-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Our gal is an A-list, top-notch, big-city, big-business wedding planner who has masterminded her own perfect wedding not only because she deserves the greatest wedding imaginable but because she wants to land the big fish - her presumably engaged, celebrity, billionaire, businessman (and old flame). He will attend her own wedding to experience her genius first hand. Her fiancé is very laid back. He's a high school teacher, coach and self-proclaimed simple guy. That's what we know.

What we don't know is that her best friend, maid of honor and 'disgruntled employee' has her own vows for this day. She's devising a future that includes planning her boss's ex's wedding herself. To make things worse there's an X-factor. A common friend of theirs means well but has a knack for being in the right place at the perfect time doing the wrong thing.

The table is set as:
-A surprise gift leads to a drunken priest.
-A fabricated contest leads to the bride's mom and the groom's mom wearing the exact same dress.
-A bridesmaid has bad timing and Terrets syndrome.
-A groomsman has equally bad timing and narcolepsy.
-An extravagant food fight undermines an exquisite wedding hall.
-And. . . An Elvis impersonator leads the band.

As the wedding progresses into a hellish nightmare, her fiancé is pushed further and further away and into the arms of his angelic co-worker and confidant. Where will he find true romance? In his new wife or the forbidden fruit? Can the go-getter, wedding planner fend off advances from her billionaire ex-lover and salvage her own wedding, marriage and reputation? And. . . Will the best man ever stop talking?"

Going where no missionary has gone before!!

2005-08-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Query - 'Adventures in Space'

'Can God survive in the vastness of Outer Space?'

A woman and her group of College kids attempt to spread the words of Jesus throughout the galaxy. Will they find romance and love aboard their huge Missionary Vessel? Will their young faith in God survive Alien encounters? My script is filled with unusual twists and turns. Anything that can happen will happen. That is the true nature of the Universe."

Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.

2005-08-29T14:08:00.000-07:00

"They have battled unspeakable evils; vampires, werewolves, zombies...wholesale. Our two protagonists travel the land on a crusade to rid the world of supernatural forces, while selling the finest plastic eating utensils in the nation. Destiny creates a detour for the salesmen when they encounter a young woman who bears an ancient mark that could bring the destruction of all, or the salvation of one. All on $50 per Diem."

I suggest THE SOPRAYMONDS as a possible title

2005-08-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

"LOGLINE: When a battling married couple separate, the wife begins to date the local mob boss who is crazy-in-love with her. Can her husband get her back without getting 'killed'?

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Mario is a rude, obnoxious, little man and he's having a bad day... his business is failing, his 20-something son wants to run away to the Pyramids and his firebrand wife has just thrown him out of the house. But how can he get her back when her new boyfriend just happens to be the local mob boss... the very one he owes money to? It's EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND meets THE SOPRANOS."

I really hope they are lesbians.

2005-08-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

"My main character is in the business of murder...and she's very good! She's a female mercenary who unwittingly does work for an extremist group called The Committee. When she loses her estranged sister to a mysterious affliction, her personal and professional worlds collide, resulting in her last-second decision to spare the life of her next target - a powerful senator's nanny. The nanny presents a threat to the secrecy of the Committee having inadvertently overheard incriminating evidence that her boss, a US Senator, is involved in the Committee's domestic terrorist activities. Emotionally off-balance by the nanny's resemblance to her sister, the assassin puts herself in harms way and must rely on her skills to keep the nanny safe.

Forced into hiding, the once cold-blooded killer and the innocent nanny are at odds with each other until they realize the stark similarities in their lives (i.e. painful childhoods).
However, the assassin's struggle with guilt over her sister's death compels her to remain emotionally detached from the nanny until she learns of the Senator's perverse habit of using date drugs to rape his employees. While in hiding the nanny is attacked by bikers, unleashing the assassin's fury. She nearly kills the men except the nanny has seen enough bloodshed and begs the assassin to spare the man's life. She learns an important lesson from the nanny: that ALL life is sacred and she vows to protect her prisoner at all costs. From watching the nanny, our heroine begins to understand that there is more control and strength in allowing one's self to 'feel' and be vulnerable than there is in trying to be invincible.

The two soon uncover the hard truth about the Committee: they have plans to put a sleeper in the White House! Now they must try to put an end to the Committees treasonous dealings. However, the band of deadly killers hasn't given up their chase. In the end, the assassin must confront a former ally and her most formidable opponent to save the nanny's life."

It's like I set off a bomb in my script submission archive and little bits of script here and there fused together all funny

2005-08-26T12:38:00.000-07:00

"We have just completed a new fantasy MOW pilot and would like to know if you'd be interested in seeing a copy with an eye toward possible representation.

Set in a fictional pentagram-shaped city, our script pits five lost souls - a former horseman of the Apocalypse with no memory of his past, a repentive vampire, a teen werewolf, a beautiful siren and a former CIA assasin against The Angel of Death. In order to redeem themselves, they must stop Death from secretly amassing souls to take over the Earth.

The pilot MOW episode introduces us to the horseman, his love interest a lovely doctor, an angel name who tells the horseman of his destiny, his soon to be compatriots as well as Death. The story examines the conflict between good and evil, being true to who you are and redemption."

Smooth Operator

2005-08-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

"When a washed-up soul singer loses his wife and twin boys to a wealthy white attorney, he desperately tries to win them back.

1992 CHICAGO

The story opens with an introduction to A and B two 'old school' soul singers on the verge of cracking the big time. But there is dissension in the ranks. One of them feels as though he has been relegated to back-up status. He decides to quit the band and go it alone.

FIVE YEARS LATER

A has made it to super star status leaving B in the dust, singing and dancing Karaoke at the local bar. B's wife is tired of B's late nights, womanizing and lousy work habits. She abruptly leaves B with her two twelve-year old twins in tow. She calls B to inform him that she has met a man, a white attorney, and has moved in with him in a ritzy neighborhood in IL. B's not going down without a fight. He's got one shot and has to make it count. The 1997-1998 Bulls sixth championship season provides the timeline. B tries to win back his wife and kids while Michael Jordan and the Bulls try to win their sixth and final championship in the Jordan era."

Risky Business II: Old Hat

2005-08-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

"My script follows a college senior as he attempts to complete a successful summer internship. When his coveted position at a prestigious investment bank falls through, he is forced to go with Plan B - a job at a brothel. With a scholarship and his future on the line, he must produce an academic paper on his experience at a place not noted for scholarly pursuits."

Didn't you read the article in EW that action movies are dead??

2005-08-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

"Are you afraid?

This screenplay is based on my first novel, published in March 2005 and under a pen name. This is the suspenseful and thrilling story of an FBI agent's hunt for the terrorists responsible for brutally killing his family. As the agent aggressively pursues his investigation, there is the growing fear that a U.S. Senator may have aided the terrorists in attacks against Americans. He is propelled in his hunt, by continued terrorist attacks, which are called 'lessons' by the responsible terrorist, known only as 'The Teacher.'

The story is unique in the sense that the theme is very timely and it further provides insight into the recruitment of terrorists. Various settings, such as Las Vegas and Washington, DC, are effectively utilized to not only maintain the fast pace of the story, but also to increase visual appeal. This is not the standard action thriller. This script has a hero, who relies not only on his physical skills and abilities, but also on his mind."

Is he talking about Cimex lectularius or Cimex hemipterus?

2005-08-22T10:06:00.000-07:00

"I wanted to let you know that I have finished a horror screenplay and was wondering if you would like to see a copy.

Fact: In any given mattress there are over 10,000 bedbugs.

Fact: Bedbugs feed solely on blood and dried skin, causing them to grow at least a quarter of an inch in length and their clear bulbous backs to turn dark red.

For a police chief (who's a Dennis Quaid type) and his new family - a wife, a rebellious teen step-son and precocious five-year-old daughter- Normal, Illinois offered a haven away from the hustle and crime of the East Coast.

From its quaint tudor stores to the popular Strawberry Festival/carnival, which brings tourists from around the mid-west, Normal was the way life should be.

Then the killings began.

First, a high school football star is torn to shreds by an invisible force in front of his girlfriend.

Then a boy scout troop camping in the woods, mysteriously disappears.

Followed by an attractive grocery store clerk.

All at the hand of a mysterious killer. All eaten to the bone.

With paranoia and fear gripping the town and a politically-focused mayor breathing down his throat, the chief digs deeper and deeper into the deaths. Only to come up with nothing.

Enter an entomologist with the University of Illinois. He tells our guy he's here to help. Or is he?

Not taking a particular liking to the creepy scientist, the chief has a hunch that he holds some sort of key.

The answer he finds - somewhere in the town's elaborate sewer system - will change he and his family forever.

The only question that remains is can he save them from the horror he discovers?"

And by "agency" you mean porn ring?

2005-08-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

"Logline: A young woman struggles with unexpected fame, and her addiction to perfection.

Genre: Drama

An aspiring model/fashion designer is interviewed by a big-shot agent at Hawthorne agency (not a real agency)This agent veers the model towards the career that best suites her talent, acting."

Quo usque tandem abutere patentia nostra?

2005-08-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

"Greetings......I have taken my screenplay idea for conclave and am re-working the story into an 8-part TV movie series{like the "Rome" TV movie series on HBO}. It will be about St. Catherine of Sienna. I have pasted the synopsis below. The full script is available. Please advise if you would have further interest in the project.

Genre: 8-part TV Movie Series/Historical Drama
Circa: 1305-1417 AD Historically correct
Locale: Avignon/Rome/Siena
Budget: Med

Log Line:
A corrupt Conclave elects a Pope who moves from Rome to Avignon, leading to the “Great Schism”, while the heroic actions of St. Catherine of Siena, reconciles the church."

Another few didactic paragraphs and you'll be entering Ted Kaczynski land, my friend. Angry manifesto, much?

2005-08-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

"This script chronicles vapid, shallow and empty lives of Tinsel Town's super rich---their utter lack of knowledge and interest in the new intellectual currents that are sweeping our world, intellectual currents such as structuralism, semiotics, deconstruction, feminist theory and gender politics. The film recreates the infamous encounter between television show-host Matt Lauer and Tom Cruise.

We have a reporter for a small Northeast Alabama newspaper who travels to Washington D.C. for a presidential press conference. He is shocked by the callousness and low intellectual level manifested by our American president. He then travels to Hollywood where he hopes to meet rational, intelligent people who are interested in what is happening in the intellectual world. Instead he is shocked and disappointed by the low intellectual level manifested by the denizens of this hedonistic, shallow and superficial culture. He interviews the rich and the famous and comes away with the sensation that Hollywood is simply another red-necked hillbilly segment of American bourgeois culture at large.

At a time when America is a nation in crisis, led by incompetent, bumbling callous leadership, Hollywood is obsessed with its money, its deals and its lavish, opulent and sybaritic lifestyles. It operates on roughly the intellectual and spiritual level of a Russian mafia hit-man. This is for those producers who enjoy films that discuss the new intellectual currents that are sweeping across our universities and the face of American culture."

The Suck Files

2005-08-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

"As alien abductions continue to be reported around the world, UFO researchers apply pressure on the government to end the secrecy.

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Thriller

Who can stop these kidnappings when the government will not talk and will not help? A group of abductees join forces and hatch their own plan: to initiate contact with the aliens, hypnotize two of them, then capture and question them with media present and live television coverage. Turning the tables on the extra-terrestrials is an unprecedented move on the part of ordinary citizens to overcome their victimization and end the secrecy surrounding the abduction phenomenon. A surprise ending stimulates a shift in one's thinking about the abduction phenomenon."

Personally, I prefer Beer Pong

2005-08-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

"Logline: When a college fraternity declares war on a beloved local bar, the only way to settle the dispute is do what they do best: get SLOSHED and play BALL!

Genre: Comedy

The wealthy Delta Kai Deltas have recently been expelled from their University baseball diamond for bringing a keg onto the field. But this wasn't some fraternity prank - it was practice! Sloshball practice! Determined to continue their championship season, the cocky Deltas look to build a Sloshball field at their frat-house. The only thing that stands in their way is Mickey's Old Oak Tavern: a beloved hole-in-the-wall dive that sits precisely where the new field will be. The plan is simple, sabotage the bar until they capitulate. But Mickey and his fellow boozehounds aren't going to leave without a fight. The frat offers a generous proposal: a winner-take-all Sloshball jubilee. The stakes are high with both sides poised to make the other leave the block for good. But first, Mickey and the bar boys have to figure out just what the hell Sloshball is!

Sloshball is the inebriated game that is sweeping college campuses and children's playgrounds nationwide. Put simply enough, it's softball with a beer keg. Mitts are allowed, but make sure you can hold your 16 oz cup... and get ready to drink every time the ball is hit (Oh, and don't even think about running to third without "Shotgunning" your beer on second - Thems the rules, babe)."

Live! Hot Nude Sasians!

2005-08-10T11:46:00.000-07:00

"Subject : Bare Breasted Dances in India.

Dear [Empress],

With due deference to your exalted creative calibre, I have the pleasure and privilege to write to you regarding the above-mentioned subject. I am an incorrigible dreamer and I’ve dreamt a controversial provocative concepts that have strong hooks and that appeal to TV audiences worldwide. You are aware that bare breasts are a no-no in India, where even a scantily clad woman at Mumbai’s Juhu Beach can create chaos !

This project encompasses Bare Breasted Tribal Dances by the Onges, the Abujmarias, the Bondas, the Dangis, the Uralis, the Nagas and the civilized dances performed in Indian metropolis by the delighted privileged performers with scantily clads semi-nudes and sometimes bare breasted apparels. All are mingled up with the eternal feelings of joy and ecstasy. We could easily find our cultural root in the primitive era. One could subscribe it in any form but the realm of the heritage we owe should be acknowledged.

Bare Breasted Dances in India is unique in indigenous style and the first Documentary in the history of Docu-Film arena and also it would be my directorial debut. We are offering Total Rights incl. Acquisition, worldwide sales, International Marketing & Distribution, DVD, VHS and the Internet edition, Translated & Dubbing edition for all countries. We are asking Total Finance with Post Production facilities in LA where any celeb of your choice will lend her voice as VJ with her gracious presence."

A Christmas Query

2005-08-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

"Hi there,
Searching for a Christmas special? Look no further.

Logline: An arrogant doctor obsessed with materialism finds the true meaning of Christmas after his expensive fur coat is stolen by an angry street bum.

Synopsis: A clinic doctor in the inner city lives the high life. For Christmas, he receives an expensive fur coat, which he plans to 'enter' into a competition he has going with a fellow doctor concerning who can accumulate the most expensive Christmas gifts. While driving his BMW to work the next day, he hits the shopping cart of an angry-at-the-world street bum. In retaliation, the bum steals the doctor's coat. This event propels the doctor to search beneath the surface of his frivolous obsession with materialism. He attempts to befriend the bum, and to seek out an understanding of the homeless problem. The bum, however, scorns the doctor's friendship, unable to deal with an outsider's help. He is beaten and the coat stolen by a gang. He is left for dead in the subzero weather, and gets frostbitten fingers. The doctor finds him, and fits him with plastic hands. The coat is recovered and instead of keeping it, the doctor gives it to his new patient. The bum refuses it, and confesses to the doctor that he stole the coat. Instead of turning him in, the doctor offers to take the bum into his home, expressing the true heart of charity. The bum accepts the offer and the gift of the doctor's friendship.

Argh... don't exploit 9/11 unless you can back it up.

2005-08-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

"Synopsis: At the very moment the Twin Towers fall, a lapsed Catholic and her husband, a non-practicing Jew, see the first sonogram images of their unborn child. They soon learn that their unborn child has a potentially fatal heart defect. The couple and their respective families deal with this new challenge to what remains of their faith very differently. The wife, a veterinarian, finds unexpected healing after she volunteers to treat cadaver search dogs working at Ground Zero. Her interaction with one special dog and his handler slowly alters her beliefs about how to deal with her personal crisis. The husband, an attorney, attempts to find solace in the supposedly rational world of the law. As the date of the birth draws near, the two of them must decide whether to risk an experimental surgery that, if successful, may prolong their child's life but at a profound cost -- the child will be in almost constant pain. Eventually, life-altering choices -- and sacrifices -- must be made and the meaning of "faith" in the post 9/11 world is challenged."

I doubt even Lifetime would consider this for the Movie of the Week.

2005-08-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

"LOGLINE: A young German woman and Jewish man flee Nazi Germany in search of peace, but find that their previous lives will haunt them wherever they go.

Genre: Drama / True Story

A German woman and a Jewish man fall in love during World War II and try to plan their future even as the world they know is dying around them. He finds a new identity and plans to escape to South America while she struggles to reach him and leave her motherland behind. He throws himself into his new role and disavows his Jewish background, hiding it even from their children. As the Nazi influence spreads throughout Europe, they flee yet again to the shores of America which promise a new start, but find that some problems can never be outrun. He continues to live a lie, hiding his Jewish heritage from everyone and forcing his wife to keep the secret with him. But the lie only serves to force them ever further apart. As she nears the end of her life, the weight of her secrets lead to a powerful revelation and the final days of her life are very different from those she imagined."

This feels redundant to me.

2005-08-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

"Logline: The story of Jesus told as a parable. On a world called Terra, a young man is prophesied to free his people from tyranny through making the greatest sacrifice of all.

Genre: Religion/Fantasy

In a mythical world ruled by a line of tyrant kings, a young man watches the murder of his father at the hand of the kings' evil henchmen. Later in life, he discovers he discovers he is the one prophesied to free his people and to rule the nation. He struggles with accepting his destiny, especially when it appears to cost him the love of his life as well as leads to the death of his men and their rejection of him as leader. As he finally comes to grips with his calling, he discovers that being the Second Adam will require him to make the ultimate sacrifice. He chooses to trust in his God and in doing so saves his people. The movie ends with a twist, it is a parable based on another story, a true story that has impacted the world. And he represents a man whose life has changed the world."

Sue your girlfriend for being too smelly 'coz she doesn't wear deodorant!

2005-08-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

"Log Line:
Sue your neighbor before he sues you, because eventually he will.

Synopsis:
We have a cock-sure, young trial attorney with a 'litigation' problem. He loves to sue. Everywhere he goes he sees potential lawsuits. Coffee too hot, sue. Ice cream too cold, sue. Doctor fails to cure you, sue. Your burger's got too many calories, sue. Can't break the nasty habit of smoking, sue. The cases may be frivolous, and they may border on the ridiculous, but as long as they are profitable, they have merit.

He meets his match when he takes on a class action lawsuit against the organic fast-food chain. During his research, he falls an organic food specialist. She's his polar opposite- a free-spirited, environmentalist waif, who spends her weekends tree-sitting in redwoods.

The organic food chain case takes on epic proportions, when the leading Los Angeles Law Firm makes him a partner in the hopes of using the class action suit as a spring board to sue the whole organic food industry. He stands to become a very rich and famous litigator if he can win.

As his career begins to skyrocket, he discovers that his crush is the daughter of the organic food chain's owner, which forces him to conceal and out right lie to her about what he's doing. In the meantime, she believes she's making progress in getting him to fight for what is right instead of just for the bottom line. But when the truth comes out, he must choose between his career and his relationship."

Oh, Daddy, I'm so sorry I sicced the nano-machines at you! They're currently eating your insides!

2005-08-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

"This a unique screenplay that combines poignant characters with wild action and thought-provoking ideas about nanotechnology, is now available. It tells the story of a brilliant but socially awkward teenager who discovers a top-secret military technology and reprograms it to give himself incredible power over reality. After escaping from his dysfunctional home, he must decide how to use his power while facing simultaneous pursuit by the US government, foreign terrorists, and his own repentant father."

Blazing Doublets: Men in Hose

2005-08-01T15:02:00.000-07:00

"This romantic comedy adventure takes place in 1545 England conveniently just before Shakespeare's birth. It's like watching Blazing Saddles, Men in Tights, and Princess Bride while singing Broadway show tunes and misquoting Shakespeare. A prominent film editor has likened this to "Shakespeare on Crack". The project could easily be done with a small budget although with a larger budget it would be great to hire someone like Jim Carrey as the bumbling French cook.

The plot is the familiar trading of places with the Prince of England and a poor pauper boy with a twist: All the mighty army of England can't save the prince because an evil lord commands them. So it's up to the poor pauper boy and an unlikely cast of idiots who must try to save England without killing each other in the process. It would be fun to get John Cleese to play the almost deaf (from too many explosions) Medieval gadget guy and Will Ferrell as the phantom of the dungeon. There's also a love triangle of mistaken identities adding to the chaos. Mel Brooks has the last line in the film."

Shaun of the Dead II: Bravely Carrying On Where The Movie Ended But I Think It Should Have Kept Going And So I Wrote This Sequel

2005-07-29T15:22:00.000-07:00

"Our hero wakes to the last day of his best friend. Suffering from the flu the other day and mixing a bottle of pills with a little too much to drink, the friend wakes up in the advance stages of rigamortis. Our guy, not wanting to kill his zombified best friend, has to deal with all the brutal killings that it has committed. He soon founds a nice project for his deaden friend. Hearing about a new horror movie that is being filmed, he does what everyone else would do if they had a their own zombie, cast it as an extra. But after his friend kills the lead actor, the cops start to smell something rotten and it now seems that the zombie friend may have to be buried twice."