They're after me lucky charms!
Logline:
A dying old man passes on a long lost, Knights Templar secret...the existence of a magical bridge. One man, his daughter and escapee brother are on the run to the bridge of time and the mythical treasure of the ages...
Genre:
Adventure/fantasy
SYNOPSIS:
On Earth, there is but only one time, one place and one life, or is there...
Man has always dreamed down throughout the Centuries, always searched the seas, sought the answer in the Heavens, for the treasures of the ages and for himself...but now we need each other.
One man, a forty Seven year old Scottish ex-rock musician and ex-con is happily running his craft shop in the Highlands of Scotland and awaits the arrival of his seventeen year old daughter to join him for the weekend. A weekend which will change their lives forever...for his fifty four year old brother is still a con and still on the lookout for one big score but now on the run and undertaken to carry out a dying old man's last wish...
A wish to find the wealth which lies beyond human comprehension. The ultimate treasure which has proved elusive through the ages and where even the skies flow with jewels, coins and medallions. For the old man has seen it with his own eyes in...the magical bridge.
The old man divulges a long lost and life long Templar secret that the mythical bridge that sleeps, lies at a sacred site which can be conjured back up from the mists of time and holds the untold of riches from human history...
The musician, his daughter, and his borther set out on an age old quest through the glens and mountains of ancient Scotland. But they are on the run and in disguise with many people hot on their trail...The Government, the Police, two angry husbands and the Knights Templars. Can they reach their goal, find the sacred site and open the gateway into this mythical lost land...
A comic tale unfolds of adventure, the search for treasure and the wisdom of the ancients, but the world is waiting and time is finally running out. The whole of civilisation depends on two sinners and the truth or will our future hopes and dreams disappear with the bridge forever...
posted by The Empress @ 10:45 AM
41 comments
41 Comments:
A 47-year-old Scottish ex-rock musician? So THAT'S what happened to Big Country. (Does anyone else even remember them? Damn, I'm feeling old.)
I'm confused as to just how many people are even ON this adventure. The logline has a sentence that begins "ONE man, his daughter and escapee brother"...well, that's two men, isn't it? But then by the end of the query, these three people become two sinners. I really don't know why I spend any time on this.
fknekew: the guy from Big Country's profane and heavily accented response to my original, rhetorical question.
Ya know, I hated Brigadoon the first time around.
Said: No, he's not 47, he's forty Seven. There's apparently something special about the seven part.
Then again, he can't spell "borther" and he doesn't know the difference between elipsis and question marks.
Why is their age important but not their names?
Two angry husbands? Where'd they come from? And enough triple periods already! OK, I confess to be guilty of this offense too, but not in a darn query...
...
...
...
So if it's an old Knights Templar secret, why the hell are the 47 year old, the 54 year old and the 17 year old being chased by...the Knights Templar? Shouldn't they know where their stupid magical bridge is?
"The whole of civilisation depends on two sinners and the truth or will our future hopes and dreams disappear with the bridge forever... "
Wha?
efnosts: exactly
I think the lead singer of Big Country is dead. However, I'm pretty sure that Eddie 'Tenpole' Tudor is not.
Not sure where to begin on this one; there is so much that is gold. But, 'nuff said that I have never
" dreamed down throughout the Centuries"
except when my wife makes me wear my bat-suit and harness.
Normally I dream sideways, although I once went without sleep for thirty-six hours and considered sleeping (perchance to dream) where I stood.
"or will our future hopes and dreams disappear with the bridge forever..."
That's sad...and auto-biographical.
At first I thought it said: A weekend witch will change their lives forever.
That would make it a little more interesting, I have never heard of a weekend witch. But it may have added more confusion, which this query has in abundance.
The guy from Big Country is dead?
Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sniff. That almost makes me too sad to rag on the crappy query. But I'll pull myself together long enough to say that I think a place where "the skies flow with jewels, coins and medallions" would be very, very dangerous.
Of course, that could lead to a wonderfully ironic ending. The treasure seekers cross the magical bridge and behold more treasures than they ever could have dreamed of. Then, they are pummeled to death with flying ingots and jewels and gold bars, which reduce them all to a bloody pulp.
It's like "The Goonies" meets "Twister."
ojsaxzk-last sound uttered by the ex-con when he's decapitated by a flying gold platter.
What about the guys from Crowded House? Are they okay?
Given the Big Country references, and the obvious connection between their lyrics to "Big Country" and this query, all I can say is...
Bargaintuan, where are you????
(Thank you, Security Dog and Sally, for sharing in my 80s-induced reverie.)
you know, reading this level of writing makes me feel like a fucking genius. i've always dreamed down throughout the Centuries of being a literary genius. i've always searched the seas, sought the answer in the Heavens, for the treasures of the ages and for myself. but now we need each other (and i like that a lot)
literary fucking genius
"One man, his daughter and escapee brother"
So the one man is his daughter AND his escapee brother AT THE SAME TIME. So he's a knights templar musician who dresses in drag for all of his shows, hiding behind three personas. Now it makes sense. That's brilliant! Green light!
ajrmgvcm: name given to magical, rock & roll bridges
Is the forty Seven year old the same as the dying old man? Or is the ex-con dying? Someone else entirely? Why doesn't anyone in the mythical land have a name? And is this bridge the same as BiFrost of Scandinavian legend? If so, why the hell is everyone scottish? And what happened to the Bay City Rollers? Are they dead too?
ztmgri: the name of the last album made by the Bay City Rollers, an epic rock opera about a magical bridge and it's mythical treasure
mcawwg: the name of the magical scottish iceman that protects the mythical treasure
If they are on the run to the bridge of time, can the just pop over and kill Hitler while they're at it?
Remind me again why the whole of civilization depends on this? I thought they were just out to score some riches for themselves, greedy bastards.
Okay I think the dying old man is a Templar. If that's the case, and he's supposedly infused with the wisdom of the cult, why would he share the location of a bridge to riches with a con man? No wonder the Knights Templar are extinct.
Please, they're Scottish. One pass by a pub and this story is over.
First off, I am pretty sure the guys from Crowded House are alright. While flipping channels one day I landed on "I Love the 80s" and caught a spot on them. There wasn't any mention of death but then again, I didn't search through Google, either.
Anyhow, the original inspiration I had to question the Acid the Query Writer was on when they wrote it out.
efkpwzfc: the sound my brain made when synapses snapped while reading this Query, refusing to continue.
(To be read while imagining an orchestra getting ready to pounce in the background.)
On Earth, there is but only one time...and that is but breakfast time where the eaters of breakfast eat but Lucky Charms, for there is but one magical bridge and that magical bridge goes to no place other than but the Lucky Charms factory, and should not be confused with the magical bridge that but goes to the Froot Loops factory, or with but any of the vast myriads and plethoras of bridges that go but to any of the other cereal factories....
Sorry to go off on a tangent, but (music swells) I have always dreamed down throughout the Centuries, always searched the seas, sought--
Sorry again. I've just been gently reminded at stickpoint by a cardboard colonel to stifle the fairyspeak immediately.
lkdcca: The colonel says this is but too, too easy.
(I've tried to say it out loud, but I just can't seem to wrap my lips around the word.)
"For the old man has seen it with his own eyes in...the magical bridge."
Sounds to me like the old man has been indulging in some magical substances.
So, the con guy is under some obligation to complete the request of the dying old man who told him that he has to search for some untold wealth which may or may not be hidden near or about a magical bridge which may contain some or all of the Bay City Rollers and a dead (or is he?)singer from Big Country? My head hurts.
Are the Proclaimers still okay?
mssdkzdk: The ancient Scottish rock band who sang the chants at the ribbon cutting for the magical bridge somewhere in the mists of time.
qzvjzmlc: The sound produced when you slip on a little leprechaun like a banana peel.
(I'll stop now. I won't even look at the next WV.)
(I failed that one, so it doesn't count. Mortimer Fenby but wishes that I continue.)
rphwrvfu: Same thing a minute later, only with a high-heeled shoe and a drunk, angry, unlucky little leprechaun.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
As a public service:
Wee Hebridean Goggle-eyed folk groaners they are, the Proclaimers still tour the British Isles, in rude health as well.
More's the pity.
Crowded House are still going, minus one member who topped himself after years of depression at not being a twin.
Of course, Split Enz were better.
The Bay City Rollers, I understand, are doing the retro-tours as we speak. However, I seem to recall one of them being busted for his kidddie porn collection, but then again, that may have been another popular crooner of the time.
This brings back awful Glam / Pop Rock flashbacks of the Sweet, and Slade, and...gulp...the Osmonds.
There's a message floatin' in the air.
Crazy horses ridin' everywhere.
It's a warning, it's in every tongue.
Gotta stop them crazy horses on the run.
iqstd - Clamidia for the bookish, and something I doubt Marie ever experienced.
You're right, Dog. I don't think Donny ever had that to give her.
ghtaieb: An exclamation that is but exclaimed upon thinking in one's mind about Donny and Marie having a go at one another, rudely. Also, a virgin cocktail that contains goat squeezings--named but from the sound emitted by the unfortunate goat.
It just occurred to me that Lucky Charms aren't Scottish in the least bit are they.
Okay, no one shoot me but I don't think the IDEA is too bad. However the guy that attempted to write it should be SHOT and dragged behind a cart that is towing a bunch of those Lucky Charms. Looks like a SciFi baddie to me. Someone re-write it already.
mmhceunq: The sound you make while chewing a mouthful of Lucky Charms as you listen to Big Country.
Jeez, from the queries, you'd think there were Knights Templar on every frickin' street corner. We're practically infested with Knights Templar. Somebody should spray for those things.
jdteki: Tech support staffed by juvenile deliquents.
Assuming that these loosers actually make to the bridge of time and gather all the treasures of the ages, how do they think they're going to fence these things?
djnggki: Getting jiggy with a kinky leprechaun.
how are they going to fence those things?
Hello eBay!
xxtmapm: The panning of an Xtreme movie by People magazine.
Security Dog: alright, my friend, you've gone one step too far. I enjoy your comments, but putting down Slade? That I cannot abide. *puts on his "Keep Your Hands off my Power Supply" LP and his hairspray*
'Gudbye to Jane'...I love that track.
i saw the sky overflowing with jewels, coins, and medallions, once. no bridge involved, though.
i think they called the place a 'renfest'.
that would explain the giant turkey legs this thing has got, too.
I didn't see any of that while tripping. The ground was made out of sponge, but I think it was worthless blue kitchen sponge.
lwrarcye: Exercise-wear for public defenders. A sort of non-breathable Lyrca that comes pre-pilled under the arms and between the legs. Usually in clearance rack colors.
Oh, hell, no one's going to read these posts anymore so I can keep going.
telhni: Tahini for public defenders. Manufactured in prisons by scraping the sesame seeds off stale McDonald's buns and grinding them with amputated pig's feet that have been screwed into the beater posts of old mixers.
Mortimer won't stop, so why should I?
kscfaqo: Espresso for public defenders. Made from Sanka and Ecuadorian tap water. Serve in little bathroom Dixie cups decorated with FAQs about colonoscopy bags and the occasional catheter fun fact.
And the treasure at the end of this one is what?
A universal supply of frosted lucky charms! Now everyone can always enjoy a sugary, healthy breakfast!
Well now heaven forbid I guess the goverment the Knights Templar and MOST IMPORTANTLY the angry spouses never want us to ever have a healthy breakfast again.
May they burn eternally
At first I thought it said: A weekend witch will change their lives forever.
That would make it a little more interesting, I have never heard of a weekend witch. But it may have added more confusion, which this query has in abundance.
From 5 p.m. Friday to 9 a.m. Monday, she's "The Weekend Witch"...watch her produce 64 hours of magical mayhem!
kafireo: Get piping hot coffee or tea straight from the container, without use of a stove, oven or microwave. Now at leading stores everywhere!
Why are the Templars the new in-villains? I know a bunch of them and they're a) partying Eurotrash pretending to do charity work b) military types networking internationally
I want to punch this guy in the face. Really, if I met him I would kick his ass.
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Oh! I now know the reason why I can't find the land of flowing treasures in the mountain spring winds! It's because I need to get a con to find it for me.
You should call it:
"Bridge to Teri-bbleia.........."
...Elle...
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