Some Scrooge in drag for this holiday season
What do you get when you put Scrooge in a sequined dress?
You get a spoiled pop star whose Christmas season is anything but joyous. I would like to submit my script, a holiday fantasy screenplay, to your company.
A self-centered diva wants everything her way and demands that everyone around her put Christmas on hold for her career.
Enter an angel in search of her wings with just one assignment- drag the scrooge-like diva into the spirit of season.
With a snap of her fingers, the angel and the diva change places. While the singer sees Christmas through the eyes of the less fortunate, the angel gets busy changing the singer's world.
posted by The Empress @ 10:36 AM
52 comments
52 Comments:
"With a snap of her fingers, the angel and the diva change places. While the singer sees Christmas through the eyes of the less fortunate, the angel gets busy changing the singer's world. "
Frankly, I think the angel is getting the crappy end of the deal here....diva gets to float around going "Like Christmas sucks in Bangladesh cuz like they don't even celebrate the birth of Jebus" while the angel has to boot out baby dady, hit the gym and dermatologist, ban the weedman and repossess Ferraris...Wow...this kinda sounds familiar....
What do you get? If you think of Alastair Sim as I did, you apparently get vivid nightmares and mortgage-requiring therapy bills.
This screenplay has Hallmark Holiday Special written all over it.
And if you look closer, you could find the leftover bits of screenplays and books that the writer cut-and-pasted to create this gem.
Didn't they make this movie already? No, seriously, with like Vanessa Williams, and it came on the Lifetime Movie Channel. We didn't need it then and we certainly don't need it now.
Any movie with a singer in the main role will always do well. The record company will stump up half the cash for a start. Its probably in profit before anyone sees it!
Tim Clague
PROJECTOR FILMS
My Blog
um, yeah...okay. go ahead and make it. we'll run it every xmas for a few years and rerelease the dvd around the holidays until we make our money back. should work. i guess. whatever...
now, back to my nap
Anyone else get a Tootsie vision of Bill Murray in a red sequined dress singing the theme to Scrooged / Glitter?
Of course, the whole "angel in search of her wings" thing gives me a vision of Jimmy Stewart in the Tootsie "drag" dress.
skbjy: Scooby-doo joy.
It started off so well; I thought we were going to get a grumpy old man in a sequined dress doing Doris Day covers. Then an angel comes down, gives him a sherry enigma, and he discovers the true meaning of Christmas. S/He promptly joins Building Bombs for Christ (BBC), runs for president and starts a war of mass destruction. S/He gets a WWJB (Who Would Jesus Bomb) tattoo on its upper left butt cheek and starts throwing up after masturbating. The movie comes to a crescendo with a sobbing Fellatio scene involving a Dick Cheney… fade to black. I like mine better.
This looks like a Halmark special with a surgically reconstructed Jane Seymour as the spoiled pop star gone to seed. I see Jack Black as the angel.
mvavbsn: The sound of my cursing as a minivan pulls out in front of me, causing me to slam on my breaks, and then proceeding under the speed limit while I nearly wrap my car around a telephone pole to get around the stupid bitch. Not that it's necessarily a woman. However, it usually is. Damnit.
That should read, "brakes." Damnit.
I think the One Horse Shy ad is talking to us like Vagiba does. I thought the Aqua Teens were talking to us, too, but they're simply promising to control our minds. It's working. I want a milkshake all of a sudden and I haven't even clicked the banner yet.
ugtcigd: My kind of wingless angel, played by chain smoking ex-con with a face comparable to Walter Matthau's. Now for the diva...does Michael Jackson count?
Dear Pajiba:
You complied with my request for a naked man. However, he is not Clive Owen. I have had nothing but good things to say about your reviews and would be delighted to engage in tapioca pudding wrestling with my fellow lesbian vampires should it result in naked Clive Owen pictures.
Kind Regards,
Meg
PS. focmyfe: What Clive and I would be up to if the world were not such a cruel place.
xtutvdxi: The Gods Must Be Crazy-speak for "Michael Jackson is no longer welcome on the magic TV box. He is bad girl."
rcrmmn: The sound my car made this morning when a conversion van did the same thing to me as that minivan did to Meg. I'm taking a poll, Meg. Was there anyone within a mile behind you when that idiot decided to pull out in front of you?
nbcfbhg: The working title for Will and Grace. (Too easy.)
troikred: The annoyance caused by pushing around a shopping cart with a squeaky wheel.
Let's cast Patricia Heaton in all the roles. She can do anything. Oh, except act and make people like her.
No, of course there was no one behind me when the minivan did that. I am going to write my autobiography and it will be entitled, "The Blue Minivan." At all times in my life, there has been a blue minivan pulling out in front of me for NO apparent reason. Why are they always that stupid shade of baby blue?
srtaysh: Schedule 2 controlled substance that has a side effect of an uncontrollable desire to buy a minivan.
How about Scrooge in a dark grey suit: Fuck you, Holidays.
I liked this movie when it was "Scrooged," simply because I think "The bitch hit me with a toaster!" is one of the funniest lines ever spoken in a Christmas movie.
Unfortunately, I haven't liked this movie the other 867 times it has been made, especially the 543 versions that are currently preempting "Who's Line Is it Anyway" reruns on the Family Channel.
As an aside, I can't really figure out which families the Family Channel is targeting with their "original" movies, as most of them look like crap that Spike TV has too much class to run. Specifically, I refer to their current heavily promoted movie that plays off the idea of the Three Wise Men and the Virgin Mary, but casts them as mafia hit men and, apparently, a heavily pregnant stripper.
Yup. I'll be keeping the kiddos up late Christmas Eve to watch that one.
"What do you get when you put Scrooge in a sequined dress?"
Barbra Streisand?
Meg,
I ain`t not no Clive Owen critter but I`ll git nekkid fer ye if'n I kin watch some of them thar lezbean vampires a rastlin' in tapioca.
"You get a spoiled pop star..."
Household hint: Keeping your pop stars in Tupperware, or wrapping them in plastic wrap, keeps them from spoiling during the busy holiday season.
Just ask Roy Orbison.
rgbkzy: Ah, I remember the cozy my mother knitted to cover the RGB monitor I had hooked up to my first computer...
Ohhh... this is really sad to say (and even scarier to admit that I know), but they ARE making this as a TV movie starring Tori Spelling. I don't think she's a pop star, but same thing otherwise.
nbarfmb: threatening to barf if Donna Martin doesn't graduate.
What is this American obsession with angels losing/earning their wings? In Catholic countries we call those angels by their old testament names: Lucifer, Beelzebub... Makes for better ratings too.
ftmtvk: fallen angels threatening fatwah and/or lawsuits over Hallmark TV misrepresentations
They already remade Scrooge as a pop diva with Vanessa Williams of all people. VH1 plays that crap at least 60 times each December. Maybe it just feels like 60 times.
Why are they always that stupid shade of baby blue?
Because it was either that, or white. Nobody makes minivans in cool colors like electric orange or lime green. Believe me, I asked before I bought my Boring Blue van.
Maybe the angel could really screw up the singer's world permanently, as penance for her sins. That would be fun. "Sorry, Vanessa, now that we're switching places back, I've got a ten-year contract as the lead role in the road version of 'Xanadu.' Buh-bye, I'm off to heaven now."
wkzbisrx: tap-dancing motion as you attempt to walk through the spilled dog food on the floor with an armful of groceries.
I used to have a VIrgin Mary blue car and it would never start, so I've come to the conclusion that I'm an angel and must therefore search this entire bottle of gin for my wings. I know there in here somewhere.... Gin bottles come with prizes, too, don't they?
trsji: Theft of a cereal box prize that you don't want, but your brother sure as hell isn't getting it.
What do you get when you put Scrooge in a sequined dress?
What "A Christmas Carol" would have looked like if Dickens had written it today. See, not only was Ebenezer miserly, but he was hitting on his female help as well...so the ghosts also show his transgendered past, present and future.
"Change your sexist ways, Scrooge, or I'll force this massive dose of estrogen down your throat and you'll soon be shopping for bras!"
dagjw: Blondie's husband, the Orthodox version. (His sandwiches are kosher, of course.)
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