And now, for something completely different!
Dear all,
Rather than surprising you with unsolicited material, I would first like to ask whether your company accepts inquiries, for I'd like to pitch my feature length screenplay to you. If so, I'd be glad to send you a query letter and if desired, the completed script. I hope to hear from you soon.
Best Regards,
Writer
Well, I still don't accept unsolicited queries, but I appreciate your politeness and competent writing skills!
posted by The Empress @ 11:43 AM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Hey - the guy can make complete senteces. Which as we all know, is the first step to a succesful screenplay. His obviously tender, mild-mannered heart may not last two seconds West of Nevada, but good grammar has to count for something.
I say give him a shot.
you know, my company does not accept unsolicited inquiries regarding the possibility of sending a query concerning whether or not we would be interested in looking a script (prospectively).
we require a personal recommendation from an agent, then several face to face meetings before we allow new writers to inquire about the possibility of sending a query
Oh Empress, he sounds cute and polite. Let's see what he's got. I bet he's a virgin.
He sounds like the kind of guy who treats a girl really nice and buys her stuff, and then she goes home with the jerk who ignors her and beats her up.
I think he should be taken out back and shot for not sending the query. We're in the business of making fun of people here. How terribly rude and inconsiderate.
avzbuveg: A person who is constantly sick as a direct result of their germ phobia.
"Rather than surprising you with unsolicited material..."
If only all my dates were so polite...
Still, is it wrong to want to smash this wimp's books to the ground, trip him into a puddle, steal his lunch money and put a "kick me" note on his back?
Taffy, Here’s a query to satisfy your query-bashing urges.
Dear Empress,
Let me present you with the next Oscar winning (Best Picture) screenplay. I wrote it myself over the last ninety two days. It’s about a guy trying to solicit material and the troubles he faces. It’s 1396 and a Dutch trader sits quietly aboard his vessel. To combat the boredom he takes pen in hand and cranks out what would become the greatest action adventure story ever told. When he presents it to the queen she scoffs at him calling it a waste of time and orders him to be beheaded. As luck would have it a time traveling assassin is zapped accidentally into his cell. The confused hit man reads our man story and loves it. He offers to take it back to the future, where he is from, and pitch it.
In ACT ][ the trader guys gets the idea to switch places with guy. He learns his new cell mate was going back in time to kill some fellow named Hitler. While the guy is sleeping our man swaps clothes and uses the particle transmitter to time travel forward. The other guy is beheaded the following morning.
ACT 3: Our man makes it to the future. He’s puzzled by all the modern technology. Confused he decides to carry out the other guy’s mission and kills the Hitler guy. With in minutes he is arrested for murder. Turns out he killed a character in the new musical “The Producers”. By year end our man is convicted and executed by lethal injection.
It’s kind of like: TimeCop meets When Harry Met Sally.
I look forward to doing business with you soon.
nrllg: the condition of having spaghetti noodles tied in knotes.
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