Thursday, November 17, 2005

Oy vey and a half

We would like to submit the details of our screenplay for your review.
Thank you very much for your consideration and response.

This script is in the style of "Blazing Saddles Meets Brighton Beach Memoirs".

SYNOPSIS: Modeled around the exploits of a young Mel Brook-like Character and his friends living in a neighborhood where everybody is crazy. (Mel actually grew-up in Brighton Beach). Friends include a Gene-Wilder-type character and a Gilbert Gottfried-type character.

Much of the screenplay is skit-comedy as with movies such "And Now For Something Completely Different" from Monty Python. Each skit includes the friends in a different situation, such as:

Getting lost on W.D. Road in Plattsburgh where "Uncle Charlie" from "My Three Sons committed cattle mutilations;

Getting thrown out of Lenny's Clam Bar in Queens for repeatedly "Asking for Frankie and Getting a Free Glass of Wine On the House";

Playing basketball with the Morlocks at Lincoln High School Night Center;

Mistakenly joining an Al-Qaeda College House Plan and going though "Pledge Week"

Developing James Brown Big Dance Number "I'm Living With Meschugana Tuchus"

25 Comments:

At 11:18 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

I got to sentence 2 and "Thank you very much" suddenly caused me to read the rest of the query in Latka's voice (from Taxi).

mypikdg: Ripping off Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Gibert Gotfried, the entire Monty Python troup, and The Groove Tube, and still thinking you have written an original screenplay.

Well, at least they didn't end with, "Wanna see it?"

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

STARRING: The Query Writers!!!!

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I think they may have inadverently written an original screenplay because nothing they've mentioned so far sounds like anything Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Gilbert Gottfried, or Monty Python would ever write.

mehzv: Something uttered upon dismissing this query.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

I think they did a typo.
I think they meant shit-comedy, because none of these skits sound funny in the least.
I bet these guys just crack themselves up after drinking a little too much Mogen David.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

"Playing basketball with the Morlocks at Lincoln High School Night Center"...

Well, as a good Texican I have only the vaugeist idea of where any of these places are, so I must confess that the no doubt vast humorious potential of "Lenny's Clam Bar in Queens" and the "W.D. Road in Plattsburgh" eludes me. However I have read H.G. Wells, and if I recall correctly the Morlocks were a race of brutal, enslaved mutants who lived underground and had canibalistic tendencies. ....So I'd actually pay to see this query writer meet up with them for a midnight baskeball game.

Perhaps The Nororious Mr. Fenby could use the sound made as the query writer's brain was sucked out his nose and consumed by the Morlocks as a word verification.

ettiscie- Short lived biotech corporation that attempted to create drugs to make children polite and well mannered. Taken over by Cyberdyne Systems in a corporate take over after the dot.com bust of 2001

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Getting thrown out of Lenny's Clam Bar in Queens for repeatedly "Asking for Frankie and Getting a Free Glass of Wine On the House";

You know it might be more interesting to see them get thrown out of Lenny's Clam Bar BY queens...

Think "Will and Grace" meets "Celebrity Boxing" meets "E.R."

Is Ru Paul still around?

gfeuwc - Obscure word of Welsh origin meaning "tallentless 30 year old query writer who lives in his mama'ss basement and thinks he's funny because his mama tells him he is".

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I think I may have developed a cure for this query:

This script is in the style of "My Blazing Saddle" meets the Nearly Departed Nursing Home.

SYNOPSIS: Modeled around the exploits of an even older Mel Brooks-like character and his friends living in a nursing home where everyone is completely demented. (Mel will probably end up in a nursing home someday.) Residents include an incontinent Gene Wilder-type character and a rambling loud-mouthed Alzheimers patient named Gilbert Gottfried.

Much of the screenplay is skit-comedy as with movies such "And Now For Something Completely Different" from Monty Python. Each skit includes the friends in a different situation, such as:

Gilbert gets lost on the way to the bathroom and instead uses what he thinks is a Porto-Potty that's parked in the cafeteria. Little does he know he's doing ca-cas in Edna Millbury's giant, portable pill box! Hijinks ensue as Edna unknowingly wheels Gilbert onstage during the Annual Tea Time Jubilee...and he can't find the toilet paper!!!

Gene gets thrown out of the cafeteria for repeatedly asking for a salad made from his dead wife's tonsils and shouting Bingo! every time Mel eats a carrot.

Mel, whose been deaf for twenty years, wins a raffle to have his head knocked off in a plane crash over the Andes mountains. Hijinks ensue as he thinks he's won a turkey.

The members of Monty Python (urn included) join the cast for the grand finale--a rousing rendition of Mel's new dance number, The Thorazine Shuffle.

zpgybul: Meschugana on pills.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

mirpcof: The sound of an urn doing the Thorazine Shuffle.

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Sharla said...

I'm speechless.

hhefro: The choking noise I made.

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Way to go with the dated cultural references and complete lack of originality, guys! This is what happens when people mix improv, vodka and a bootlegged copy of Final Draft..

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger His Monkey Wife said...

You may be right, shelly123, but I think they also started reminiscing about all those awesome skits the guys came up with college and why can't they make a movie out of that? Hell, it worked for the National Lampoon franchise.

jplujju: stammering when you answer the phone because you just crammed your mouth full of french fries.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

ylikujju: What these nebishes think we think.

Oh, I live for the Word Ver. now.

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger blosstonian said...

ntguh: Queens slang for NOT GOOD.

 
At 1:30 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

I'm glad they submitted the details of their screenplay. But where the hell is the plot?
mhsmbhr: query writer's vodka-fumed self-reminder to include a storyline in his next pitch.

 
At 5:53 AM, Blogger Ichabod said...

It's hard to give the writer of this query enough credit to ACTUALLY criticize their work, but seriously, you don't just come up with comedians who can do Mel Brooks-like or Gene Wilder-like characters.

The people who are funny enough to be in that league are already writing and performing in their own movies, and they don't need hack ripoff artists to supply their material.

Rarely has a query made me angry, they're mostly just dumb or amusing, but this one really gets my goat.

bvvilz: the sound of my paper shredder. I printed this one out just so I could shred and burn it.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

HAHAHA, I'm getting ads for Spamalot tickets.

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger k_sra said...

I don't see what's wrong with this query. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. "Meschugana Tuchus?" I can't even spell it, that's how funny it is. And this is great: a bunch of old men doing comedy sketch for 2 hours! You never know what will happen next! This query made my lunch!

I think I'm gonna break the piggy bank and finance this mother.

ygsilt: a good investment opportunity for a major motion picture studio.

Oh, and Taffy, you totally fixed it!

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger kojled said...

you're submitting the 'details of your screenplay'? i'm sorry. what? details for my review? tell you what: get the movie made and i'll catch it on disc and let you know what i think. how's that? it's a win win, right? take care

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger oneslackmartian said...

"SYNOPSIS: Modeled around the exploits of a young Mel Brook-like Character and his friends living in a neighborhood where everybody is crazy.

Maybe they can get Mel Brook to star in it, along with Tommy Lee Jone and Tom Hank. I bet they can get Teven Pielberg to direct.

ggbts: new price for gas after the numbers run out

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger stackdogg said...

I have an idea for a script; its in the style of my foot meets your ass. Its a romantic comedy of manners set in the 12th century.

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

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