Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I hope he feels the need to FLIP OUT and KILL SOMEONE

Logline: A street racer uncovers a broken artifact while working in a museum warehouse, which releases a banished ninja spirit into his body. They must learn to work together in order to prevent a ninja sorcerer from unleashing an ancient demon plague upon humanity.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Apparently this author has not heard of PERSONAL ADS

LOGLINE: A single woman bets her three married friends that she can find a date anywhere in the USA in time for a charity ball.

SUMMARY: A twenty-eight year old woman wakes up in the middle of the night with severe abdominal pressure. After a series of grueling medical tests – all negative, her doctor tells her that she’s worrying too much and that what she really needs is a man. Incensed over this “medical” advice, she complains to her three married friends, who agree with the doctor. Insisting that the lack of a male companion is not her problem, she claims that finding a man is easy. She makes a $10,000 bet with her three Nashville friends that she can find a date anywhere in the USA in time for the Begonia Ball, which is four days away. Her friends send her to Texas, where she searches desperately for a handsome prince to take to the ball.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Not my cup of tea

I'd like to show you if I may an available action thriller feature spec:

An American Professor and his beautiful companion race across the world, one step ahead of assassins, in search of a Native
American boy who is the key to an ancient legend involving the Old Testament's Tree of Life. (Indiana Jones meets the English Patient.)

Would you like to get a copy at the above address and if so, to whose attention would you like it addressed?

Friday, November 18, 2005

Larry Blotter and the Ripoff From the 37th and a Half Dimension

I write in regards to my full-length screenplay, which I would like for you to consider. Spoof comedy would best classify the work as it is a take off from many of the popular sci-fi and fantasy movies of the past three decades. Though the story is driven by pop-culture humor, the story can stand on its own.

Logline: What do you get when a midget-wizard from earth mates with the universe's most heralded intergalactic knight? You get a less than immaculate heir to the title of world savior.

Synopsis: Rife with spoof comedy and clichés, our hero's past resurfaces when he receives his acceptance letter to Pigmole's School of Witchcraft and Conartistry seven years late at the age of 18. Gambling his way to earth with his alcoholic uncle, his lifelong guardian after an evil villain killed his parents, he finds that that same villain means to finish the job and someone close to him is going to help him. If that were not enough to deal with, he has not inherited either of his parents' powers and his classmates are 7 years his juniors. We couldn't make this stuff up, but, oh, we just did.

When Random Themes Converge

Dear Sirs,

I would like to see if you would consider reading my script, a supernatural thriller.

My script tells the story of a college student who falls in love with a young woman whose dreams foretell the future. When she dreams of her imminent murder, he must solve a series of mystic riddles and defeat a sinister occult society, in a race against time to save her life.

The themes of my script range from lucid dreaming, precognitive nightmares and astral projection, to 19th century paintings, romantic poetry and occult Tarot cards.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Oy vey and a half

We would like to submit the details of our screenplay for your review.
Thank you very much for your consideration and response.

This script is in the style of "Blazing Saddles Meets Brighton Beach Memoirs".

SYNOPSIS: Modeled around the exploits of a young Mel Brook-like Character and his friends living in a neighborhood where everybody is crazy. (Mel actually grew-up in Brighton Beach). Friends include a Gene-Wilder-type character and a Gilbert Gottfried-type character.

Much of the screenplay is skit-comedy as with movies such "And Now For Something Completely Different" from Monty Python. Each skit includes the friends in a different situation, such as:

Getting lost on W.D. Road in Plattsburgh where "Uncle Charlie" from "My Three Sons committed cattle mutilations;

Getting thrown out of Lenny's Clam Bar in Queens for repeatedly "Asking for Frankie and Getting a Free Glass of Wine On the House";

Playing basketball with the Morlocks at Lincoln High School Night Center;

Mistakenly joining an Al-Qaeda College House Plan and going though "Pledge Week"

Developing James Brown Big Dance Number "I'm Living With Meschugana Tuchus"

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I am screenwriter, hear me roar!

My script is a roaring action drama by previously published writer whose screenwriting has also sold. This spec property is available for acquisition/development and I'd be happy to send you a copy for review.

"A wannabe fighter pilot hires a war buddy ace to create new, extreme flying-motorcycle planes for airshow dogfights in this CGI-driven action drama. Sons vie for victory, love, and dad's respect. When the younger son takes his title away, the older turns outlaw and is used by the evil ace to a tragic end. Mix Death Of A Salesman, East Of Eden, and Rollerball on wings."

Would you like to see it?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Let's play 'shake' the baby!!!! That sounds dirty.

My screenplay is about a cynical , hard driving Public Defender who represents a woman who operates a day care facility, who is charged with 'shaking' and killing a child, and the nightmare she endures until our Public Defender becomes involved.

Wanna see it?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Apparently the feelings chip from Data on ST:TNG has fallen into this query

When the military starts to get tried of casualties in the war, they being to make a top-secret weapon that would put an end to the fell of human soldiers. They start to make Android soldiers, which would look and do everything like man, but will not die. However, they forgot to add one thing to them, which is Feelings. So when Android 15 fells in love while fighting for his county he is left to decide weather to tell her, what he is, or not.

Hello, I was just wonder if you would be interested in this outline, for this really great script I wrote, of maybe someone you know. if so please get in touch with me.thank you

Just because a teen is babysitting doesn't mean he/she wants to watch this stuff!

Dear Hollywood Execs,

If you were to take a gifted little girl suppressed by controlling parents, add a pair of glasses she believes to be magic, a curious adventurous cat, an ATM bandit on the loose, a fateful collision must occur. A girl and her cat take on a course of apprehending the bandit who is causing quite the stir in Seattle (could be any major city).

My script becomes a delightful children's action adventure film in which children and cats appear smarter than adults. This script could be shot live action or animated with equally fabulous results.

This property could easily become a "babysitter" DVD appreciated by parents for its upbeat message and G rating. The script is charming and with a cute little girl (like Dakota Fanning or whoever you think is cute) and an Abyssinian cat, it's hard for this project to miss.

To take a look at a one page blurb, a treatment or the 85 page script, please send an e-mail or call. I'd prefer to send treatments in pdf attachments. The script can be sent over in a pdf or by post.

I look forward to hearing from you. Please respond soon. This one will go fast.


The Writer

Friday, November 11, 2005

Lean Cuisine-Spotting

In this comedy thriller, the theft of her Lean Cuisine from the office kitchenette sends a disillusioned pharmaceutical employee on a quest for revenge that involves murder, mayhem and hypoglycemia.

The glamorous façade of the pharmaceutical industry has crumbled for our heroine, a thirty-something marketing professional living in suburban Philadelphia. Disillusioned by the industry and office politics, things finally come to a head during a late-night work session when someone steals her Lean Cuisine from the office freezer. In the process of hunting down the culprit, she unwittingly witnesses a murder — or does she? With the help of her friends, she tracks down the truth about what she saw and about herself. Quirky and irreverent, my script serves up an inside look at the dirty underbelly of the pharmaceutical industry.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I've got some feedback for you...

"I am an author for a screenplay that is based on 100 years of recorded history. The screenplay I've written is inspired by true events. I've changed the names of the Town and the Characters in order to protect the innocence.

Tobacco Valley is a piece of land that was known for slavery in a small town out of Tennessee but became the property for the a family during the emancipation of slavery. This particular land was handed down from the late 1800's until the year 2003.

The main character is about the first Black female singer to appear on a country music label out of Nashville, Tennessee during the early 1960's. She inherits Tobacco Valley because she helped reunite her Mother and Grandmother who didn't speak for approximately 38 years. Out of gratitude, she became the 4th heir to the land.

Her singing career and inheritance of Tobacco Valley caused a scandal between 2 of her 7 sisters. This family feud created a secret that later effected the fate of Tobacco Valley and the destruction of a close family.

Anyone who critiques this script immediately provides positive feedback. Here is your opportunity to evaluate this script and feel the experience that will mesmerize your mind."

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

1. There's no way you're getting the rights to that title from James Cameron. 2. I find your claim at the end to be ridiculously untrue

Gail Russell was one of Hollywood's most beautiful women. Possessed of a beauty that transcends the ages, she became a star at 19. She starred with John Wayne at 25 and had her star on Hollywood Boulevard at 27. Dead at 35. Gail Russell never wanted to be an actress, but no one would listen. They were too mesmerized by her beauty, but she was never strong enough to say 'no,' not even to the vodka that ultimately killed her. While biopic Dark Angel is about 1940 -50s actress, Gail Russell, her sad and tragic story is as timely today as it was at the time of her death in 1961. No work of fiction could be as compelling.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Last serious post, I promise

I noticed that someone posted a comment about the sad death of a producer/writer which occured over the summer. This appears to be the first in what I hope will not be a long line of guesses about who ManagerGuy might have been. He wished to remain anonymous, and his family wants him to remain anonymous, so I would like to ask everyone to avoid hunting through Variety and Hollywood Reporter archives in a quest to unmask MG. If someone posts a guess, I will be forced to remove the comment (sorry PJ). Let's avoid dragging out someone else's tragedy. Thank you,

The Empress

Monday, November 07, 2005

Taking One Step Back

Dear Faithful Readers of Query Letters I Love:

Some of you have been wondering why Manager Guy hasn't been posting lately. I too was curious; I thought to myself that perhaps he was on location in an exotic corner of the world where even the query letters couldn't find him. Sadly, I have just received the news that ManagerGuy passed on this summer. With his family's blessing, I will carry on our work to bring QLIL to the world. The blog is now dedicated to his memory. Sic transit gloria mundi,

The Empress

One of these is not like the other

"Logline: College kid and a middle-aged barfly try to find out why the Brooklyn bars are dying.

Sure, whales and spotted owls need protection --- but hold on, first things first--- something more important is endangered: the Brooklyn gin mill.

Not that anyone can quite remember why they're worth saving. . . but there's reason enough for a college kid and an eccentric to search Brooklyn bars for answers.

The two set out on bicycles through the streets of Brooklyn ---and after a French Connection chase on bikes---they stop at various bars hoping to find somebody who's like the Wizard of Bars - the sage behind the cocktail with all the answers about Brooklyn's dying culture. But he's nowhere to be found.

The only way to flush him out is to hold a Brooklyn gin mill reunion. And that---turns out to be one bad idea.

That's my script – now watch the whiplash ---'cause I'd like you to also consider my highly acclaimed book about the true story of those who raced to save others on 9/11 and did so again just two months later when Flight 587 crashed in Rockaway, their home town. (Praised by the likes of Tim Russert, Brian William, David Brooks and EJ Dionne).

I can send along a synopsis or a hardcover edition of the book, if you're interested.

Anyway, comedy or intense drama? What's your pleasure?

Please let me know if you're interested in seeing my script – or if I should send you a copy of my book."

Friday, November 04, 2005

Woah, how many criminals do you know who LIKE to be arrested?? Ok, maybe in SE7EN but that's IT!

I would like to submit my screenplay for your review. It is a thriller focusing on the importance of science in convicting criminals.

But what, if the killer doesn't like the idea of being arrested?

A cop finally gets the chance to arrest a dangerous criminal. But he needs the help of a forensic scientist, making her a target for the killer. Like it or not the cop and the scientist have to work together, if they want to survive and capture the killer.

The criminal's girlfriend is found dead with spots of blood on her hand and neck, because she injured her killer with a letter opener. A detective calls in forensic scientist to compare the DNA of the blood stains with the criminal's. Much to his dismay she challenges the criminal on their very first encounter. This sets off a race between the cops to come up with enough evidence to arrest the criminal, and he fights back with threats, kidnappings and attempts to kill the detective and the scientist. At the same time and in spite of all their differences, those two can't help but fall in love.

Wow, I blew off the American Film Market to read this?

LOGLINE: Nightmares, originating from a long past lifetime of terror, threaten the life of an angelic, and extraordinarily gifted, little girl.

SYNOPSIS: A ten-year-old girl is, all of a sudden, plagued with nightmares, which, she insists, are actual memories of a time, long ago. With the start of these nightmares, she gains a supernatural ability to draw as well as the great artists of the past.

Terror, intrigue, mystery, and romance surround the girl, as she and her dad set out on a frantic search to find the secret to the dreams; a search which brings them face to face with the mystery of life itself, when, in the dank and dusty archives of an old and mysterious art dealer, they discover that her artistic skills were learned at the side of Rembrandt.

But when she and her dad still can’t solve the puzzle and the secret, her life hangs in the balance, since the nightmares will soon kill her.

Finally, the secret is revealed at the last possible moment, and in a completely unexpected manner, in an intensely gripping and emotional scene as the girl, unable to be awakened from her nightmare, is gasping, choking, dying.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


“Liar, Liar” goes to Washington. A political comedy in which the American President is accidentally infected with a virus that forces him to tell the truth--and he’s contagious!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The power of Christ compells you

"For your consideration, my script is a sci-fi, horror, action thriller in the vein of Alien and The Ring about a priest with a violent past and no more faith in humanity, who loses his memory traveling to a remote world and discovers seemingly mute, magical twin girls. The priest can’t solve the puzzle of why he traveled there until he unearths the awful secret of the Twins and the Beast that is terrorizing the planet."