Friday, October 14, 2005

Ahh, l'accent circomflexe. C'est bien!

"Genre - Drama/Thriller

A clandestine mission carried out in the Holy Land has sinister consequences for CIA Agent Jake Phillips. A fanatical adversary will stop at nothing in his pursuit of revenge. At the final reckoning both men will question their raison d'être and more mysteriously, their ideas of faith itself - will you?

I have recently returned from working in the Middle East and this is my first screenplay."

98 Comments:

At 10:52 AM, Blogger ThisisJoe said...

I had a cinnamon raison bagel this morning. It was good, but they put too much d'être on it. Oh well.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger katiescarlet said...

The author's mention that he just returned from the middle east just makes the whole script work. NOT!!

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

What's with all the ancient Hebrew raison d'être's all of a sudden?

At least he named his protagonist, even if it is white bread American WASP Jack Ryan, I mean Jake Phillips.

Apparently fanatical adversary doesn't get a name, probably so that he/she can be the PC bad guy du jour.

"I have recently returned from working in the Middle East" means "I'm trying to expense this trip by charging it to my new freelance screenwriting job."

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Karl Rove, is that you?

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Can questioning your ideas of faith EVER be "mysterious"? Oh, and can you use more cliques?

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger kojled said...

mr. empress

sorry, what was the clandestine mission? what are the stakes (specifically)? why should i care? what is a raisin deter? can we send this guy back to middle east? no!--make the far east. no!--far far east (but, not too far or he'll end up right back here)

ps - did the word 'far' lose meaning in that?

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Raison d'etre--France has Bumper nuts now?

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

Okay, this idea screams for Ad-Libs:

A (MYSTERIOUS EVENT) carried out in (EXOTIC LOCATION) has sinister consequences for (HERO). A (VILLIAN) will stop at nothing in his pursuit of (CONTRIVED MOTIVATION). At the final reckoning both men will question their (PRETENTIOUS FOREIGN PHRASE) and more mysteriously, their (RANDOM PHILOSOPHICAL STANCE) - will you?

I have recently returned from (NON-SEQUITUR) and this is my first screenplay."

GO TEAM!

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

Here's mine:

A crooked election carried out in Hippie Hollow, Texas has sinister consequences for District Attorney, Earl Ronnie. An unscrupulous Senator, Tom LeDay will stop at nothing in his pursuit of partisan political profiteering. At the final reckoning both men will question their feng shui and more mysteriously, their distaste for prison rape - will you?

I have recently returned from Crawford, Texas and this is my first screenplay."

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I want to see this instead. It's more up my alley:

A scented candle buying mission carried out in the Holy Land Strip Mall has sinister consequences for Secret Shopper Mitch Gunderson. A fanatical plug-in air freshener salesman will stop at nothing to prove that his product will not only leave your home smelling much prettier than a stupid old candle, but will also not burn your house down (unless your intoxicated uncle did the wiring). At the Point of Purchase, both men will question why a film crew is following them around and more mysteriously, their faith that the product will even smell like it says it will on the package--will you? I mean, if you want a pot supper-scented house, why not make pot supper for supper? I have recently returned from the midwest and this is my first screenplay.

 
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At 12:45 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Colofilm, this idea screams for AD-Libs(sic?):

A PAJIBA carried out in Intercourse, SC has sinister consequences for The Seven Windows Chick. A Blue Haired Chick will stop at nothing in her pursuit of BUMPERNUTS. At the final reckoning both women will question their Mishegas and more mysteriously, their sinecure - will you?

I have recently returned from synogogue (where I was bored to death during services) and this is my first screenplay."

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger OSURoss said...

"I have recently returned from working in the Middle East"

Hundreds of suicide bombers each year and this guy doesn't get hit?

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger penlies said...

A landestine mission (to tap some Muslim ass) carried out in the Holy Land has sinister consequences (Blown O-ring) for CIA Agent Jake Phillips. A fanatical adversary (slash lover) will stop at nothing in his pursuit of revenge. At the final reckoning both men will question their raison d'être (gay) and more mysteriously, their ideas of faith itself..

What's with all the gay porn??! I like the "undercover/ in the closet" metaphors and all, I even like the forbidden love between the Agent and the Muslim but does it have to get all European and start to question the love?? Why can't they just enjoy some butt loving and move on with the day?

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger classymac said...

Wait a minute.

I dated CNA Insurance Agent Jake Phillips and he told me that he just returned from the Midwest doing some actuarial work and had drinks at Mahmoud O'Shea's (or was it Paddy O'Al-Zawhari's? I gets those two places mixed up all the time!) in St. Louis with his former Catholic high school lacrosse nemesis.

He never mentioned any reckoning but we're not that close. Could it be? Could it be?

 
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A sudden spamming carried out in queryletters.blogspot.com has sinister consequences for Manager Guy. A lurker will stop at nothing in his pursuit of derailing the vitriol of avid query critics. At the final reckoning both men will question their soup du jour and more mysteriously, their tolerance of cross dressers - will you?

I have recently returned from an insane asylum with 60-year-old 16-year-olds and this is my first screenplay.

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Nullus said...

Allo!

Me name ibs Jashafiere Kumraider. Me fromb the Middle of East of 60 yearns. I doed not take these insorent condiments litely! All ye whoeth circumsize my query will be dealded with in an timespam of my Raisonette.

 
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Of course I'm sure a minute is too long for some of the guys on the site.

Hmm, let me see. Where could I find a sex partern? At work? At a bar? At the gym? Next door?

No, I'll go online!

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger Charli said...

I don't speak Greek.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

I have recently returned from working in the Middle East

Aha! The secret of the arab exercise penis is out!

And get it straight--is it the Middle East, or the Holy Land?

 
At 5:50 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

Arabs = the new Communists.

At least we got a character name.

 
At 8:07 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

Apparently fanatical adversary doesn't get a name, probably so that he/she can be the PC bad guy du jour.

Given the "Holy Land" stuff, I suggest that the fanatical adversary should be either a) a televangelist on a tour with his faithful supporters, or b) an evil pedophile priest on a tour with the Vienna Boy Choir.

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Chris said...

When people write query letters like this, the terrorists win.

 
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No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

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At 3:16 PM, Blogger annumarie said...

"...this is my first screenplay."
Believe me, it shows.

Jake Phillips goes to Holy Land the most sinister of consequences on Earth! Will you meet your own fanatical adversary? Come question raison d'être and faith, mysterious faith, today! You will won't you?

 
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An Evangelical Christian Snake Holding Rural Mountain Church Tent Revival carried out in New York City has sinister consequences for Jimmy Bob "Hoss" Nesbit. Rudy Guiliani will stop at nothing in his pursuit of the White House. At the final reckoning both men will question their joie de vive and more mysteriously, their psychological egoism - will you?

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