Friday, September 30, 2005

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"Logline: A former nerd, now a billionaire, secretly arranges for his entire seniorclass to come back and re-live high school all over again.

Synopsis: He was the biggest nerd in high school. Now at the age of 28, he ison top of the financial world with a net worth approaching one billiondollars. His biggest regret, however, was his social life in high school,and never getting the girl he always dreamed of which happened to be thecaptain of the cheerleaders. So, he secretly devises a plan that will bringback everyone from his senior class including teachers, the principal,coaches, and even the retired janitor. Everyone is given the opportunity toreturn to their old high school during the summer for three months tore-live their senior year all over again with the incentive of receiving anenormous check at the end. Suddenly, former students, teachers, coaches, andadministrators find themselves in the exact same schedules and routines asthey had ten years earlier. The same classes, the same seating arrangements,the same sports teams, and even the cafeteria food is the same as it oncewas. Pretty soon, old friendships are renewed, old romances rekindled, andhe hopes that this time around he can have the senior year he hasalways dreamed of."

229 Comments:

At 10:38 AM, Blogger penlies said...

Why do all these queries have to be story driven? Are all films just illustrated narratives? Film is a visually based medium not literary, why can't I go see a movie that is visually engaging with no plot or event? I'll tell you why, it's the same reason that when I go to a museum Po Dunk Sally and Billy Bob keep trying to see ponies in Kandinsky's work. They won't allow the creative side of their brain to enjoy itself. All they want to do is try to make sense of it as if it were a puzzle so they can maintain their illusion of self worth. I hate people. I hate Democracy, whose great idea was it to let the masses decide, most people are stoopid, ya lets let them pick the leader (Bush). People like their art spoon fed and their emotions shrink wrapped and shipped over night. Oh and this query sucks.

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Joe said...

I thinkthat this story should beset in the old high school, which sitsempty in the center of town after anew school was built.

Thenerd could hire an illusionist to "haunt" the school, which would enable him to become the hero to thecaptain of the cheerleaders. He would finally getthe girl he always dreamed of.

Who plays nerds these days? I think we should make the nerd a decade older, becausethat would be more pathetic. AnthonyMichaelHall could be the lead.

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger Joe said...

Just discovered this blog, by the way. It's already essential reading. This is not spam.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger PJ McIlvaine said...

I can count at least three different movies in this: PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED, ROMEY AND MICHELLE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, BACK TO THE FUTURE and I'm sure there must be more.

Pass.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger RockSteady said...

How big is this check he's promising everyone? Enough that everyone's willing to put their lives on hold to play out this fantasy for this guy? He could probably save himself a lot of money and just buy the cheerleader.

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

It's a good thing we don't live in a free society, so people can get forced into living crappy plotlines like this.

Cunting Linguist. (For adults.)

the Last Ditch.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger katiescarlet said...

Coming this fall to a T.V. station near you, a new reality show, High School revisited. And this time, the rules are the same, the old romances are the same and the nerd still has no chance!

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger boredinchicago said...

yeah alright, i'll go back and relive high school if you pay me a million dollars!!!

oh wait you will pay me a million dollars? i'm in!

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger Sahve said...

There isn't enough money in the world to make me relive high school for three months, much less watch a movie about people stupid and/or greedy enough to want to do so. Hmmm...perhaps this was written by a nerd who really wanted to date thecaptain of the cheerleaders? Perhaps he even sent her really poorly written letters of adoration and watched as she and her friends laughed at them and tore them to shreds. Better yet, they published them in the school paper and everyone laughed at him. I wonder why this particular query is bring out such a mean streak.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

Wasn't there already a reality show with this premise?

The same sports teams? Who the hell do they play? Now he has to hire all the old sports teams from the surrounding towns, too.

I am guessing if he just told the bitchy cheerleader he is worth a few billion, she would be into him.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

Bad field trip to the museum today, Penlies?

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Script typing as therapy. Thanks for sharing.

Same sports teams? Now filled with slow, overweight former jocks in Dockers and golf shirts? I feel a pulled Achilles coming on. Good God, how old is the retired janitor?

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Two things:

1. High School is only four years of your life. Get the fuck over it, crappy writer, you've probably had infections that last longer than that.

2. There is no such thing as a "former" nerd.

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Ok Penlies, take deep calming breaths. Those men in white coats are not here to hurt you. They just want to help. The needle is a gateway to happy town and they are going to send you there! Good luck and get well soon.

As to the query, why the hell does everyone want the fucking cheerleaders anyway? In my high school they were mostly vapid sluts. Just answered my own question didn't I?

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Shelley, you were a cheerleader weren't you? Drill team?

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Two things Part Two:

1. I was a cheerleader and was not a vapid slut. Then again, that's probably why I was not on the Homecoming Court.

2. If the Former Nerd can promise me the same metabolism I had in high school, then I just might consider it. That, and the opportunity to try and get on the Homecoming Court...

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

He's just rowing the bitter boat because parachute pants, Members Only jackets, shoulder pads and big hair for men went out of style. Well, that and his vapid slut lost.

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Space Shark said...

I just hope there's a nerdy girl who had a crush on him and now she's a beautiful and intelligent succesfull advertising executive.

Oh and I hope the head cheerleader is still a real bitch.

 
At 12:37 PM, Blogger KevMont said...

I woul

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger KevMont said...

I wouldn't count on the cheerleeder being "Captain" material any more.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger BCPhil said...

Man I tell ya I just can't figure out what it is people have against putting action in movies now a days. There was a movie like this a long time ago with Tom Cruise in it I think but I can't remember.
Surprisingly I was thought of as somewhat of a nerd in High School. I remember one day when Mom was picking me up after we had our last Senior Chess Club meeting when these guys outside, probably smoking drugs or something, really gave me the treatment, Mom too! She really let them have it and then told me that they would wind up probably in jail or selling fruit and then I could make fun of them and not to worry about it. Still I always held some resentment over that even though there wasn't really anything I could do. Derek, our Dungeon master got it a lot worse when they made him wear lip stick.

The idea of a nerd coming back and reliving high school where he is popular just isn't cool. I like your idea of time travel in the present but I am not feeling any action or anything propelling in this.
Here is what I would do to make this average query Xtreme!

Screen gets dark and movie preview starts.....
Imagine a world where schools are battle zones and getting and education is learning to kill with sweet weapons. Imagine a world where an A or a D might mean "A"ss kicker or "D"eath.
After being crippled in a senior "exam" a student is kicked out of high school. He failed his senior battle test and is now confined to a wheel chair.
He befriends and old man who likes to tinker with sweet mechanical contraptions and makes him a pair of mechanical legs to walk again. He decides to return to his futuristic school just in time for prom. Prom in the future is an event marked by the men of the school fighting to the death so only half are left. Then those half choose the women the want to be with and marry.
As Prom starts and the two groups face off a familiar strange comes in the door loaded with weapons and the ability to cast mysterious magical spells.
"It's him!" one of the tormentors yells!
"Gentleman," says the kid who was crippled by there viscous attack, "It time to dance, and in your case it will be BREAK DANCING"
The sound of machine guns firing is the last thing you hear as the preview for this movie goes black.

Now that's a movie I would see!
Feel free to use these ideas and good luck!

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger Yowza wowza said...

Okay, so let's assume everyone gets 1 million for reliving their senior year.

Senior class of 500 - $500 million
Administrative staff of 100 - $100 million
Teachers and coaches of 50 - $50 million
95 year old janitor, nursing staff, personal physician and orderly to wheel him around - $5 million
Cafeteria food and lunchladies - $20 million
Sports teams and cheerleaders from other schools - $250 million
Bus drivers, ancilary personnel - $75 million

Bankrupting the nerd who can't move past high school - priceless

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Joatmoaf said...

Action movie with no plot...

Alien Vs. Predator. I loved it and could watch it every day.

Not being the nerdy kind I can relate to the Predator wanting to run Amok occasionally.

It clears up the sinuses.

As to the Query, it`s been done in about 10 movies and countless sit-coms.
Married With Children did 2 with the same (kinda/sorta) plot.
Casper Van Diem was Kelly's nerd.
At Peg's reunion, she was just brutal to the nerds.
I loved 'em both.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

BCPhil, I was going to say that Chuck Norris could be the hero here, too, but there's no way he would get all crippled in the first place. I like the grading system.

I hope your mom kicked ass that day.

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Penlies asks

"why can't I go see a movie that is visually engaging with no plot or event?"

Well there is Koyanisquatski, and
Powaqqatsi, (the follow up of Koyanisquatski), and almost any IMAX film. (The new one MAGNIFICENT DESOLATION pretty much falls into this category.)

Then again "visually engaging with no plot" is also a pretty good description of every porno movie ever made... or anything with Paris Hilton in it, (not that those two groups are mutually exclusive).

What, you think people watch BAYWATCH for the plot?


"I hate people"

That's ok. We hate you too.

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

As a "recovering nerd" (NOT former) I have to think that this whole "returning grown ups to High School" thing was developed by the Nazis as part of a fiendish way to make captured Allied Pilots talk.

"Tell us about zee Norden Bomsight"

"No! Never!"

"Vell in that case I will be forced to send you back to your High School. You vill re-live your entire High School experience! Ze same classes, ze same seating arrangements, ze same sports teams, and even ze cafeteria food is the same as it once was!"

"The first thing you need to know about the Nordien Bomb sight is that it uses refactive optics to compensate for the movement of the aircraft..."

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

This is sad. I have a feeling that this query writer is a former (?) nerd and this is his ultimate fantasy. He's looking to The Empress for the billion dollars and this is where the sad part comes in: He won't be getting it. I'm sure the very first thing he would have done was fixed his space bar.

It would be great if The Empress would simply give him the billion dollars, which I'm sure she has laying around somewhere in the form of investors who are dying to see this made into a documentary. His old high school could be turned into a compound like the Big Brother house and they would all have to stay there for the whole three months in order to receive their loot.

This is what ten years would have done to the participants:

Former Nerd: Still the same, only with a floating muffin top around the middle. And a broken space bar on his mother's old electric typewriter.

Cheerleader: Crack whore prostitute who works out of the 7-11 parking lot, across the street from the high school, and wears sports-themed Garanimal clothes, five sizes too small.

Teachers, principal, coaches (except one), and retired janitor: Sadly, all killed in a boiler accident, but participating in their respective boxes after exhumation.

Surviving coach: Now a woman named Arlene.

Sports team: Should be forced to squeeze their enormous man-guts into the same uniforms for a comedic effect.

And the cheerleader still won't sleep with the nerd.

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger penlies said...

Brilliant Lare. Remind me to never ask you a rhetorical question. Porno’s do have plots, they just suck…ba dump bump. T&A is entertaining and stimulating not engaging. A thesaurus is built into Microsoft Word. Red Staters are not “people” they are accomplices.

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

Hold up just a minute, if this guy is 28, it means that he was at school in the nineties. Now I know for a fact that there were girls at my school who at the age of 14 were scoping out prospective boyfriends / husbands who could keep them in the style their parents had spoilt them with.

Plus these girls would have been talking to their mothers at this age, and they would have been listening to their valium / prozac / drug du jour-fuelled rants about their fathers...."he used to be the QQuarterback...now look at him...works all the hours...never touches me....all I want is an acknowledgement that he exists and the occasional erection...trust me on this...NEVER MARRY THE JOCK!!"

I'm prety certain that the nerdy ones copped the best birds, because they acted the most surprised when it happened.

Or is this my fantasy, Taffy?

 
At 3:44 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday.
Once again, I've no date.
'Cause even though I'm billionaire,
I'm socially degenerate.

I say, "Boy, I sure wish I were back in school,"
I'm not really sure why that is.
Come to think of it, that gives me an idea,
But first I must go take a whiz.

La, la-la, dee-dee da,
La la, dee-dee da, and flush.

Go back to school, you're the 'puter nerd.
Go back to school today.
Well, all of your classmates are waiting there
'Cause you've gone and had them all paid.

Now John in history's a friend of mine.
He lets me cheat off him for free.
But if I didn't pay a thousand dollars a day,
There's someplace that he'd rather be.

He says, "Bill, I believe that you've finally cracked,"
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, this scheme you've set up here is just plain nuts,
With your whole senior class in this place."

Oh, la, la-la, dee-dee da,
La la, no, I can't hear you.

Now Paul is a retired janitor
Who never had time for a life
And he's talking to Kim, who teaches me Gym,
And probably has her own wife.

And the math teacher's writing stuff on the board,
As the students sit quietly stoned.
Yes, it's just like I'm in my old high school.
Except not just the jocks are full-grown.

Give us our checks, mister 'puter nerd.
Give us our checks right now.
Well, we're only here 'cause you're payin' us,
But what is the point anyhow?

It's a pretty good day for a Monday,
And the cheerleaders give me a smile
'Cause they know well that they receive double the pay,
And I'm heavily in denial.

And the school bell sounds like a carnival,
Though it rings subtly insincere.
And they sit on their asses in reruns of classes,
Sayin', "Man, what are we doin' here?"

Oh, la, la-la, dee-dee da,
La la, dee-dee da, da-dum.

You're freaking nuts, you computer nerd,
You're totally frickin' insane.
If you didn't keep givin' us tons of cash
We'd call someone to take you away.

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Well, Dog, I was well out of high school by the 90s, but some things never change. Let's tactfully say the jock invited a girl over for a nice dinner of pork loin. His approach would be to assume that his pork loin was a tremendous gift to this girl and he would simply slap it on a Chinette platter, proclaim it to be the biggest pork loin around, and give it to her raw in the back seat of his mother's SUV for her to "marvel over" for a good 45 seconds or so.

Now, let's say the nerd timidly invited this same girl over for a nice dinner of pork loin. The nerd would not assume anything, except that he doesn't know anything about nice dinners of pork loin. He might use his book smarts to find out more about nice dinners of pork loin--how to prepare it, the best way to serve it to his guest, for example. He might even ask her how she likes her pork loin. The girl in this scenario can rest assured that this pork loin will be served on his mother's best china platter--probably on a bed of greens with vegetables all around it. Silverware will also be utilized. And he might even let her finish eating. All because he thinks he's the lucky one.

(Unless he's one of those nerds who is utterly afraid of girls. Then he'd keep the pork loin in a hole he dug out back and only take it out when Xena's not on.)

 
At 5:40 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Well Taffy, you have some good points, but I have to go with Security Dog on this one.

See, the lovely (marathon runner) wife was once trying to fix up an UNrecovering nerd friend of mine with one of her friends. Well you need to know two things about my nerd buddy. First, he's almost 40 and STILL can't do more than 4 push ups. Second he has been retired for about a decade because he sold all his stocks BEFORE the tech bubble went POP, and had over a half a million in the bank back in 2000. He's also one of only two folks I know that MADE money in the market in 2001, and he's involved in various natural gas related ventures right now... when he's not playing Dungeons and Dragons that is. Frugal he is, poor he ain't.

Well when the wife was describing him to her girlfriend she said (and I quote) "He has that Bill Gates-ish kind of charm."

One suspects it's less about the size of the pork loin than it is about the size of the tip.

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Actually, Lars, I was agreeing with Security Dog. I just went on a little tangent about his last line. I was also referring to the nerd hasn't made all his money yet. Money is a whole other issue.

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Penlies,

NEVER ask me a rhetorical question.

Chances are I actually know the answer. Heck I took Donna Barnett to see Koyanisquatski back when I was in college. Just because someone understands economics and history doesn't mean they can't understand art and film too.

(BTW Is it extra humiliating when you get out witted by "a red stater", or is it more like the regular sort of humiliation that you have become oh so horribly accustomed to? )

ba dump bump

Seriously, if you are into visually engaging film MAGNIFICENT DESOLATION had a lot to be said for it. Let me explain.

Perhaps the biggest problem the Apollo Moonwalkers had was judging distance. On Earth we have trees, houses, grass, bushes, cows, all sorts of things to give us visual cues regarding size, and thus distance. There are none of those things on the Moon. Sure there are rocks, but the rocks can be close and the size of a car, or far away and the size of a skyscraper. You just can't tell.

The fact that the horizon isn't quite the same (Moon much smaller than Earth, hence horizon closer, basic geometry) doesn't help. Neither does the fact everything is grey and there is no atmosphere to hold dust or diffuse the light. The landscape is both very familiar and very very alien at the same time.

Someday some lucky film maker is going to do some REALLY interesting work with those visuals.

In any case judging distance gets REAL tricky on the Moon. You can literally be standing on the edge of a crater several MILES deep and not be aware of it. This happened to (IIRC) the Apollo 15 crew, who (judging by the video they sent back from the Lunar Rover) was much closer to the rim of a crater than they thought they were. Since this crater was several times deeper than the Grand Canyon, and could swallow the Statue of Liberty whole, falling in would have been (excuse my use of a techical term) a "bad thing". Houston had to ping them and get them to back off from the edge.

They cover this in the film. It takes you a second to grok the true SIZE of the thing, but once you do... your reaction is simply "WOW".

Which leads us back to Taffy's pork loin analogy, but I'm not going to go there.

 
At 12:00 AM, Blogger crazed_writer said...

How does one secretly arrange for an entire class of people to relive their high school days?

You'd have to have some pretty stupid classmates to pull that one off, or some pretty intense drugs.

 
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Lare, quit tooting your own horn, your stinking up the place. Stick to finance my friend.

 
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At 6:01 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Larry and Penlies, down! Behave children or mommy will take the pork loin away. Then who would keep the anal warts company?

Was anyone else just a touch disturbed by BC Phil's addition? I think we might hear about him on the news.

 
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