Thursday, September 15, 2005

Don't send me excerpts of your novels, pendejo.

I thought you'd like this. This is really good.


“Don’t be stupid foo’. Don’t be a pendejo.”

He looked at his homie's grip on his jacket. Most of his boys called him “Playboy” because all the ladies loved him, but those that had known him since he was a kid called him his real name.

He took another hit off his joint. He’d given up smoking over a year ago, had to, but on this day he was more nervous that he had ever been in his life. Thunder rumbled and rain poured, making it impossible to see. Thunder scared Playboy, always had. He fought to keep from shaking. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t swallow. He tried to hide his fear. His mind was set. He had to do it. He yanked his arm away from his homie, and pushed the door open.

“Just keep the car runnin’, ese.”

The homie was a big guy, tattoos up and down his arm and a glass eye. He normally would have just kept Playboy from leaving at all, but he knew nothing could stop him. Nothing at all. He jumped out the car. It was a ‘57 Chevy, slick red, with a chili-pepper-hot Mexican heina painted across the hood. He had painted that picture himself. Complete with chrome wheels.

He slammed the door shut and looked up at the Cathedral in front of him. Lightning illuminated its majestic towers, windows with an eerie stained glass. He’d spent many a night imagining this would be where he’d marry her. They’d have a huge wedding with members of their families flying in from all over the world just to watch this event; this marriage he thought was so destined to be. He’d put his everything into this dream, his one and only dream, and now as he yanked the heavy Oak doors open, his heart pounded like a subwoofer.

He dried his soaked clothes with his hand and scratched his shoes on the mat so as not to squeak across the old wood floor. The church was jam-packed, mostly with Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, but some blacks.

Probably his familia, he thought. How could she even think about marrying some pinche negro?

The grand organ music permeated the building while a choir of children sang, their voices echoing throughout the church. It smelled musty in the air, a mix of wood stain and must as if they never really cleaned the place, just painted over it.

He tried not to be too suspicious, slipping past every one. Funny, he was dressed probably better than he’d ever been. Black suit, his wavy black hair slicked back, starched white shirt, polished black shoes.

He had grown into a very nice looking young man. Maybe even could have been a model, had he played his cards right. Maybe if he hadn’t grown up in the slums of Northeast Vegas, he could have been one of those Latin heartthrobs that were in those magazines. Instead, most of the time he looked like the thug most people assumed he was just by looking at him.

But on this day, this very weird day, he was even wearing a tie. She would have been so proud of him if she could see him. Funny, he’d probably be the last thing she’d see.

He checked his jacket pocket to make sure it was still there. Yep, it felt like a brick pressed against his chest. But he was so numb, or more like so focused, that he was oblivious to it. All he knew was that he had to find her, and he would use any means necessary.

Wham! He bumped hard into a glass table. His thigh throbbed in pain as bullets dropped from his pocket and bounced off the tile floor. The sound echoed all over the lobby. People looked around for the source of the sound, but he managed to scoop them up before anyone could see.

He got up and noticed the beautiful ice sculpture on the table--melting, dripping like an ice cream cone in August. Melting just like his heart.

He saw his priest, the one he’d grown up with. It was as if the whole world had turned against him. They’d sided with her, when this was supposed to be their wedding. It was as if she’d slapped him across the face, as if nothing they’d been through together even mattered. The whole thing was surreal.

She loved him. She’d said that over and over to him since they were little kids. She’d taken care of him and believed in him and dreamed with him and held him when nobody else could give a care.

“Estoy aquí para ti. No matter what -- Siempre,” they’d promised each other. And a promise was a promise.

"Don’t be stupid, Foo’. Don’t be a pendejo.” His brother’s scolding remarks kept playing in his head. He warned Playboy to just let it go. It wasn’t worth it. Normally his homie waiting back in the car would have been all for it, but this time around he said to “olvídalo…let it go.” It was as if he sensed something was going to go wrong and, no matter how high he had been, his gut was always right.

158 Comments:

At 10:51 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

The homie? How long has this guy been writing this POS? Since '95?

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger BlackCapricorn said...

Apparently nothing can stop this query writer from submitting this. Nothing at all.

I love this day and age where your heart can "pund like a subwoofer"

Apparently I need to stay away from northeast vegas if someone is coming to shoot up a wedding and has the bullets in his pocket and not his gun.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

" Most of his boys called him 'Playboy' because all the ladies loved him (FINALLY, A NAMED CHARACTER), but those that had known him since he was a kid called him his real name (WHICH IS . . . WHAT? FAKEOUT! NO CHARACTER NAMES)."

I was going to call this "The Graduate II" but I'm guessing this guy didn't graduate.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Pendejo = asshole.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

I can't believe this person would consider himself to be a writer.

I think this is my favorite sentence, but I haven't decided:

Most of the time he looked like the thug most people assumed he was just by looking at him.

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger stacysom said...

What??: "He dried his soaked clothes with his hand and scratched his shoes on the mat so as not to squeak across the old wood floor" -- That's some magic hand. And scratching on the mat is better than squeaking on the floor?

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Por favor, cease you crappy gringo writerito.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

foo'

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger dodgeperry said...

Blackcapricorn stole my favorite line! But, "Melting just like his heart" is my second favorite.

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

"He checked his jacket pocket to make sure it was still there. Yep, it felt like a brick pressed against his chest. But he was so numb, or more like so focused, that he was oblivious to it."

A gun feels like an oblivious brick???? That's the stupidest metaphor I've ever read!

blackcapricorn - LOL, you'd think he would have been smart enough to put the bullets in his gun first. Imagine this scene:

GUY: *pulls out gun and bullets and starts to load weapon*

PEOPLE SITTING NEAR HIM: *hear him loading gun, turn around, then run away screaming when they see what he's up to, causing everyone else to scream and run away as well*

GUY: Curses! Foiled again!

 
At 11:43 AM, Blogger pynlies said...

"They’d have a huge wedding with members of their families flying in from all over the world just to watch this event"

I didn't know Tijuana was considered all over the world. I also didn't know sneaking across a hot desert was called "flying in". I'm only a pinche culedo gringo so what do I know?

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger kojled said...

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At 11:53 AM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

"People looked around for the source of the sound, but he managed to scoop them up before anyone could see."

Another gem! He scooped the people up rather than the bullets. As stacysom said, that's some magic hand!

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger boredinchicago said...

you are all just ASSUMING its a gun in his pocket. i think by "bullets" he means condoms and by "brick" he means his pocket rocket.

 
At 12:07 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

Oh, crap. Now I have visions of "Playboy" going "skeet skeet skeet" all over the church like Dave Chappelle.

I think I need to go bleach my brain now.

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I have Google ads for luxurious curly hair, which means Google knew ahead of time that pendejo literally means "pubic hair."

When I think about it I guess they would, since I Googled "pendejo" to find out what it meant.

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

"It was a ‘57 Chevy, slick red, with a chili-pepper-hot Mexican HEINA painted across the hood. He had painted that picture himself. Complete with chrome wheels."

What's a "heina?"
I ran it through Dictionary.com and the translator, and the word doesn't exist. The dictionary asked if I meant "Heinie, i.e. buttocks" and thought, "Maybe?"

And did he paint the picture complete with chrome wheels?

A heinie with chrome wheels just reeks of BUMPERNUTS!!!

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

A heina is a woman, usually girfriend (courtesy of urbandictionary.com).

And what woman wouldn't want to be seen in a car like that? Classy!

No wonder she left him.

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

LOL - I just realized something. Look at the sentence structure - “He had painted that picture himself. Complete with chrome wheels.” So he painted a woman with chrome wheels????

My coworker would also like to comment - “how can the reader/audience sympathize with a character named “Playboy” and plans to kill his girl on her wedding day? ugh. Now I’m mad at this story.”

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"Maybe even could have been a model, had he played his cards right."

Wait! You can become a model by playing cards correctly?!?!?!?

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

"I thought you'd like this. This is really good."

Case closed. My homie says it's good and he's got a big oblivious brick to prove it. (I hope it's not one of those gold bricks with a slice of lemon wrapped around it, because when he smashes out her brain with it, it will only make her feel as if she's just had a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, and not as if she's just been killed.)


"Thunder rumbled and rain poured, making it impossible to see. Thunder scared Playboy, always had. He fought to keep from shaking. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t swallow. He tried to hide his fear."

And he's going into the church to do what exactly?


"It was a ‘57 Chevy, slick red, with a chili-pepper-hot Mexican heina painted across the hood. He had painted that picture himself. Complete with chrome wheels."

Very difficult to describe to the cops.


" All he knew was that he had to find her, and he would use any means necessary."

Hint: Try the front of the church, near the altar. And look out for the glass table (glass table?).

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I just assumed he misspelled "hyena" and became really confused as to how a hyena could be hot and/or Mexican.

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

The band Sublime had a song called "Santeria" with the lyrics:

"If I could find that heina and that sancho that she'd found
Well I'd pop a cap in sancho and I'd slap her down"

Maybe the query writer was listening to Sublime when he wrote this.

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Taffy: I was confused by the glass table's presence in a church as well. I was even more confused by the ice sculpture. Maybe it's a combination wedding & reception. They'll honeymoon on the altar, I guess.

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

Not if "Playboy" takes them out first with his "oblivious brick"-like gun.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Only one word could describe it....DIGNITY.

 
At 1:23 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

I was confused by the stupido foo' not seeing a fricking table with an ice sculpture on it...in the "lobby" of the church no less.

So, Playboy is an angry, troubled loser on the rebound? That means he's single, right? DIBS!!!

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger sharpie said...

I have always thought it would be funny if there was a movie where the lead character gets killed in the first three minutes. Then for the next five minutes they roll the closing credits while people decide if they should leave or not. Maybe this is the story for the job! The movie would continue after the credits, but maybe not in this case.

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

I'm guessing the screenplay, as it stands right now, is over twenty-seven thousand pages long.

"Funny, he’d probably be the last thing she’d see."

Hilarious.

Her last words

"Oh baby, you look so good...like Antonio Banderas...why you kill me, 'foo?"

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger katiescarlet said...

If they were going to spend the money on a ice scuplture, don't you think that they would turn the air conditioner on so it wouldn't melt?

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Actually, Tenpenny Nail, read that sentence again: "He checked his jacket pocket to make sure it was still there."

See, he was worried that his jacket pocket was gone, but fortunately no one had stolen it. Jacket pockets are a hot item on the streets of northeast Vegas. But those wankers in southwest Vegas are more into shirt collars.

 
At 3:13 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

If you change "homie" to "homo," the story becomes at least slightly interesting. But only slightly.

BTW: All Catholic church "lobbies" have glass tables and ice sculptures. That's where we keep the beer.

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger Carter said...

boredinchicago: i think by "bullets" he means condoms and by "brick" he means his pocket rocket.

Yet it's "pressed against his chest". He's a better man than I, Gunga Din. Makes me wonder why she left. Sure, they say size isn't everything...

My pocket rocket tends to be oblivious sometimes and feel like a brick sometimes, though never at the same time. An interesting fellow, to be sure.

 
At 6:23 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

Mustang Sally - Thanks, I missed that one! I think I've got it straight now - if the "scooping up sentence" referred to the correct subject, it would still be wrong, because he'd be scooping up his jacket pocket. Damn it! I'm even more confused now.

It would probably take hours to find everything wrong with this query. The grammatical errors alone will take awhile to catalog (read: make fun of). Sweet! This is query letters gold!

 
At 7:23 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

It's just too bad it'snot a query letter.

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

Yes, I wonder how exactly this person envisioned getting this made into a movie?

 
At 7:44 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

tenpenny nail - of course he envisioned this made into a movie. he's even written the soundtrack, slept with the lead actress and probably has done the SFX too. well, after he got his hand out of his pants.

 
At 2:03 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

Foo, no matter how high you are, your gut is always right. Words to live by, homies.

 
At 3:41 AM, Blogger haz_bear01 said...

I just assumed he misspelled "hyena" and became really confused as to how a hyena could be hot and/or Mexican

I just read it as Hyena - didn't even notice the spelling - and got this image of a Wile E. Coyote type character but with chrome wheels. This must have happened in a Road Runner cartoon at some point...

Then I re-read it and thought "Ah no, it says he had painted it himself. Complete with chrome wheels." HE is the one with chrome wheels. Put him in a wheel chair and the whole thing becomes a lot more interesting.

 
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At 8:20 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

wow. that's long. i didn't read it because it was lacking pictures and/or pron keywords but i'll bet it really sucks.

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger VP19 said...

I have a feeling this is something Quentin Tarantino would've come up with if he had been assigned to direct the legendary, now lost, eight-hour version of Erich von Stroheim's silent classic "Greed." (If Tarantino had let himself deteriorate into a drug-crazed sensibility, that is.)

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger charoop said...

i work too much, evidently... i just got to this. Taffy, i was going to post the HHGTTG reference, but you got there first! i could use a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster right about now.

 
At 12:15 AM, Blogger charoop said...

and, on that note, Babel Fish has 'pendejo' as 'asshole'. i'm sure y'all knew that by now, though.

 
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Perhaps it's time to rethink literacy programs in the U.S.

 
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