Friday, August 26, 2005

I really hope they are lesbians.

"My main character is in the business of murder...and she's very good! She's a female mercenary who unwittingly does work for an extremist group called The Committee. When she loses her estranged sister to a mysterious affliction, her personal and professional worlds collide, resulting in her last-second decision to spare the life of her next target - a powerful senator's nanny. The nanny presents a threat to the secrecy of the Committee having inadvertently overheard incriminating evidence that her boss, a US Senator, is involved in the Committee's domestic terrorist activities. Emotionally off-balance by the nanny's resemblance to her sister, the assassin puts herself in harms way and must rely on her skills to keep the nanny safe.

Forced into hiding, the once cold-blooded killer and the innocent nanny are at odds with each other until they realize the stark similarities in their lives (i.e. painful childhoods).
However, the assassin's struggle with guilt over her sister's death compels her to remain emotionally detached from the nanny until she learns of the Senator's perverse habit of using date drugs to rape his employees. While in hiding the nanny is attacked by bikers, unleashing the assassin's fury. She nearly kills the men except the nanny has seen enough bloodshed and begs the assassin to spare the man's life. She learns an important lesson from the nanny: that ALL life is sacred and she vows to protect her prisoner at all costs. From watching the nanny, our heroine begins to understand that there is more control and strength in allowing one's self to 'feel' and be vulnerable than there is in trying to be invincible.

The two soon uncover the hard truth about the Committee: they have plans to put a sleeper in the White House! Now they must try to put an end to the Committees treasonous dealings. However, the band of deadly killers hasn't given up their chase. In the end, the assassin must confront a former ally and her most formidable opponent to save the nanny's life."

231 Comments:

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At 3:13 PM, Blogger John A. Seafisk said...

"they have plans to put a sleeper in the White House!"

What, like a cot or an inflatable bed?

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger Necessary Evil said...

Thank you, ddassoc and cowboy99; I love your comments.

Can we get more automated spam posts like yours? That'd really improve the comments section in this blog.

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Wasn't having sleepers in the White House what got Clinton in so much trouble?

"From watching the nanny, our heroine begins to understand that there is more control and strength in allowing one's self to 'feel' and be vulnerable than there is in trying to be invincible."

Yes, that is Army boot camp is so well known for being ridiculiously easy and unchallenging.

"All right maggot! I want you to let yourself be vulerable and all touchy feely! Then you're going to run 8 miles to the watertower and give me 100 push ups! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME??"

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

"there is more control and strength in allowing one's self to 'feel' and be vulnerable than there is in trying to be invincible."

You will never make it in Hollywood. I gave up messy feelings and emotions in 94 and I'm just fine.

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

They can't put Ronald Reagan back in the White House. He's had his two terms, and besides, he's dead.

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

"She's a female mercenary who unwittingly does work..."

Don't mercenary's get paid for their work? It's why they are mercenary, right?

"she loses her estranged sister to a mysterious affliction..."

Penlies Syndrome strikes again.

"Emotionally off-balance by the nanny's resemblance to her sister, the assassin..."

Like assasin's are normally psychological and moral stable tables, of course.

"...Forced into hiding, the once cold-blooded killer and the innocent nanny are at odds with each other..."

Nanny - You know, it's wrong that you kill people in cold-blood for ccash.

Mercenary - Shuddup, bitch.

Nanny - Don't you take that tone of voice with me, missy, or you can go to your room.

Deary me.

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

a powerful Senator's nanny...the nanny has seen enough bloodshed and begs the assassin to spare the man's life

If the nanny's that powerful, I wouldn't think she would balk at a little bloodshed here and there. I mean, Mary Poppins wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Wow!

Let me say something both generic and moronic, while trying to sound like I'm not an automatic spambot.

Then I'll tell you to go visit my blog Time Traveling Hitler Assasins. It pretty much covers traveling through time to kill Hitler and related stuff.

If you love traveling through time in failed attempts to kill 20th Century European dictators, you'll love it!

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger charoop said...

is there a social theme that has NOT been incorporated into this drivel?

and what the hell is with the bikers? (or is it biker? got a little bit of a grammatical disagreement, there, cookie.)

F

 
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At 9:30 PM, Blogger Kerry said...

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At 9:32 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Charoop – They’ve said it before and will say it again.


WALDORF
Whata think of it?

STATLER
I’ve seen detergent leave a better film than this.

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

ddassoc said...
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The spammer seem to be writting about as good as the query writers. You blog is great If you have a health issue .
Its called a period jackass.

 
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At 11:11 PM, Blogger Gidget Bananas said...

Actually, I would visit a blog called Time Traveling Hitler Assasins, especially if it included thoughts about cat furniture.

 
At 4:02 AM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Were getting Nanny ads now!

Bumpernuts! Bumpernuts! Bumpernuts!
Seven Windows Chick, where are you now we need you??

Bumpernuts! Bumpernuts! Bumpernuts!

 
At 4:22 AM, Blogger John Eje Thelin said...

What on earth is a "period jackass"?

Eat, my friends.
Eat my friends.

More than a minor difference. It's called a comma, smartass.

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Ohmygod, Anders is so, like, anti-comma and everthin, I soooo think he's an arsehole now an I only did him in the laundray AS A JOKE an didant like it one bit cause he's dating that slag who also hates commas and has a lazy eye she got from shagging her own bruvver, so shaa-up. An anyways, I would only maybe do Anders again AS A JOKE if he learned his commas from perfessor Thelin over at the University of Wotever, Who Gives a Shag?

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger The Gambino Crime Family said...

The Needy Assassin. Touching. Relating. Killing...

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

"...she learns of the Senator's perverse habit of using date drugs to rape his employees."

INTERN JONNY: "And I don't understand why I keep falling asleep on the job and waking up with a sore asshole!"

NANNY: "Well, I chipped a tooth during my nap and had to clean goo off the face of a teddy bear."

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

What on Earth is a "period jackass?"

You know there could be a good Dangerious Liasons joke in there, but I just can't quite get it.

Which is a real pitty. You just don't see any good Dangerious Liasons jokes these days.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

What on Earth is a "pitty"?

This is fun.

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger but_seriously said...

Sheesh, guys, I think we can forgive grammatical mistakes and typos in the posts. Most of us are at work, trying to read and post without being spotted.

Grammatical errors in the query letters are a different story. The writers are trying to convince others that (1) they are legitimate writers, and (2) someone should pay them lots of money for it.

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

"My main character is in the business of murder...and she's very good!"

Oh my God, everyone! The assasin is a girl! Think of it! How terribly clever...

"She's a female..."

There it is again! Ha!

I say cast Hank Azaria as the girl. Assasin! As the assasin.

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

"Forced into hiding, the once cold-blooded killer and the innocent nanny are at odds with each other until they realize the stark similarities in their lives (i.e. painful childhoods)."

Raise your hand if you haven't at one point in your life thought your childhood was painful. Once, my Nutty Buddy fell on the ground. I cry every time I hear the ice cream truck.

 
At 2:12 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

What on earth is an assasin?

C-

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

One of the benefits of date rape drugs is the boom in home extensions. Seems like everyone wants a cellar these days.

There has to be a cellar torture / intended rape scene. If yer gonna be generic...go the whole hog, baby.

FECK OFF!!

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger Charli said...

Tell me if the nanny is wearing a blue dress.

Charli

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

charli

YOU WIN!! :-D

Love it!

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger annumarie said...

So...the "cold blooded" killer begins to feel a little human after seeing this nanny who looks like her dead estranged sister...come on! We all know the sister has nothing to do with it, she just realized she wants a spanking. A serious spanking because she's been a naughty killer, a very naughty dirty killer.
In fact I almost want someone to spank the writer because obviously this is a cry for help. Quick someone! Spank the Writer!!!!

 
At 6:15 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Since the writer is probably a fuzzy-haired gentleman who is heavily involved in the art of macrame, I'll pass on spanking him. I'd probably miss and hit one of the ferrets, anyway.

Larry, I'd try to help you figure out a good Dahnjeruzz Liasons period joke, but it's beyond my control. I've tried everything I could thing of, but it's beyond my control. There are simply no Dangerous Liasons period jokes. Period. It's beyond my control.

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger James Goodman said...

Holy Crap! That's my query letter...just kidding. Nothing I write would ever be that interesting.

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger VP19 said...

a powerful Senator's nanny...the nanny has seen enough bloodshed and begs the assassin to spare the man's life

If the nanny's that powerful, I wouldn't think she would balk at a little bloodshed here and there. I mean, Mary Poppins wouldn't have batted an eyelash.

I don't know about you, but the phrase "powerful nanny" conjures up images of Fran Drescher in a Xena outfit...with Fran enlarged to six-foot-tall Lucy Lawless proportions (but still sounding like Fran!). And as SCTV's Count Floyd would say, that's scary, kiddies.

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

You know, if we follow the Empress's suggestion and make the chicks lesbians, this suddenly becomes a marketable movie. With the right casting, of course.

Obviously Angelina Jolie should play the assasin, but I couldn't think of anyone to play the nanny.

Then it hit me: Angelina Jolie. The blond, breathy Angelina Jolie of "Life or Something Like It."

That whole split-screen effect has been done to death for wholesome family fun (Hayley Mills, Patty Duke, et. al.), but no one has yet exploited the technology for soft porn purposes, and we all know there would be a huge market for that.

Come on...who would pass up the chance to see some hot Angelina on Angelina action? We have a guaranteed blockbuster here, and the DVD sales will top the charts for the next decade.

I am a friggin genius.

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Sally, that pushed me up a notch on the Kinsey homosexuality scale.

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger annumarie said...

Wait wait wait, if the lovely miss angelina is going to mirror scene the nanny and the assassin, she'd have to do the sister too. So three Angelina's? Maybe she should just be casted as everyone?

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

Xena: Powerful Nanny

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger but_seriously said...

Bargaintuan, you Photoshop and write song parodies? Is there any thing you can't do? You kick ass.

 
At 6:06 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Dangerous Liasions Period Joke #1:

Him: I'm dumping you. I'm going to marry a lovely young virgin who was raised in a convent.

Her: I understand she's just like a broken typewriter.

Him: How so?

Her: She missed a period.

Him: What's a typewriter?

Dangerous Liasions Joke #2:

Excited Little Australian Boy: We're going to the zoo today to see the Dangeroos!

(Believe it or not, that's how I remember how to spell "dangerous.")

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

date rape drugs...that's why i left my last job. i kept waking up with dicks in my mouth and i'd try to say...wtf? and they'd just say, "shut up and suck."

i tell you...after that happening about 30 times i had had enough.

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Chief Wannahockaloogy said...

Get off that damn computer and back to sucking.

LONG HARD ERECTIONS

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Looks like Chief Wannahock is sick and tired of seeing his query letters bashed on this blog.

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger Yowza wowza said...

What on earth is an assasin?

It's not assasin, it's Ass o' Sin, and in the case of Angelina, so true.

One, two, three-ee-ee Angelinas...

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Dangerous Liasions Period Joke #2:

Him: I'm dumping you. I'm going to marry a lovely young virgin who was raised in a convent.

Her: I understand she's just like a query writer.

Him: How so?

Her: She's missed a bunch of periods.

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Listen up, Chief Wannahockaloogey, take your pathetic tiny little pecker elsewhere, okay? The grownups are talking.

I must resist the cat furniture spam, if I click on it, they will be encouraged. Must resist, must resist...

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I hoped "cat furniture" was a coded reference to something strange and exciting.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger jaimilyn said...

don't bother clicking on the catfurniture page, it's just an unpopulated placeholder. I was hoping for a mix between a taxidermist site and bobby trendy's living room, but was sadly let down.

 
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So not furniture made from cats? Crap.

 
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