Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Going where no missionary has gone before!!

"Query - 'Adventures in Space'

'Can God survive in the vastness of Outer Space?'

A woman and her group of College kids attempt to spread the words of Jesus throughout the galaxy. Will they find romance and love aboard their huge Missionary Vessel? Will their young faith in God survive Alien encounters? My script is filled with unusual twists and turns. Anything that can happen will happen. That is the true nature of the Universe."

209 Comments:

At 10:31 AM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

Working Title: Missionary to Mars

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger Tenpenny_nail said...

How about Missionary Impossible?

-------

On a more juvenile note:

"Will they find romance and love aboard their huge Missionary Vessel?"

Snicker. That sentence is wrong on so many levels.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Captain Kirk: "Why does God need a spaceship?"

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

"Anything that can happen will happen."

This is impossible. When I walk across a street I can get hit by a car or I can make it across safely. Only one of the two can happen in a particular instance.

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Star Trek 69 - The Rapture of the Ecstasy of the Passion of the . . .

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger penlies said...

'Can God survive in the vastness of Outer Space?'

No he can't. It is much to vast for an omnipotent being.

"A woman and her group of College kids.."

Where did she get her own group of college kids? I'd settle for one college girl but an entire group!? Do you get them on E-bay?

 
At 11:07 AM, Blogger penlies said...

And another thing...
This crap just pisses me off! Why preach to aliens when their are tons of species here on earth that haven't accepted Jesus Christ as their lord and savior? Maybe they should focus a little closer to home. Once these guys can convert a dolphin to Christianity, I'm in.

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger Meg said...

So, missionaries can now no longer find humans to annoy and harass about their choice of Sunday activities and now must go to Space? I am all for blasting missinaries into space. Will they be able to ride their little bicycles?

I would further like to report that I am being spammed on my own damn blog. How do I prevent this again?

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Or is it a sign of a successful blog and should be taken as a compliment? So confused.

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

I was going to make a joke using the term "missionary position," but my Catholic upbringing just won't let me go that far. So I'm counting on one of you to make it happen.

God bless you.

 
At 11:38 AM, Blogger Fondue said...

Mooooorrmooooonnnss in Spaaaaaace!

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Fish Monkey said...

Didn't South Park do that already?

Hi. I'm new.

 
At 12:05 PM, Blogger jaimilyn said...

Who is that gracing the Pajiba ad now? Stoned Tara Reid?

On the subject of the query, since anything can happen, maybe they can convert some Sharkos!

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger sharpie said...

STUDENT: "No GarGloc, you position yourself here and stick that there!"

GARGLOC: "!@$$#@%^%! That is her brain and this is my siamese twin sister!"

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Meg,

You really should try to stop being spammed by your own blog. Spamming yourself may feel really good in the short run, but in the long run it will make you go blind, or grow hair in unnuatural places, or various other things like that.

 
At 12:45 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

"Can God survive in the vastness of Outer Space?"

Isn't that the point of being God.
God is everywhere?

Does the query writer think God has to hold her breath or something?

Somehow, I think if an alien female showed up here with a bunch of flunkies to convert me to "#)$(*ism" I probably would hand them a copy of my new cookbook "To Serve #)$(*" and see how long it takes them to figure it out while they're locked in the farming pens.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

penlies said...

"Where did she get her own group of college kids? I'd settle for one college girl but an entire group!? Do you get them on E-bay?"

I'd try the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, but from what I'm told it can be really expensive. E-Bay has rules against selling things like that.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Things are really going to get ugly in space once the Mormons realize the Christians are muscling in on their territory. And you thought East Coast/West Coast was bad...

Meg, you have a blog? Gosh, I was just going to suggest..... ;-))

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger jaimilyn said...

Erm, just because I like to nitpick, Mormons are Christians. Those pesky JWs though... :P

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Larry I said I was being spammed ON my blog, not BY my blog. I will try to keep it reined in, though. I know from bitter experience that cheap thrills do not pay. Well, not much anyway.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Yowza wowza said...

Captain Kirk: "Why does God need a spaceship?"

Captain Kirk: "Your Bible is wrong."

I thought the space alien religion was Scientology. Did I miss something?

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger penlies said...

Mustang Sally said... "I was going to make a joke using the term "missionary position," but my Catholic upbringing just won't let me go that far."

If it won't let you go even that far how are you supposed to have 10 children? Budding?

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

Meg,

Can you turn on Word Verification for your Blog? That should help cut the spam.

Cheap thrills may not pay, but the memories last forever...

Larry

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger jaimilyn said...

"Cheap thrills may not pay, but the memories last forever..."

Not to mention some of the STDs

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger penlies said...

"Cheap thrills may not pay, but the memories last forever..."

Cheap thrills are under rated. For starters they are cheap, who wants to pay a lot for anything. Second of all they are thrilling, that sounds better than boring. Who wants a memory to last forever anyway? I picked of a girl who was a duce plus once, I'd like that memory to fade PLEASE!

 
At 2:05 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Was she the one who gave you anal warts?

 
At 2:16 PM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

Join Matthew, Mark, John and Luke Skywalker as they boldly traverse the galaxy in the Starship Evangelize!

Anything that can happen will happen, thanks to their IDID (Intelligently Designed Improbability Drive)

Will they escape the morally corrupt Jehovah the Hutt and make it safely to the Promised Planet?

Stay tuned for... "Grace Cowboys"

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I left my car alone for just a few minutes in a parking lot today and when I came back, some truck with an alien set of truck nuts (not Bumper Nuts) had muscled up beside it! At first, I thought they were solid gold nuts, but the gold was flaking off so they just looked as if someone had dipped their nuts in melted gold.

I had to do some research, as I hadn't seen these particular nuts before. They're called Bulls Balls and the site boasts "more swing" and "slow theft" because they secure with a chain and lock. Instead of a hole at the top, these puppies have a tube for the chain to feed through. It has a painful look about it. I did check my tail pipe for any signs of traumatic entry and all was well. I will check back for anal warts later. I'll know who to point my finger at it I find any.

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger penlies said...

Be careful where you stick that finger lady.

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

This query was obviously written by a guy who has a stuffed animal web site. His collection is so vast that he has it subdivided and he played the entire script out using the "animals" under the subdivisions "Cabbage Patch Religious Matryrs," "Beanie Babies Gone Wild," "McDonald's Collectible Space Alien Sinners," and the infamous "Frankiln Mint Pioneer Days Missionary Vessel," which boasts of the ability to reproduce the very real vibratory effects of space travel. The whole movie can be filmed in his space-themed bedroom for 35 cents.

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

'Can God survive in the vastness of Outer Space?'

If his Missionary Vessel is as huge as he boasts it is.

(I've just been struck by lightning and am writing this part from hell. The only bad thing so far is that there's nothing to read except airport novelettes. And I've been assigned a job writing religious pamphlets.)

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

'Can God survive in the vastness of Outer Space?'
Umm, didn't like God create the universe and all the icky aliens? Like isn't he everywhere?

Again, with no fucking names.

Why are College and Missionary Vessel and Aliens and Universe capitalized like God and Jesus? Blasphemer! Blasphemer!

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

"Anything that can happen will happen. That is the true nature of the Universe."

True, but generally
very
very
very
s.l.o.w.l.y.......

It would be tragic if she found out all of the inhabitants of Beeblebrox 5 were Mormons

"Yes, Missionanry, we have four wives for each head..."

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

Missionanry - A sexual position favoured by baby-sitters.

Missionary.

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

All of s audden, Dave Bowman appears on the bridge and starts pimp slapping everyone, while his age fluctuates between shots.

 
At 4:44 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

That's some wishful thinking, Query Writer. Everyone knows that Tom Cruise has already spread the word of L. Ron Hubbard and Scientology throughout the galaxy. Too little, too late.

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Not for Religious Space Wars, Rocksteady.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

You know, in space, no one can hear you proselytize.

I say we cram all the missionaries we can on this spaceship. We'll call it the U.S.S.Golgafricham Ark B.

42 points to all who get the reference.

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Oops...I think that should read Golgafrinchan Ark B. It's been a long day...sorry.

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Mustang, I'd like to trade in my 42 points for one shiny pair of Bumpernuts, please!

 
At 8:30 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

And that was the 42nd comment. You get to wake everyone up who's on the ark and tell them they're almost there.

 
At 5:59 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Taffy, can we retrofit the Golgafrinchan Ark B with the Improbability Drive and stick Marvin on there to annoy, I mean serve them?

 
At 6:12 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Mustang said, "in space, no one can hear you proselytize."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's brilliant! And I love Security Dog's spelling of "favourite." Once again, a sucker for the accent...

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Bweaves, I'm almost certain Marvin will take it the wrong way. But that will only make it worse for the Space Pamphleteers, so yes.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Rock Steady, you can trade your 42 points in for the shiny gold Bumper Nuts I saw today on the way to work. They were knockoffs, like the ones Taffy saw...no vein, but nice heft and swing. I'd give them 7 points out of a possible 10.

 
At 8:35 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

"Anything that can happen will happen. That is the true nature of the Universe."

I think this statement opens this query up to an "Aristocrats" type treatment. For example:

During take off, the woman craps her pants from fear. While in 0 gravity, some of the crap floats out of her pants and around the missionary vessel, smearing all the controls, people, and pets (there is always a pet) with human feces....

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

This causes some of the weak stomached college students to vomit. Soon there are massive clouds of partially digested food floating around covering everything they touch with a slimy mess. Just imagine the smell...vomit with a slight mix of human feces....

 
At 9:03 AM, Blogger Meg said...

And then the Homicidal Space Monkey swings into action, flinging feces onto hapless Missionaries and shrieking maniacally....

 
At 9:10 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

"Assume the Missionary Position!"

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Two college kids (a male and female)listen to the monkey and do assume the missionary position, and start furiously banging away at each other. The woman, a little upset that her pant crapping was ultimately responsible for sinful pre-marital sex, starts spanking the male college student in an effort to get him to stop having sex. In her exertion, more feces escapes her pants. Additionally, the other college students mistake the spanking as joining in on the sex, and start splitting off into groups to begin a 0-gravity orgy in a spaceship full of floating human and ape feces. The woman, realizing her second mistake, grabs the monkey and starts to.....

 
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"grabs the monkey and starts to..."
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Actually, the spam totally works there, it's better than what I could come up with. We should ALL stop the issue with muscle treat. Whatever that is.

 
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by 'space' do you mean the milky galaxy or the whole universe?

i think god could get by in the galaxy but not the universe

next question

 
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