Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Didn't you read the article in EW that action movies are dead??

"Are you afraid?

This screenplay is based on my first novel, published in March 2005 and under a pen name. This is the suspenseful and thrilling story of an FBI agent's hunt for the terrorists responsible for brutally killing his family. As the agent aggressively pursues his investigation, there is the growing fear that a U.S. Senator may have aided the terrorists in attacks against Americans. He is propelled in his hunt, by continued terrorist attacks, which are called 'lessons' by the responsible terrorist, known only as 'The Teacher.'

The story is unique in the sense that the theme is very timely and it further provides insight into the recruitment of terrorists. Various settings, such as Las Vegas and Washington, DC, are effectively utilized to not only maintain the fast pace of the story, but also to increase visual appeal. This is not the standard action thriller. This script has a hero, who relies not only on his physical skills and abilities, but also on his mind."

312 Comments:

At 10:41 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

I wish someone would teach this query writer a 'lesson.'

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Yowza wowza said...

Let me guess, no one bought the book either.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger max power said...

So glad Tom Clancy has started posting on this site. I was starting to fear that he was dead.

Also, I love it when query writers inform us that their idea is "timely". Informing us that this idea is "new" does not make the idea new or interesting.

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger dodgeperry said...

"...who relies not only on his physical skills and abilities, but also on his mind".

He's got mind powers, like Kreskin or that guy that bends spoons. Or Kim Richards.

You have to admit, that is relatively unique for a rip-off of 24.

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger dodgeperry said...

These two paragraphs contain 11 commas. If this guy wrote an entire novel, one could only guess how many he used.

The comma- a precious natural resource. Use it sparingly. Recycle often.

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Why does this query begin "Are you afraid?"

Empress: I recently published my first novel called "The DaVinci Code" under a pen name. I think the story is very timely. Are you interested?

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger TN_Dreamer said...

"This screenplay is based on my first novel, published in March 2005 and under a pen name. "

Who wants to bet this was POD or SP?

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Terrorist recruiting in Vegas:

Terrorist: Psst!
Old Lady at Slot Machine with Large Plastic Cup of Quarters: Huh?

Terrorist: Would you like to come over to Al Qaeda?

Old Lady: How's the buffet there?

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Whew! Thank goodness this isn’t aother standard action thriller. I wouldn’t want to see car chases, explosions or gun fire. That would be just too boring. And “holy crap!!” The script has a hero. Now I know where I’ve made my mistakes with the scripts I have written.

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger Jon said...

good post... thanks.

Jon
My site: academically gifted children

 
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At 11:30 AM, Blogger hoover said...

he knew he couldn't publish under his real name "David Cantwriteforshit" but he didn't know how his name would follow him no matter what he chose to call himself.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger penlies said...

MacGyver takes on terrorism with a toothpick, nailfile and can of spam.

 
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At 11:35 AM, Blogger penlies said...

Before Meg jumps down my throat (yummy) nail file is in fact two separate words. I apologize for any confusion I might have caused.

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger paulhurst said...

The 'real' names of the bloggers;)
Mumbai Building Collapses. News Updates, Pictures... Hrithik replaces Aamir, Shahrukh sans Sense of Music & more... Munching Delicious Prawns on Bondi Beach Movie Matinee by Barbara Mather Premium properties in ...
Bookmarked, nice to see some decent content for a change. FYI have you seen this we've got a new feature, the 'Flag blog' button, which is inconveniently located between the 'Get Your Own Blog' and 'Next Blog' buttons so that we would presumably be getting some flags on error alone (although if one happens to notice it, you can unflag a blog). I don't know about this, what one person finds offensive is anothers cup of tea? Just my 2 cents, Daily Horoscopes .

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

Sounds like Las Vegas was used only "'cause dem laghts er purty".

Ahmad wears his turban like a crown.
He goes to Las Vegas
'Cause he likes the lights
And he blows up all the casinos in town.

Ahmad, Ahmad hates our freedom.
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Spends his days prayin'
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He makes his way to Washington, DC,
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And a plan's begun.
Their mayhem will be seen on TV.

And he shall be Ahmad,
And he shall drive a big van.
And he shall be Ahmad,
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And he shall be Ahmad,
And he shall drive a big van
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Steve-o votes for legislation in town.
His poll numbers thrive.
Ahmad blows up buildings all day,
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And Ahmad, he blows himself to Venus,
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But forty virgins aren't waiting
And Ahmad, Ahmad slowly fries.

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I bet the Teacher does some of his best Vegas "recruiting" in Cheetas.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

And yes, I am afraid.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Bargaintuan, once again, you have made me spit Diet Coke all over my keyboard. Either I need to stop reading your EJ tributes, or you need to buy me a waterproof cover for my keyboard.

I was going to say "Keyboard condom" but I was afraid of the pop-up ads that would produce.

Aw, what the hell. Keyboard condoms.

Manager Guy, wherever you are, this one's for you.

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Storm said...

'The Teacher'??? Really? What the hell is that about?

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

I'm really bummed about Manager Guy.

It makes me so sad.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Me too, Bweaves. I really can't believe that Manager Guy is gone, but people like O.J. Simpson go on and on and on.

I guess "42" really is as close as we ever get to understanding life, death, and the meaning of everything.

Sigh.

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

"This is not the standard action thriller. This script has a hero, who relies not only on his physical skills and abilities, but also on his mind."

Just like any standard action thriller.

I will now tip the parting glass for Manager Guy...

 
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At 2:12 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

"He is propelled in his hunt, by continued terrorist attacks, which are called 'lessons' by the responsible terrorist, known only as 'The Teacher.'"

Thank god we finally have a responsible terrorist. They're usually so irresponsible.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Fret not, boredinchicago, Pajiba is still here and it still doesn't rhyme with vagina no matter how drunk you are. Just click on Courtney's Love Hole to gain easy entry.

My, that round pillow would look comfortable if I didn't have a somewhat human-shaped neck.

 
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At 3:35 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"...which are called 'lessons' by the responsible terrorist, known only as 'The Teacher."

And who doesn't appreciate a "responsible" terrorist?

So, if like the head terrorist is out sick, do we get "The Substitute Teacher"?

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Dude, unless you're a terrorist, how can you provide further insight into terrorism training and thought processes. That is just so arrogant to assume that just cause you have a computer, you can have "insight." George Carling once called a nickel bag, "overview." I'm guessing "insight" is just a cover for blatant stupidity!

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Oh yeah, and that's George Carlin to you.

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger classymac said...

"This is not the standard action thriller."

Ladies, how many times have we heard this?



RIP, Manager Guy.
Hang in there Empress

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

I'm sad about ManagerGuy.

(Also, he appears to have looked like Andy Dick. There should be some kind of heavenly justice that keeps people from publishing obituary pictures that make you look like Andy Dick.)

Empress, you have done a fine job of carrying on.

 
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I didn't think Manager Guy looked like him and I'm not just saying that because I want to avoid being struck down by lightning like Sidhe.

Once, Andy Dick performed acupuncture on me while wearing a long red wig. That's what's wrong with me, by the way.

 
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Yeah, thanks for the threat, Earl. We'll all look forward to hearing from you. I'm having a little shindig later and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind hosting? It's just that I'd like to get the orange Jell-O orgy part of it out of the way before the cake and a little speech on "home water filtration systems" would be just the trick to get the ball rolling.

Oh, and Earl, be sure to visit Jon's Academically Gifted Children blog if you have any penile dysfunctions that might impinge upon your ability to thoroughly enjoy the cake.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

..."an FBI agent's hunt for the terrorists responsible for brutally killing his family'....."continued terrorist attacks, which are called 'lessons' by the responsible terrorist..."

I dunno. I bet in some part of Afghanistan in 1992, Al Qaeda were teaching 'Responsible Terrorism 101". And the first thing they teach is this;
"Never kill the family of Bruce Willis or an FBI agent's family, as it attracts attention to you".

It would be really great if someone gave Pat Robertson 'a lesson' though.

The use of the comma, especially in the last sentence of the first paragraph, is, without doubt, and in my honest opinion, over the top.

 
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At 10:00 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Perhaps Pat Robertson could get someone to assassinate the frigin spammers.

 
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This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 5:12 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

If a nutter like Pat Robertson can get and hold political sway then Meg and I will be unstoppable. Fedral Fight Court in '08!

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Federal fight court will inspire me to introduce violence into all aspects of my life.

 
At 6:42 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

That's part of the process, Taffy. The goal is to produce a nation of individuals as violent and hate-filled as Pat Robertson.

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

That was a good book. The Teacher was my favorite character but he was rill scary too.

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger Hippy Joe said...

I know...we could have a religious Hate-A-Thon! Pat Robertson and hey, any Iman from your local religion of peace mosque. Sadly, the Imans have a leg up on the old hate rhetoric...as well as the cool costumes. Pat, get to wardrobe!

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Hey Pajiba! Time for some more male cheesecake. Doesn't have to be nude, just cute and up-to-date.

Thanks, Bweaves

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I don't know, Hippie, Pat has been spewing violence and idiocy for some time. I think he could give all but the most fanatical Imams a run for thier money. Amazing how these religious leaders are able to overlook the "don't kill" rule. Anyway, I digress, the real import here is that this would make a great matchup for Fight Court. I think the pay-per-view proceeds would go a long way in balancing the budget.

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

As George Carlin says, 'Thou shalt not kill--sometimes.'

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

No fair Bweaves! Courtney Love does not count as female cheesecake. She's more of an anti-cheesecake, if there is such a thing. Maybe spoiled cottage cheese cake with rotten fish sauce is more accurate. Seeing her crotch on a daily basis has made me a worse person. I need at least a couple of hours of Jessica Alba's ass, or Jessica Simpson's ass, hell, even Jessica Rabbit's ass will do, just to get back to normal.

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Excuse me, Hippy Joe, but I take offense at that. The Catholic church INVENTED hate-mongering religious intolerance. Ever hear of the Spanish Inquisistion? Yes, we were spouting anti-everyone-but-us religious invective centuries before it was considered cool and hip. So give us our props.

That said, Pat Robinson isn't Catholic, so he might need some additional coaching. If only we had a pope who was a former Nazi...

P.S. I am so on board with the Federal Fight Court initiative. Can I be secreatry of state or something when you guys take over? Mostly I just want the free travel perk, but I suppose I could mediate some "Naked Jello Wrestling for Bumper Nuts" matches as well. I'm pretty versatile.

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

You're in Mustang, I love the initiative. The only thing I think I would like to see more than Pat and a Fanatical Imam trading punches is Pat and a radical Imam trading punches while standing naked in knee deep jello. It's the kind of scenario where everyone wins. Let's hope the bout ends in similar fashion to "Rocky".

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Hippy Joe said...

Sorry, Mustang, I didn't mean to slight the Cathys and their legacy of intolerance and meat free Fridays. I got your back next time.

I'm down with the Jello Wrestling...only if they are NOT naked. Reg, I think you may have some issues there that are best dealt with under supervision of a licensed mental health professional or at your local Scientology superstore.

Manager Guy - Thanks for the laughs and may God bless you and grant you peace, as well as an unending supply of poorly written and constructed scripts and query letters. You will forever be our little blog Angel.

(Manager Guy=BC Phil?)

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Oh, and Manager Guy, if (and it's a really really big "if") Joe Ezterhaus shows up at the Pearly Gates one day, can you kick him in the nuts for the rest of us? Thanks.

 
At 9:01 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Hey Reg: I never said Her Raunchy Drug-Highness was cheesecake. Just cheesy. I'm just looking for some cute male ass, or abs, or grin. Hell, I'D even settle for Jessica Rabbit, but I like her boobs.

Best line ever, "I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

OK, so I clicked on the "Not your mother's pillows" link and there's a woman with a large "spore" between her toes. Scared the shit out of me, so I left.

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Hippie, I have to walk past the New York Scientology center every day. I've always wanted to walk in and check out the wackos but there are usually several strange looking people lurking nearby and I'm afraid they'll spring into action if I get too close.

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Bweaves: So we're in agreement, we will campaign for Pajiba to show us Jessica Rabbit's boobs. I'm a uniter. As for the pillow place you really did yourself a disservice. They have a number of ugly, tacky, useless products for you to examine. For example, they offer a cone shaped pillow in brown (complete with lighter and darker brown spots) that looks like a giant turd. The also sell a furry broom.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

It's all good, Hippy Joe. We're all about peace, love and bad query letters here.

Reg, just keep walkin' past that Scientology center, dude. You've seen what they did to Tom Cruise. Katie will be selling flowers at the airport any day now.

Feel free to drop in on any Catholic mass, however. We'll make you feel like shit for everything you've ever thought about doing, but we're totally up front about it. Brain washing is for weenies.

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

And Shelley, if Joe Ezterhaus shows up at the gates of heaven one day in some sort of cosmic clerical mishap, I feel confident that there will be a long line of people...saints included...waiting to give him his richly deserved ass kicking.

Joan of Arc has probably been waiting to get a piece of him for years.

Now THAT'S a movie idea.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

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At 10:23 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Reg, I think we may be able to raise lots of money for our campaign for Federal Fight Court with the bikininuts jello wrestling championship. Further, we can send Penlies with his anal warts to scare away any contributors at the opposition's rallies. What do you think?

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger Meg said...

I also fully support Jessica Rabbit for Pajiba's next ad.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Meg: I will start printing posters. We'll distribute patriotic-themed bumper nuts with "Reg" on one nut and "Meg" on the other. We'll shoot an attack ad immediately using Penlies:

"One of the Clintons gave me anal warts in a disgusting 3-way with John McCain"

Then we'll gripe about special interests and promise everyone everything. If our poll numbers slip I'll publicly challenge Pat Robertson to a bare-knuckle brawl by calling him a girlie man.

 
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RECRUIT
Are there really forty virgins up there?

DEAD TERRORIST
Yeah, but it don't do me no good. The damn bomb blew off my dick. Hell, I can't even piss up there!

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Ohhhhhh!

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