Friday, July 29, 2005

Thinly veiled axe to grind much?

"Log Line: Like 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest', with a positive life-ending 'Sideways' type adventure. An Alzheimer’s patient finds his long lost first love living in the same retirement home and together they escape to Europe to seek their last slice of happiness before either of them forget who they are with.

Synopsis:
The story begins with a young man just out of law school who had a thing for a beautiful young woman and fellow classmate. She had reluctantly rebuffed him back then and she ended up having a difficult life, while he had a successful law career and marriage. Forwarding the story 60 years, he is now in his seventies, widowed and in the early stages of memory loss. His family decides it is best for him to live in a senior home for Alzheimer’s patients and as soon as he moves into the senior living home, he discovers his former flame living in the same senior care home. Their reunion is quite emotional and endearing. Figuring now, that they both have little quality of life remaining, he plots his escape plan for the two of them to get them out of the senior home and off to Europe. Planning ahead for his own security, he had kept his American Express credit card and is now ready to use it to fund the adventure in first class only, which is new to his companion. She soon gets into the opulent adventure and the conniving antics of the two traversing through European capitals, while staying one step ahead of their families and Interpol authorities provides a thrilling comedic adventure. They meet up with and be-friend an older Frenchman who happens to be recently retired from Interpol leadership. The hilarious Frenchman, along with his lively wife, take charge of the antics and are able to guide them through Southern Europe while avoiding the Interpol police. The four of them end up having a grand time in Paris, Marseilles, casino at Monte Carlo and then Rome before splitting up with the two going on alone to Venice where his son finds them, which was part of his planned ending all along. The message ending is one that indicates that older people, don't have to die in place, just because they are deteriorating. "

178 Comments:

At 10:11 AM, Blogger dodgeperry said...

I fail to see how this is related to "One Flew Over..." or
"Sideways". Is the writer just picking movies at random from a movie encyclopedia to use in the log line?

If so, then how about we replace with: "Like 'Inherit the Wind' with a positive life-ending 'Gothica' type adventure"?

 
At 10:11 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

"Log Line: Like 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest', with a positive life-ending 'Sideways' type adventure."

What the hell is a positive life-ending adventure? Does the couple die at the end? Does the son, upon cathing up with them in Venice, smother them with a pillow like Chief? Is the life of the couple so miserable throughout the story that we are supposed to see this ending as a positive? This movie idea sounds like something that would make me want to hang myself immediately following the credits. In fact, just reading the query letter has left me scrambling for the hotline number.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger Dan said...

On the plus side, we do have 'conniving antics' instead of just plain ole antics. And I don't understand if the woman is the fellow classmate or if the guy has a thing for a beautiful young woman and a fellow classmate. Sounds kinky if it's the latter. Next question, how did he pay the fee on the Amex card? This has all the excitement of a wheelchair car chase but I think the wheelchair car chase would be more fun to watch.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger Neb said...

Axe is right. Is somebody angry with a girl who refused him, hm? Why not just ad "So there! Nyah! (Jilt me, will you...stupid Debbie...ha!)" at the end?

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Yowza wowza said...

No one ever said writers are good at math, but if he's in his seventies, and he found his true love at law school 60 years ago, that would have made him between 10 and 19 upon graduation.

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Yowza Wowza: Title, "Doogie Howser, 2055"

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Let me get this straight, this is exactly like "The Notebook" only both of them have Alzheimer's?

If both of them are bad off enough to be institutionalized, then how would they even recognize each other? I can't even recognize people I went to school with and I'm not that old and I have a good memory.

Why is Interpol even involved?
Two grownups decide to vacation in Europe. So what? Oh, wait, it's so the hilarious Frenchman can take charge of the antics. "I unplug my nose in your general direction, you forgetful jilted lawyer type. I'll loose all your money in the Monte Carlo Casino and you won't even remember, you gerbil washing, sprout flinging nincompoop."

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger boredinchicago said...

i love watching LOVE stories about two OLD people. ewwwwwwww. who's the market demographic - anyone who thought grumpy old men was just not old enough?

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I think you cast Angelina Jolie as the woman, even if she is supposed to be 70. Throw a few grey streaks in her hair to get the whole "old lady" point across but don't touch anything else. That way at least the sex scenes will be worth watching.

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

It's a shame "Grumpy Old Men" has already been used. Maybe we call this one "Crotchety Batshit Old Coot and his near-dead Girlfriend"

 
At 11:15 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Crochety Bat Shit Old Coot: "I am going to use my American Express (Don't leave the Nursing Home without it) to book us a trip to EUROPE!"

Near Dead Girlfriend: "Great! Perhaps we will meet a Frenchman who used to work for Interpol and can help us evade them. Perhaps he will be played by Matt Damon with an accent!"

CBSOC: "Fuck, I can't find my American Express card."

NDG: "This is why I dumped you when we were ten, you loser. Also, your butt sags."

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Oh shit, the google ads are for senior care. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Depends Undergarments (seeing if I can manipulate the ads)
AARP
Hemorroid Cream
Florida

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger isolde said...

Frankly, I would see any movie with a hilarious Frenchman.

A hilarious Greenlander, mmmm, not so much.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

This would be great as a spy movie. Incorporate a dash of Mr. Magoo and a splash of "The Man Who Knew Too Little" and we have a winner. It can end with the worlds slowest car chase in a stolen Ferrari and an absent minded turn off a cliff.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Meg said...

I am showing 100% senior care ads.

Florida
Retirement Homes
Florida
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At 11:47 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

I guess this proves that seniors can write lousy queries too.

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger kojled said...

wait. this guy has alzheimer's and he recognizes an old flame from high school (is it high school? i wasn't paying attention to the logline)

how does someone with alzheimer's do that? they don't know what day of the week it is.

these loglines need to be categorized. that way we would know which ones not to read (not that i read this one - i just gave it a pass with my eyes). this one could be in the 'based on poor logic' category.

but, on the plus side, it'll be easy to line up talent for this. i wonder what matt damon is doing in 40 years. call him, get a commitment

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger BCPhil said...

Confusing this is.
I am reading this entire novel, this thing is longer than Lords of the Rings and stuff, and I get to the end and there is no action or weapons or fights or anything. I had once thought up a story like this but it was of a viking thinking back on cool battles he was in and then right before he dies he takes on a legion of Orcs and kills them all and then dies from a wound from a cross bow.

Stories like this are exactly what we need to see less of. A bunch of talking and stuff and then nothing at the end except happy people who ultimately never had a cool weapon or fought anyone. If you want to see how to do this story correctly I would recommend the awesome Bubba Ho Tep movie about Elvis Presley and what happened to him at the end of his life.

Looking at your take this is what I would do....

"Synopsis:
The story begins with a young man just out of law school"
Let's stop right there, if anyone is ever getting out of anything it needs to be something sweet like the military or the CIA or something cool. Not Law school.

"Forwarding the story 60 years, he is now in his seventies, widowed and in the early stages of memory loss. His family decides it is best for him to live in a senior home for Alzheimer’s patients and as soon as he moves into the senior living home, he discovers his former flame living in the same senior care home."
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
How about he goes to the retirement home and discovers that an elite group of North Vietnamese fighters have deiced to set up camp there, he recognizes them from his days in Vietnam. They are Communist fighters who have snuk back into America for one last terrorist act, he then decides he must stop them but it's hard because with his memory going he doesn't remember how to make guns and bombs and cool stuff. He befriends a nutty janitor who could also be comic relief, I see Chris Rock doing this part. The Janitor helps him build a replica M-60 machine gun and hand grenades out of prune juice bottles.

"Their reunion is quite emotional and endearing. Figuring now, that they both have little quality of life remaining, he plots his escape plan for the two of them to get them out of the senior home and off to Europe."
Again, why? Let's change this to he plans out a way to launch an assault on his enemies and decides he will infiltrate their ward. The janitor and him could bond and this could provide some cool emotional stuff that happens when men bond when they are planning to kill other men and stuff.

"The hilarious Frenchman"
Oxymoron

"The message ending is one that indicates that older people, don't have to die in place, just because they are deteriorating. "
Now this part I like and agree with, but why not die in battle with honor?
Let's say the first act is him going to the home, then he meets the janitor. After that the second act is him making weapons and bombs and talking about "The Nam!"

Then in the final third act he makes his move and decides to go dead ahead into there ward. The first scene would be like in the super cool movie the Matrix when they go to rescue Orifice and they attack the hotel people and stuff in slow motion. The old soldier goes through the door and starts blasting nurses and doctor's and the Vietnamese soldiers. Plenty of awesome slow motion shots of arms and heads and enema bags all exploding. Finally the soldier meets up with the 5 Vietnamese soldiers and they just start shooting and stuff. No memories of chicks or stuff, just shooting and destruction. Finally after the old soldier has wasted all but one of the Vietnamese soldiers, he tracks down the last one, he holds up his M-60 to blast him but the Vietnamese solider is super quick, could be a sub plot about him knowing Kung Fu if necessary, and holds up a bed pan the reflects the bullets back. This mortally wounds the American Soldier but with his last breath...he has the last laugh. He takes out a special Prune Juice Container Grenade that the Janitor helped him make and pulls the pin. Both soldiers laugh as the grenade explodes and they both are killed.

As you can see I haven't made any dramatic changes but with just a little tweaking this story has become xtreme!
Good luck with your script.

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger MontiLee said...

The message ending is one that indicates that older people, don't have to die in place, just because they are deteriorating.

I think that should be "die in peace".

So we're supposed to believe that this man is debilitated enough to be put in a home yet has the presence of mind to retrieve a hidden Amex Card, snatch his girlfriend and travel around the world staying one-step ahead of the authorities...

...yeah...

It's more like Cocoon meets Blade Runner.

Ow...ow...ow...ow...

Ooo - can I be a link whore too?

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I think The Empress should let this guy finish the script and have someone filming him as he writes it. The film can then be about the kind of idiot with no apparent grasp on reality who would write a script like this.

On a more interesting note: Right now, out in my parking lot, there is a mud-covered He Man truck complete with a set of silver non-Bumper Nuts brand bumper nuts. I must say, having seen both sets in the flesh, that Bumper Nuts brand bumper nuts reign supreme. Yes, they're half the size of the nuts obstructing my view right now, but at least they have a vein and don't look like deflated party balloons.

(I'm hoping that by typing Bumper Nuts a lot that we get at least one Bumper Nut Google ad, not that it's ever worked before.)

Bumper Nuts.

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

BCPhil to the rescue again. Can we assume the soundtrack is by Gwar?

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Ahh, BC Phil, welcome back, my friend.

M60 made out of prune juice bottles and exploding enima bags. Wow.

The anti-law school comment was a bit uncalled for, however. Then again, we never blew anything up, either, so I take your point.

 
At 12:29 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Maybe we can get the ads to be paramiliatary things:

Grenade
Rocket Launcher
M60
Xtreme

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

You'd probably get an Oscar for this if you got rid of the trip to Europe, had the old folks having sex constantly in the beginning of the movie, and then killed off one of them and possibly a grandchild. Have the only comedy be from the minor alzheimers early in the movie but make it start to get sad and denigrating as the disease progresses so that the audience is sickened by itself by the end for laughing at the beginning. Then, in a final moment of lucidity the remaining old person would commits suicide, generating enough stink from the religious right to practically guarantee a huge box office and a number of Oscar nominations.


This pig will fly!

 
At 12:37 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Oh yeah, and play that Over the Rainbow song by the huge fat guy with the ukelele over the credits, just like in "Finding Forrester". That will send them out sobbing!

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

http://www.bumpernuts.com/truck%20accessory%201.htm

For all the fans...

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Storm said...

I don't get the whole 'hilarious Frenchman' thing. Why???

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger wild alaskan said...

Demented, septuagenarian hijinks ensue!

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

I don't remember some of the girls I dated in college today, let alone in thirty odd years time and with the added bonus of Alzheimers.

Although their 'quite emotional' reunion could be better if, that night, she snuck into his room wearing her old cheerleaders uniform, adult diapers and all.

There's not a mileage from all those "tell me who are you again?" scenes. I think BC Phil's got it right.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Let’s give the characters some names: Old Man: Bob. Old Lady: Betty

The story is about Bob and Betty’s lavish trip to Europe. They’re flying first class. They rent a chauffeured Rolls Royce, shop in the most opulent stores in Paris and eat at the most expensive restaurants. Life is good for Bob and Betty . . . The problem is - this isn’t Bob and Betty. It’s Neal and Nancy who stole their American Express card. Not to worry Bob and Betty are safe at home eating Coco Puffs because they don’t remember anything.

 
At 6:38 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

Whatever happened to paragraphs? You know, that little packet of language all related to a similar topic, with a couple hard carriage returns thrown in at the end to delineate the fact that a new idea has begun?

You know when I learned how to write a paragraph? In grade FOUR. So that makes this query writer 8 years old, at the most. How does he possibly have the life experience to know what it's like to have death knocking at your door?

You know what this is, don't you? It's not fucking Sideways, nor is it One Flew Over (unless there's a cool lobotomy scene, and then I'm in) -- no, it's COCOON meets SHIRLEY VALENTINE.

===

"Hilarious Frenchman." There's an oxymoron if ever there was one. They just don't grow 'em funny in France, man.

===

"Planning ahead for his security..." yeah, we all pay social security premiums, dummy. As for keeping the stupid American Express card, what, is that supposed to make him a renegade?

A renegade would be running up a CREDIT card, not a charge card. I mean, the interest alone on American Express would be sure to put the old codger six feet under.

===
And I love the fact that Gramps was stuck in the home by his family, as was Grams. Their quality of life in a rapid state of decline, they're somehow able to muster the energy to not only jetset around Europe -- but evade INTERPOL, who apparently have nothing better to do than to chase some harmless old folks who are spending their own fucking money as they gallavant around the Cote D'Azur.

Oh, SURE, that's SO PLAUSIBLE.

My GOD. No wonder the crap that's getting made these days is getting made-- it's the lesser of subpar evils. Makes you wonder if the best thing Hollywood producers can do is scatter scripts over the floor and go, "Eeny, meeny, miney... mo!"

A regular mouthpiece.

My bad, bad, not-appropriate-for-work mouthpiece.

 
At 6:40 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

Now after all that I realize that Montilee and I were on a similar wavelength.

Now I look like as cheap a plagiarizing hack as any of these dicks who are sending in their queries.

Sigh.

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

Damn! I have to read these comments before I do this crap! I'm stealing from Phil, too! "Hilarious Frenchman = Oxymoron."

I'd say great minds think alike, but I suspect Phil and I merely have the same dealer.

 
At 8:50 PM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

OK...

I may have no taste, but I actualy LIKE this one. Yes I do, and I don't like ANYTHING.

It is sweet. Yeah the query isn't the best and I'd consdier loosing the French guy, and its an expensive location shoot. Still it is something for those of us who aren't 18 year old, hormone driven, porn addicted, value impared Blue State morons... who seem to be the only people movies are made for these days.

Penny Marshal could probably turn this into a seriously good romantic comedy. Yes it would take someone as good as her to do it, but it could be done. What is more you could cast some older stars, folks that actually have TALLENT and who understand that acting and getting naked are not the same thing.

Hey, it is better than STEALTH, and that just opened across the street from me.

 
At 1:18 AM, Blogger Inspector Clouseau said...

Don't be a menkey.

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

A) This query is stupid. Plus, if anyone wants to see a truly witty comedy about some old people whose families don't understand their still-vibrant spirit, watch the UK TV show "Waiting for God".

B) After reading this query, I prayed for the sweet sweet oblivion of Alzheimer's to fall upon me right away.

C) Sorry, Larry, the pretending-to-find-virtue-in-the-lame-query spot is already well (and xtremely) occupied by BCPhil. We'll keep you in mind if something opens up.

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

Larry - Ref: Stealth. It was shot on the Fox lot here in Sydney, and a friend got me onto the set to have a nose. So I went and looked at the blue / green screen TERGEN Gimble, and watched Josh and Sam and Jamie ham it up for a couple of hours; then I walked out into the afternoon sun.

I asked my friend, whaddya think? He replied

"STD, Security Dog. It's got STD wrote all over it".

"Wossat? asks I

"Straight To Disc, man. Straight To motherfucking Disc".

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger Security Dog said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Holy shit, did BCPhil actually just rip into someone's query letter? Obviously, Xtreme Old People is not an avenue that Phil's willing to explore.

Also, I'm getting a Google ad for Alzheimer's clothing... Ummm, what?

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger Dan said...

RockSteady: Alzheimer's clothing is that thingy that Jessica Alba's wearing in the Pajiba ad.

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger haz_bear01 said...

Sorry, since when did Interpol get it's own policemen and stuff? It's an organization that helps police forces around the world co-operate (and it's good to co-operate, Sesame Street says so). You can't run from Interpol, you can only run from the local police - in this case the French and Italian police.

And another thing - they traverse European capitols do they? In the south of France? Get an atlas you idiot. Paris is in the north! And why not go to more than two european countries - oh, possibly because you've never heard of Denmark or Luxemburg or Slovakia or Portugal or...or...anywhere...

...need to lie down...

 
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