Friday, July 01, 2005

I knew those Commies were to blame for the '04 election!

"In the 1950's, a KGB spymaster establishes a school that would Americanize young agents. His main goal is world domination through political infiltration.

Genre: Espionage

A KGB spymaster founded a school that would educate Soviet children on various foreign cultures. His intention was to train these young spies and send them out into the world. They would become politicians/lawmakers whom he could control in secret. His grand-nephew eventually becomes the President of the United States."

41 Comments:

At 1:11 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

All The Presidents Comrades

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

So basically there's no more war, as all the world leaders finally agree on something?

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger Meg said...

We have GOT to get Sean Connery out of mothballs to play the KGB guy. His Scottish accent was perfect in Hunt for Red October.

Completely off the topic, but I prosecuted a guy yesterday for DWI, Carrying a Concealed Weapon, Open Container and Indecent Exposure. He shit in this lady's yard, she called the cops, they caught him and he was drunk as a coot (sadly, no evidence of bumper nuts on his car or this could have resulted in a dismissal for him), he had a steak knife on him (CCW) and a beer in the car. You can't make this up, and it makes a better query than this one.

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

And now...what happens? I don't get it.

I like meg's story better. Although, around where I grew up, we'd call people like that "the country club set".

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Meg, there should be a new charge for when they wait until they're in the back of the cruiser before taking that shit.

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger kojled said...

go back to the 70's and write this as a novel (preferrably by lecarre)

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Although it's always nice to see the Grand Nephew KGB Spy Kid genre trotted out again, could this script BE any less relevant?

So, the spymaster goes about Americanizing young agents...on "various foreign cultures."...

And enough with the "would" crap. Either it happened in your script or it didn't. Get your tenses straight, man.

 
At 4:13 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

I vaguely remember seeing some of a movie like this, except the agents were German.

In this version, wouldn't all the agents be really old by now?

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger charoop said...

what an original idea... Novgorod's old news, ffs. 'Alias' played this card, for crying out loud. and - wait for it - both the KGB and the Soviet bloc are no more. did this guy just wake up from a 30-year coma?

Bargaintuan: i feel that i may have seen the same movie, but can't come up with any details... probably had something to do with the Sonnenkinder.

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger queenofattolia said...

Um -- I know the '80s, the Cold War and the apex of Kevin Costner's career were a long time ago, but this general premise was already used in the film "No Way Out." Kevin played a Navy officer who was really a Russian KGB agent who had been trained since childhood to infiltrate the upper echelons of the US government, blah blah blah. Yeah, it was stupid then, too.

 
At 1:53 AM, Blogger The Gambino Crime Family said...

Cool idea, but I think we need a third act where the good nephew of the KGB general breaks out of a Vietcong prison (where he's been held since 1969) and flies back to the save the day.

 
At 10:03 AM, Blogger James said...

This would work better as a comedy.

Leave the first paragraph as is. Then thow in the hijinx that ensue as the stody Russkies try to comprehend US culture. As they learn more, they find out how much their lives suck and they plot against their oppressive KGB overlord.

The film cummulates into a massive road trip frat party that results in the agents requesting and getting political asylum.

 
At 11:18 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

So Ivan spends his whole life climbing to the top of the American political hierarchy. Once there, he advocates government control of all utilities and natural resources, nationalized health care, prohibitions against religion, and the end of privatized wealth in favor of a classless state. He is then branded as a liberal (which is now a far worse label than "Commie" ever was) and is, as a final irony, run out of every Red State in the country. The final scene finds him drinking in a seedy bar with Ralph Nader.

Ryokowerx is right...this query actually works as a comedy.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

Actually, i think it would work best as a musical!

We keep the little Russian village, but instead of infiltrating the USA, our hero becomes the leader of Cuba.

We'll call it "Fidel on the Roof"

Think of the great musical numbers:
"If I were a Henchman"
"Tequila Sunrise, Sunset"
"Havana Nagela"
"Don't Cry for Me, Puerto Rico"
and of course,
"Is that a Missile on Your Island, or are You Just Happy to See Me?"

 
At 1:12 AM, Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

Ummm, sorry, but Alias beat you to this query, writer. Remember that hot episode where Sid and Vaughn go undercover as husband and wife and they kill another couple in a car dealership? That was hot. This query is not.

 
At 1:53 AM, Blogger djddjd said...

What about a climatic battle between the American/Russian President and the Austrian/American soon-to-be President Arnie?
'I am more American than you, girlie-man! Take your quiche and get back to Russia' (violent hi-jinks ensue. Monkeys optional).

 
At 6:33 AM, Blogger PeteTDX said...

Hey, I actually like this one. But you definitely need a power cast. Let's see, maybe get someone like Denzel Washington to play the lead, maybe retired military with a splotchy memory. Then get a clean-cut wimp to play the KGB Agent/President, maybe a bit character from one of the Scream movies.

Maybe give it some modern-day political undertones, and name it The Manchurian Candidate. Ocvar Gold!!!

petetdx.blogspot.com

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Well... there was the recent remake of the Manchurian Candidate. Stories about moles in the U.S. could be updated, but how to keep it pc? The mole would have to be Moslem, he adapts to the U.S. self-indulgent way of life, finds it tough to "go back" when he's activated, etc. (Or goes on with the mission, because he's a fanatic.) Distasteful idea, but not far-fetched.

Dialogue

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

This query sucks.

There's no Cold War anymore.

China would've been scarier, and would have more applicability, but I guess Russians being mostly white was the writer's appeal, since they could blend in well with white America.

But a fucking KGB guy becomes president? Yada, yada. Yeah, that'll happen.

But only if he raises cattle, owns oil wells, and buddies-up with some big wigs in Halliburton or something.

I'm above it all. My scooter uses plutonium.

 
At 9:28 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

"Charm School" by Nelson DeMille:

"The sustained action of this chilling vision of modern Russia starts with a young American tourist phoning the U.S. embassy in Moscow to report an unusual encounter with a U.S. Air Force major in the forest near Borodino. The tourist then vanishes and the officer is identified as a Vietnam MIA. Attaches Sam Hollis and Lisa Rhodes eventually uncover a spy school graduating several hundred "Americans" each year and staffed by an unwilling faculty made up of American servicemen missing from Vietnam. The blockbuster ends after a maverick CIA agent pulls off a hair-raising escape to the West, carrying proof of the camp's existence."

Meg, do you think Mr. DeMille's lawyers would let this one slide?

Ryokowerx, your idea has been done, albeit poorly. It's called "The Experts" and it stars Travolta and wasn't very funny. It was released in 1989, when did Travolta really get into the Scientology stuff? Maybe now that he's a fruit loop his comedy will work a little better. I found his acting "Battlefield Earth" to be hysterical.

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Reg, there won't be any lawyers involved. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Hollywood is pretty damn sincere.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

I really like COLOfilm's musical version.

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I'm beginning to wonder if, perhaps, this writer has been holed up since 1950 writing the script for this query. If so, the story could begin at the moment he steps out his door into the Modern World. Think of the hi-jinks!

 
At 12:07 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Taffy: Didn't Brendan Frasier already star in that one?

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Oh, BWeaves, but there is a huge, huge difference. Brendan Frasier wasn't writing a script all that time. He was just being generally annoying as usual. ...Although, maybe Brendan Frasier's available for this. I heard if you put powder in someone's hair, it will make them look old. Also, there are Halloween make-up kits with grease pencils included for drawing on wrinkles.

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger Admiral said...

I think this guy was one of my patients. A couple of weeks on the inpatient ward and a good dose of Haldol got rid of the voices, he realized what year it was, and we turned him loose. I guess the script survived.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger boredinchicago said...

do you guys remember that john travolta movie where he and a friend were drugged and taken into the "american" town in russia where they opened up a club and thought they were in the midwest. this query is like the reverse. anyone got the name of this flick? i gotta rent it!

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Bored,

Try "The Experts" (1989)

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Admiral, you should have prescribed vitamins and exercise. Drugs just mask the problem and never get rid of the alien spirits causing the voices. Tighten it up Admiral, this is first day stuff here!

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Haha. Try throwing a bottle of vitamins at a raving psychopath in the ER. A quick fix with Haldol is what the doc ordered.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

fat chance: I have some friends working in the Bellview ER. At bellview there are special isolation rooms for the real wackos right in the ER with padded walls and plexiglass windows. I had the pleasure of visiting Bellview as a patient at 3 am (free health care from my friends) and got to witness a particularly crazy and imaginative patient use the bedpan, fling the contents on to the plexiglass, and then beat himself on the head repeatedly with the bedpan. These and other activities earned him a visit from security and one of the special gurneys with all the straps. Needless to say, this could have all been avoided through the use of Centrum and some wind sprints.

 
At 5:12 AM, Blogger Bobbie Mac said...

His grand-nephew eventually becomes the President of the United States."


But crisis is averted when he accidentally puts himself in a coma while trying to ride a bike in Scotland.


BTW everyone in the UK...you're in our thoughts right now.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Schot said...

I just hate when spymasters try to dominate the world... or anyone else... but especially spymasters.

 
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At 8:14 AM, Blogger Connor Wilson said...

Every year my son Dylan and I have been building our Halloween animatronic display. This year we added 12 new figures and my wife had been making the clothes etc. but then I clued in that Halloween Costumes were the ideal solution - ya, ok I'm slow but...This year is really cool because we've done an HP Lovecraft display that I'm sure he'd appreciate but I'm not so sure he'd approve of this - The Necronomicon - Is it just me or is that just plain goofy ? Anyway, everybody is doing their own Haunted House thing now but hey - it's fun and if you've got kids I really suggest you try it yourself if you haven't already. It's a nice change from the usual Christmas Lights routine and a lot of scaaarrry fun. Happy Halloween everybody.

 
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At 1:12 AM, Blogger Massachusettsinjurylawyers said...

Debt Help
Debt Consolidation can help you reduce your interest burden by charging an interest rate lower than the rate on your existing loans.

 

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