Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Revenge is a dish best served cold

"I have written a screenplay which I would like to submit for your consideration. This is a dark drama about a reticent middle-aged man who is emotionally closed-off from the world, and is my eighth script. When his wife leaves him he is left with nothing but his loneliness and the memory of a childhood ruined by the bullies who tormented him. He hates them for their cruelty, hates himself for not fighting back, and blames them for his misery. The trigger which unleashes his rage is seeing his grandson similarly abused. He becomes obsessed with one idea: to track down his enemies and kill them.

Ah, sweet revenge! For the main character, murder brings a rebirth, a surge of power coursing through his veins, an aphrodisiac. Throwing off the chains of his past, he reaches out to his wife and to his estranged son. But murder, even when committed to right a wrong, refuses to release the murderer from its grip. Slowly the wheels of justice begin to turn, he comes face-to-face with the grieving widow of his victim, and the poison of guilt corrodes his happiness. The final question is whether he will be destroyed by his own crime."

87 Comments:

At 2:26 PM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Be afraid! Be very afraid--when you turn down this script. MUWWWAAAAHHAAAAAAA.

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Hbarr said...

Ah, another revenge script.

An automatic submission to Mel Gibson's Icon Productions.

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

I say we set the whole thing in space. Give gramps a light saber.

Working Title: Revenge of the Stiff

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger petshop said...

I have GOT to get my hands on your first seven scripts!

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger dogfrog said...

If it turned out his enemies were gay bsdm ninja warriors who sidelined in hetro-bashing, extortion and gun running for Fidel, you'd have me half interested, but as it stands I've had more entertaining afternoons looking for my car keys.

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger kojled said...

ah, the 8th script. in the 'cycle of scripts' this one is my favorite: the greek tragedy

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Kid Sis said...

"But murder, even when committed to right a wrong, refuses to release the murderer from its grip."

That damn murder really holds a grudge...if only we could kill murder.

 
At 3:59 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said...

Wait this guy is so old he has grandchildren and he still hasn't gotten over being teased a child... who could root for such a loser protagonist.

However, I get the creepy feeling this might be autobiographical the way he ooozes over the whole thing..."Ah, sweet revenge! ... murder brings a rebirth, a surge of power coursing through his veins, an aphrodisiac."

okay buddy, put down the chainsaw...

 
At 4:03 PM, Blogger z0l0ft said...

The real person he should be extracting his vengence on is his mother for making him wear those culottes to school and naming him Snotfag, resulting in the beatings.

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger biku said...

So he's taking revenge on people just as old as he is? Possibly even older? Why not wait a few years and let nature take care them instead?

And I can just picture the high-speed walker/wheelchair chase.

"He's very... slowly... getting away!"

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Why doesn't he just pie fight them? Hey––where'd the pie fight ad go?

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

Any novelwriting teacher will tell you this: Write your first novel, and then throw it away. It's self-involved and trite, guaranteed.

And so too are this guy's first eight screenplays.

Here's a tip for everyone: When you've never sold a script or a book, don't tell prospective buyers how many you've done.

"...And is my eighth script," if you use your producer-decoder ring, actually translates to, "...And this is my eighth gaping failure."

Not to mention that this guy could be better spending his time an hour a week with a therapist to work through his obvious fucked-up high school years where his nickname was clearly "Swirly," after getting too close to the toilet bowl on more than one occasion.

Self-involved and trite. Just like this comment.

For further adventures of the Tidy-Bowl man...

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

I agree with Girl With an Alibi -- the author is clearly unbalanced, and I think I might be frightened of him/her.

Empress, just greenlight it for your own safety. He/She obviously cannot take any more rejection.

 
At 9:45 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"The trigger which unleashes his rage is seeing his grandson similarly abused."

See, this is what happens when losers breed.

"...left with nothing..." ...."Throwing off the chains..."..."...to right a wrong"..."slowly the wheels of justice begin to turn..."

Quick, someone call the Cliche Police!!!

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger charoop said...

"the poison of guilt corrodes his happiness. the final question is whether he will be destroyed by his own crime."

if the poison of guilt corrodes his happiness, i'm thinking the final question has already been answered. if i'm not mistaken (and i could very well be), corrosion is irreversible.

maybe "happiness" is metaphorical for "chainsaw" and... nope. still doesn't make sense.

 
At 3:23 AM, Blogger BCPhil said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:34 AM, Blogger BCPhil said...

Boy this is an awesome script and a great idea for a movie. I like it on a lot of levels, especially the way you have worked the abuse to continue into the grandson.
I am taking Film Appreciation in college and I am learning about metafours and motiefs. This is certainly a technique you are using in your work, and I think it's way cool.
I do think you need to tweak it a little, let me explain.
You spend the whole letter talking about what is going to happen, but then brush over the best part and I am afraid this might be the direction the movie would take. I hate movies where you have to sit through a whole movie and then only at the end is there any action, and rarely is the action xtreme, it's kind of an overdue regular extreme like on TV cop shows.
I would start this movie with the Grandfather having flash backs of being beat up and abused while watching the grandson getting the treatment also. I would also have the kids beating up the grandson be the sons or daughters of the kids that beat up the father. This would take about the first five minutes of the film and it would take place while the credits rolled.
After this the father and son would make a pact to kill everyone, the bullies, the town that let them get away with it, the law etc. They would wipe everyone out and they would do it using very cool weapons.
I see the grandson as a wiz kid with computers and physics. The father would have been in Vietnam and know all kinds of cool war stuff, like how to put grenades on a path with an invisible wire between them that would blow anyone up that walked through it. I would have the father booby trap the whole town with awesome explosives and sweet traps using logs and electrified cow wire.
The kid would trick out the fathers car with chainsaws, sharpened blades taken off ice skates, flame throwers, and 100 caliber machine guns.
The movie would climax with the kid and father killing everyone in the town. This movie would have more slow motion than "The Keep" and have awesome fight scenes and the kid and Dad would both be killing machines.
"Wack em and stack em Gramps!" says young Billy.
"You know I will! Now don't forget your homework," chuckles Grandpa.
Billy nods back and winks and then the camera pulls away to reveal his abusive Gym teacher who has been placed in an Iron Maiden torture device.
Billy slams the door closed!
The movie could also have their relationship develop in a sweet way as they lay waste to the town.

Great script, I would just add more action.

 
At 4:09 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

I just love the way my own relationship to Grandpa developed sweetly as we wacked em and stacked em and laid waste to our town. I recommend this course of action highly, it really improves family communication.
Once again, BCPhil vs. original query - 1:0.

 
At 4:29 AM, Blogger dodgeperry said...

"This is a dark drama about a reticent middle-aged man who is emotionally closed-off from the world, and is my eighth script."

I just love how this man is his eigth script.

But seriously, I don't think this is a bad concept. Maybe if we forget all the "poison of guilt corrodes his happiness" stuff and make it more matter-of-fact. it could even have some comedic elements.

 
At 4:32 AM, Blogger dodgeperry said...

Man, just when I'm trying to be a smart alec, I go and mispell eighth.

This query does remind me of "A Shock to the System" starring Michael Caine. I liked that movie.

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger Dan said...

Wasn't this already done (I forget the name)? A son is killed and the father takes revenge on the killers. In the end, the guilt gets to him. The only thing I remember about it was the man and a friend burying the bodies in the rain on some island.

Anyway, this query sucks!

 
At 7:04 AM, Blogger Casper Vidor said...

"This is a dark drama about a reticent middle-aged man who is emotionally closed-off from the world, and is my eighth script."

Wow this is a neat idea. The reticent man IS the script. How cool is that. Sorta like that big twist in "3" where it turns out that the cop has himself locked in the basement.

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

who's been reading my diary?

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger anders3000 said...

I have the strange feeling we've been exposed to this writers other 7 queries.

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

At 7:20 AM, Blog ho said...
who's been reading my diary?

bcphil obviously managed to get a copy. That post is a word for word quote isn't it?

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

BCPhil, I hope you're going to school to become a certified script doctor. It seems you're a whiz curing even the most diseased scripts. You could open up your own bona fide doctor's practice and take in the sick ones via a kindly older receptionist. (Maybe she could be a secret xtreme miracle worker for those tricky scripts that come in with Stage Four cancer of the Build-Up to the Climatic Scene.)

From what I've seen so far, you could revolutionize script doctoring. I see scripts suffering from Osteoporosis of the Narrative having their brittle bones removed through laproscopic surgery and replaced with really cool looking copper plumbing pipes filled with cement. The audience wouldn't actually see this, of course, but oh, would they feel the punch it gives.

I see scripts dying of Insufferable Plainness getting Xtreme Makeovers, in which they are outfitted with cheekbones so sharp, they'll cut out the tongue of any critic who dares pan it and whose eyebrows are lifted so high they brush against the new hair weave, leaving the audience so surprised at the slightest twist that they shit their pants in the confusion.

I haven't even addressed the Lee Press-On embellishments yet, but I hope you get the picture. Hollywood is your oyster, BCPhil... Or should I call you Dr. Phil?

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger Larry Rasczak said...

I agree with Rocksteady and Girl with an Alibi. This guy's next script submission should be to the FBI Serial Killer profile unit. I would invite this guy to a "pre-production conference" and have a couple of "technical consultants" from the FBI or the LAPD present.
They could show him their much shorter, but more popular script, the one that begins with "You have the right to remain silent..."

 
At 10:59 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

About Schmidt meets Death Wish. Very high concept.

As usual, I prefer BCPhil's take on the idea. Screw the poignant reflections on morality and revenge...just whack 'em and stack 'em, man! I can get the sermon at church for free. If I'm paying ten bucks, I want Xtreme weapons and buckets of blood.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Mermaid known as, Loralei said...

BCPhil scares me and this author does too.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger RogerRmjet said...

"The final question is whether he will be destroyed by his own crime."

So, if his crime is murder, then does that means he kills himself?

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger His Monkey Wife said...

I just hope the grandson repeatedly refers to the protagonist as "Gramps" or "Pop Pop."

David Lynch could make this movie fun.

 
At 10:50 AM, Blogger rectalhorror said...

Replace "reticent middle-aged man" with "sexy coroner," "grandson" with "talking dog," and "wheels of justice" with "anal love beads" and you've got a tight erotic thriller.

 
At 1:09 PM, Blogger Carter said...

So, if his crime is murder, then does that means he kills himself?

We should be so lucky.

All the Google ads are for background checks. I take that as a sign. This guy needs to be taken off the streets before he starts living out his dreams instead of writing scripts.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger KevMont said...

Maybe he wrote his eigth script ans is walking, sorry, working, backwards.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger KevMont said...

Damn. Spelled "and" wrong. I do that all the time, it so uncommon a word.

 
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