Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Who's writing crappy scripts?

"Who's murdering the scientists? In this quirky thriller, a college professor and her journalist boyfriend stumble upon a plot to kill off competitors in a high stakes race to develop a hydrogen fuel source that will replace the world's dwindling oil reserves. The villains (an obsessed scientist and a corrupt stockbroker) dispatch the hitmen who pursue the scientist and her boyfriend through the 'wilds' of Las Vegas. (Note: script can be adapted to other parts of the world.)

P.S. You can read the first 20 pages of this script (and my 8 others)on the website [website removed to protect the author from further ridicule]."

86 Comments:

At 11:26 AM, Blogger penlies said...

It's a period piece set like 20 years ago when hydrogen fuel was still a mystery. The characters can where jackets with pink under shirts and do rails on mirrors with gold trim. The ‘wilds’ of Vegas can have big bleached hair and silicone, silicone everywhere!

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

This sounds very similar to "The Saint" but instead of corrupt former Eastern Bloc generals and spies this query uses the far more terrifying spectre of the "stockbroker" to drive the plot. Somehow I'm having trouble joining the terms "stockbroker" and "asskicker" in my mind.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger hoover said...

(Note: script can be adapted to other parts of the world.)

in fact, these characters can be replaced with other characters. whatever you want! you don't like high stakes races? how about a low ante amble? don't like hydrogen? i'll make it about competitors who are trying to invent time travel. that's new, right? time travel. please just validate me! validate me!

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger boredinchicago said...

ok i'm scared now because i read this and think "totally unoriginal, seen it a million times before, da vinci code type rip off - kill to protect the secret," but yet without more information about the plot, adventures, "wilds", i wouldn't immediately neg it. maybe that's cuz i'm high on benedryl.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Well... a few things:

1. Why kill off the scientists? Just steal the formula/process, etc.

2. Why bother, anyway? No one is capable of overhauling the present fuel system for this hydrogen concept at the present time.

3. Why bother, part 2? Not very interesting.

4. Why ask why? Why do so many query writers start with a question?

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

OK, I know college professors and . . .

a) They don't have boyfriends.
b) They don't have grants big enough to be in any high stakes race. (Have you ever read a dissertation? Ugh.)
c) Any fuel related high stakes race would be between major corporations, not college professors.

Then again, anything shot in the "wilds" of Las Vegas would probably be porno, so I say do it.

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

P. S.

d) How do you develop a fuel SOURCE?

I mean, I can see developing a fuel alternative, but how do you develop a source? Doesn't it already have to be there to be a source.

 
At 11:54 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Bweaves: I totally agree with your last point; The combination of Wall St. guys and Vegas generally brings to mind the kind of crapulence that makes Calligulan Rome seem tame. My only question is when would this stockbroker find the time between the whoring and the blow to follow up on any kind of sinister plot? I just can't see it.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

P.S.S. (or is it P.P.S?)

I believe this plotline has been done in an equally dismal story, starring Marlon Brando. Something about an evil Oil corporation conspiracy.

For a good time:
Dialogue

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger Girl With An Alibi said...

How is it possible to develop a fuel alternative when you're on the run in the 'wilds' of Las Vegas? Don't you have to be holed up in a lab for like a decade or more to do that sort of thing?

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

(Note: script can be adapted to other parts of the world.)

Oh, send it to Bollywood. PLEASE!!!

You know the query's bad when even the Google adds are "Learn how to write."

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Meg said...

I was pursued once through the wilds of Vegas and I am pretty sure it could not be recreated anywhere.

Feathers and platforms are a bitch to run in...

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger Meg said...

I have solved the mystery, Penlies must be hot and not smart because smart (ugly) people know the difference between "where [sic] pink jackets" and "wearing pink jackets."

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

Guys, I don't know what you're talking about-- this script sounds hot. Maybe we could get Keanu Reeves and Rachel Weisz to play the scientists/professor and set it in Chicago, and maybe Morgan Freeman can be the corrupt stockbroker. Not quite good enough? How about we throw in a couple of scientists getting beaten up and a motorcycle chase? Now will you read my original query, please? Please...

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I don't want to be liable for any sprained ankles due to any one stumbling over my plot, so I'm just going to come right out and tell everyone about my quirky and thrilling plot to find out where the Empress's office is, break in with my corrupt yet quirky and lovable stockbroker boyfriend, and uncover the website of the writer of this thrillingly quirky query. The movie of my adventure will be like a cross between the Holy Grail and the Poseidon Adventure.

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Taffy, I'm in! Any room for Zombie Lawyers in your query?

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger BlackCapricorn said...

I am suprised a stock broker can float the kind of cash necessary to send teams of assasins globe hopping to kill off scientists.

As far as I can tell the script is 28 pages long. If he throws in some Greek and Russian singing he's got 42 minutes of wonderfulness on his hands.

If he puts in Sharkies, he can "adapt" the script to the water world they inhabit with their red eyes and chicken feat.

Can you smell the synergy?

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I think there are way too many college professors and students as characters in these query letters. Most of the professors I know are involved in their field, some kind of disgusting romantic intrigue involving 3 or more of the ugliest people I'd every seen, and in the petty politics of getting a larger piece of a fixed funding pie. Why are these people used in movie ideas? Toss in a zombie-lawyer at least.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

This could be turned into an awesome rip-off of Innerspace. All you'd need to do is inject the hydrogen into Martin Short's butt.

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Damn, Assisant Altas just reminded me that I forgot to cast my quirky thriller! Might as well get that out of the way. I will be played by a cardboard cut-out of Keanu Reeves in a sundress because the acting will be the same and we won't have to pay him. And he's pretty enough to play a girl, cardboard or not.

Rhys Ifans will be the quirky and lovable stockbroker boyfriend for a whole multitude of reasons. (This is why he gets his own paragraph.) First, he'll do it no matter how hideous the script is. Judging by the criminally horrible movie I was forced to watch the other day (Rancid Aluminum--I'm still confused), he'll also do it naked. So no wardrobe budget there. And all the expensive and action-packed scenes dealing with getting into the office won't be necessary, as he's plenty thin enough to easily slide under the door.

The Empress will be played by the Olsen Twins as a charming two-headed ogre (with only one head that eats) just to make the movie more interesting. Of course, this can be adapted to ensure validation of my script. Finally, the writer of the website filled with the Holy Grail of quirky scripts will be played by the genius that is Corey Feldman.

Since this script can be adapted and a lot of money will be saved, I am assured that the script will easily be accepted and I will therefore be validated and can put the gun down. As I bonus, I know the cardboard Keanu Reeves will not turn down the lead and Mr. Ifans will be quirkily thrilled to be in this flick in a very naked manner. I should probably google Mr. Feldman to make sure he's alive, though. Research, I think, is what they call it.

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Meg, of course there's room for zombie lawyers. You can even pick who you want to play you. Pick someone who can skate, though, because I might put the whole show on ice.

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Taffy: The NHL is off for the year so there are plenty of able-bodied skaters availible for ice shows. Sergei Federov, for example, can skate and lend a marginal bit of star power as he was married to Anna Kournikova while she was still a young tennis-playing tart, as opposed to the non-tennis playing young tart she is today. Plus, he's Russian. The only thing scarier than a skating zombie-lawyer is a Russian skating zombie-lawyer.

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger Meg said...

I refuse to let Sergei Federov play me in any movie role. I have moral objections to the Detroit Redwings. Also, he's too old.

 
At 1:59 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Chris Pronger? Any of them will do, Meg, you pick.

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Chris Pronger: 6'6", 218 Lbs, blonde, 30 yrs old, shoots left. Also, he is undead and watches lots of lawyer shows on TV. Aside from the gender problem this guy is perfect. If there is already a he/she Keanu cutout why not get a huge sun dress for Pronger as well?

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger penlies said...

Meg, are you the type that would correct my grammar on a date? God that's sexy. I should date more lawyers. I admit I used the wrong word, but at least I didn’t screw up a haiku or have “hijinks ensue”

 
At 2:10 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Taffy: Please tell me BCPhil will make an appearance in it as well.

Empress: Post the website for this "author." Please, in the name of all that is holy, POST THE WEBSITE. If this is the best of nine scripts, I can't even wrap my mind around how bad the others are. Please. I need this.

 
At 2:13 PM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

What do you mean "protect the author from ridicule"? You mean more ridicule than this?

I demand to read those first 20 pages! I demand to read those 8 others!

 
At 2:37 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Reg, not a fan of St. Louis either or Chris Pronger would be fine. I will go with Peter Forsberg. He has lovely blue eyes and is Swedish! I think he would look fabulous in the camo bikini that my character absolutely must wear. With bikininuts, of course.

Penlies, I wouldn't date you, so I guess you'll never know. Your loss.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Fat Chance said...

Perhaps, as ugly=smart, mispelling=genius. You know, a kind of savant thing going here.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

People-- if Empress won't tell us the site, I bet we can find out on our own [free-time-pending, I'm all out of it today]. Search for some of terms, maybe possible titles, I dunno, get creative. The information is out there for our amusement, people, we just have to get it.

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger penlies said...

No, it's ok, anal warts are only contagious during an outbreak, most of the time it's fine.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Rocksteady: Hold onto your socks, I just slid Rhys under the door. I'm pretty sure he's just script-dumb, and knows to go for the file cabinet or computer. If he gets all hung up on himself in the mirror, that's where BCPhil will come in. I'm sure he's got an Xtreme weapon that will slide under a door and either break the mirror (without causing bad luck to anyone) or drape Mr. Ifans in a lovely, yet quirky, sundress. Plus, BCPhil will look xtremely hot doing it as I'm sure he uses an xtreme tooth whitener.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Could we drape BCPhil in velvet? Please say we can.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I don't think BCPhil wears anything but velvet.

 
At 10:38 PM, Blogger crazed_writer said...

"a college professor and her journalist boyfriend stumble upon a plot to kill off competitors"

When i took Biology one of the required courses was "How to whack your competitors".

 
At 2:11 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

Assistant Atlas & others: when searching for the site, don't use the term "wilds of las vegas", whatever you do. The resulting matches may have gotten me fired.
(...) Nope, seems like my boss approves. Empress, take me away!

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger His Monkey Wife said...

The villains (an obsessed scientist and a corrupt stockbroker)...

I bet they hooked up at the Obsessed Scientists & Corrupt Stockbrokers mixer held down at the Financial District Research Labs every third Tuesday of the month. It's a great way to kick back, have a few drinks and just network with other evil schemers in your area.

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger kojled said...

sounds like a wacky comedy. maybe jerry lewis could come out of retirement

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger but_seriously said...

Couldn't find the Holy Grail of websites, but I did find this site of loglines. No place to rididule the authors. Damn!

http://www.screenwritershowcase.com/loglines.htm

 
At 5:15 AM, Blogger The Gambino Crime Family said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

But_Seriously: There are some hilariously bad log lines in there. If Empress & ManagerGuy ever run out of queries, they could totally steal some from that site. Some of my faves:

"Homo or" - Romantic Comedy
Kate is a young high-school student in her early teens who, because her parents are both male homosexuals, subconsciously also has doubts about her own sexual orientation. Add to that several random events, which combine to give her the false impression that she is a lesbian. A series of farcical episodes result as she tries to hide her homosexuality.

Neither PC nor comprehensible.

"Stealth...the stolen secret" - Action Spy Mystery
The closely guarded secrets of the U.S. Stealth Program is compromised when the military flight transporting the enciphered disk of the secret formula, mysteriously disappears from radar...leaving no trace of its existence.

They should've known the stealth program info would disappear. [okay, not that funny]

And finally...
"The Barber" - Drama/Comedy
A father's quest for redemption involves, a monster, aliens, cannibals, and a fist fight with the Angel of Death.

I just wanna know why it's called "The Barber". It's good that a fist fight with the Angel of Death is allowed to be both funny AND dramatic in this script.

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger HistoryofMorning said...

To AssistantAtlas -- regarding "Homo or":

I went to the screenplays site hoping you transcribed this one incorrectly, and, of course, you didn't. The girl does get the impression that she's a lesbian. It's a false impression though, meaning she's not homosexual ... but then she tries to hide her homosexuality anyway.

Since she's trying to hide homosexuality that doesn't exist (doesn't apply?), does that mean there aren't going to be any farcical episodes? If not, I still don't want to see the damn movie.

AssistantAtlas, am I reading it incorrectly or is there really no logic there? Either way I'm going to insist upon a vacation soon.

 
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At 7:09 PM, Blogger hassan said...

Hi :)

You have a great blog! Keep up the great work, and I'll be sure to visit regularly.

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Look forward to reading more of your insightful posts :)

 
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