Those pesky Jesuits, always sneaking around...
"Four Jesuit Priests kidnap a Columbia Philosophy Professor and a battle for a two thousand year-old scroll with a prophecy for mankind ensues.
Genre: Action / Thriller / Adventure
If someone gave you a manuscript and told you it would change your life . . . would you read it? What if it meant your life would be in grave danger? A two thousand year-old scroll has been discovered in southern Israel with a mysterious prophecy for Mankind. Those who read its translation gain Wisdom, but they pay the ultimate price . . . their lives. A disillusioned Philosophy Professor at Columbia University is estranged from his wife, drinking heavily and jaded from a lifetime of seeking answers to unanswerable questions. When he receives the scroll's translation from his boyhood friend, an archaelolgist, it arrives with a desperate plea for help. Before he has time to read it, members of a secret Jesuit Order known as The Knights Protectors arrive in Manhattan and kidnap him to protect him from the evil men out to harm him. Soon David learns that everyone who reads the scroll ends up dead. Who wrote the scroll? And what is its Prophecy?"
posted by The Empress @ 11:17 AM
122 comments
122 Comments:
the Prophecy? oh it's called the "kimchee" prophecy or some crap...i dunno some crap about a vampire with a soul or something...
So it's The Ring meets Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?
"but they pay the ultimate price..." $2.95. But only if you order now.
"If someone gave you a manuscript and told you it would change your life . . . would you read it? What if it meant your life would be in grave danger?"
Let me guess...Professor Three-Time Loser reads it?
Anyone else who has had an ass-ful of prophecy material, raise your hand.
AND if you call RIGHT NOW we will throw in the travel size prophesy scrap of paper AND the weather - predicting toilet paper.
This just proves that ignorance is bliss.
"Dear Dr. Brown, on the night that I go back in time, you will be shot by terrorists. Please take whatever precautions are necessary to prevent this terrible disaster. Your friend, Marty."
so, the driving dramatic thingamathing in this movie would be: 'Who wrote the scroll? And what is its Prophecy?"
who cares and what else is playing?
zilla
Dan Brown's gonna be pissed someone is trying to horn in on the killer priest /ancient prophecy story line.
And, who's David?
I don't know about you guys, but I've read about all the ancient secret/killer priest/religious thriller script queries I can stand.
One more, and I'm gonna go beat the shit out of Dan Brown with my Pica Pole of Death.
Well, um, I mean...if I *had* such a thing, which I most certainly do not.
Oh, bumpernuts.
The Knights Protectors? Do all secret jesuit orders have such lame names?
"A disillusioned Philosophy Professor at Columbia University is estranged from his wife, drinking heavily and jaded from a lifetime of seeking answers to unanswerable questions.
Well of course he is!
"Those who read its translation gain Wisdom, but they pay the ultimate price . . . their lives."
DUN DUN DUN.
I like how the author used elipses to highten the tension. It's a neat trick.
The Free Masons and the Knights Templurs aren't going to like this.
They don't take kindly to Jesuits horning in on their "protecting secret manuscripts with a dire prophacy" gig .
gwendemarco: "Anyone else who has had an ass-ful of prophecy material, raise your hand. "
OH ME! PICK ME!
"And what is its Prophecy?"
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!!!!
If he's disillusioned from chasing after unanswerable questions, then why the heck did he pursue philosophy as a career. I would think taking up a trade like plumbing would be more fulfilling, but then I tried the philosophy route too and it pretty much sucked.
Actually, the prophecy is that if you read the scroll you will die. You know...it's...recursive...oh never mind.
Whoops! Dan, I like your recursive prophecy better than mine.
BWeaves, it just goes to show that the plot was pretty thin to begin with if even I got it. Maybe some mysterious force is responsible for us both posting the same thing at the same time...wooooooo. It's a slow day at work today.
And the Jesuits are armed with XTREME WEAPONS, which is why only 4 of them had to go to this battle. They take on massive hordes of Nazi soldiers who have come forward in time to prevent the Jesuits from going back in time to kill Hitler before the rise of the 3rd Reich so that they would not be out of jobs even before they grew up which would happen if they let people who had read the scroll live.
Damn...I, didn't, use, enough, commas,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
i hope it's full of clever anagrams and text written in really-hard-to-decode backward English.
I really, really hate the word "ensues"...I mean, like, a lot..sort of like pulling off a fingernail with pliers...only worse. There are tons of other words that could be used in place of this evil word i.e. arise, occurs, and many more. I promise. Just ask me. Think of me as a walking thesaurus and please, for the love of humanity, don't use the word "ensues" again. Thank you.
Jesuit priests. So totally hot. I think I saw them at Bungalow 8 partying with the Olsens.
You guys know this is all Mel Gibson's fault!
"Southern Israel"?
What is this, The Dukes of Chazzerai? "Let's get into the General Lieberman and track down those Ay-rab moonshiners!" "Okay, Bo-beleh!" {Car horn plays "Hava Nagilah"}
The, ultimate, price, is... to suck off the Jesuites massive bumpernuts.
Then you die.
Even the Google ads have given up on this premise. They're only offering writing aids.
"If someone gave you a manuscript and told you it would change your life . . . would you read it?"
Dude, this happens every freaking day in my job. Sure, they aren't "archaelolgists" but hey, we can't have everything.
On second thought....can I get a copy of this scroll? I would love to put it on weekend read at some of the agencies. Thanks.
You die by reading the translation too? That must be a pretty good translation of a 2000yr old piece of paper. It must also be slow to kill since the friend had time to translate, write a desperate plea for help, and go to the local post office and mail the thing.
Since it's not a videotape like in The Ring, I suppose you don't get a phone call telling you you're going to die. Must be a messenger on a horse or something. Not nearly as creepy and you'd see him coming.
Dear Disillusioned Philosophy Professor,
Help, please! You are the only one who can save me from this mysterious cursed translation! The original is OK to read after several stiff drinks. DO NOT read the enclosed translation....or the prophecy says that evil men and michael knight's protectors will ballerblock you in manhattan.
Cheers,
Boyhood Friend/Archeologist
P.S. Thank you for sending the DVD of your daughter's bat mitzvah - I wish I could have attended, but what, with this cursed scroll and all.
ooooo...I'm just not gonna gain wisdom...
I'm gonna gain Wisdom, with a capital 'w'.
oogabooga
I can see the ending...
The devils comment:
I would have got away with it too if it wasn't for those pesky Jesuits...
And their professor... Who is drunk...
In the corner...
Circle five for you me thinks...
Katwoman: Amen.
Gwendemarco: Raisin' 'em both high.
And regarding the query: Why are we always being presented with all these questions? Why do I have to answer them? Isn't that the responsibility of the writer (and I use that term loosely) to tell ME what's going on in the script?
Dammit, now I'm cranky.
Oh, and one more thing: Obviously, a college student was unavailable to solve this little mystery for us. It was time to turn to the drunk professors.
'Most NPC Knight Protectors in modern-day Farland defend the Order's last outpost at the Borderhold, but a select few wander freely in the old kingdom, fighting evil and spreading a message of hope wherever they can. These Knights-Errant also recruit new members and guide fugitives from the Lord of Anger's justice to places of safety. Fighters and paladins are the most common types of warriors drawn to the Order's banner, but some clerics and rangers serve as well. Barbarians, druids, monks, and rogues are rarely accepted into the Order, and sorcerers and wizards never are (the Knights distrust arcane magic). A few bards are members many of the Knights-Errant come from such a background. Almost all Knight Protectors are human.'
And you get 10 points when you kill them!
P.S. Don't ask how I know this.....I just do.
katwoman - On second thought, "High jinx arise" or "High jinx occur" really doesn't have the same ring to it...
I thought I heard the tell-tale rattle of twelve-sided die around here somewhere...
I think this would be cool if you replaced the Jesuits with Hindus. No one ever makes a prophecy movie with Hindus. Or Quakers, that would be a rocking action movie.
working title: "The Dead See Scrolls!"
WRITER: (opening a rejection letter) What? There was a book about a secret society of Knights protecting a religious secret? Damn! Guess I'll work on my script about talking vaginas.
Mystery Solved: Story at 11.
A previously exalted scroll containing a prophesy heralded to answer many of man's woes and carry mankind into a new age has been attributed to its rightful author:
James Redfield.
* * *
Just another sorry-assed attempt at pompous spiritual posturing. If I hear of one more goddamned Celestine Prophecy ripoff--and the first one wasn't that good in the first place--I'm gonna brew up a goddamned batch of Kool-Aid for every single one of those writers.
SPECIAL Kool-Aid. With additives to deliver you right into the hands of the Divine.
Some call it "Cyanide", but me, I call it "The Jonestown Special"
Read me and weep.
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful scroll.
That started from Columbia U,
ensuing a prophecy and a brawl.
Their trip took ground on Southern Israel,
(an unknown land we know well)
with Four Jesuits, their Prior too,
the Philosopher, and his Wife,
the Archeologist,
the Professor--and, do you realize
this is all fault of Gibson, Mel?
This was better done in the first season of Monty Python in the sketch, "The World's Funniest Joke." You die if you hear the joke and it was used as a weapon against the Nazis. Same premise but funnier with John Cleese and company.
"When he receives the scroll's translation from his boyhood friend, an archaelolgist"
And what the heck is an "archaeLOLgist" anyway? Someone who digs things up and Laughs Out Loud at them?
Archaelolgist #1:
Dude, look at this scroll! HA HA
Wooo, whoever reads it is gonna die! HA HA
Archaelolgist #2:
Dude, let's send it to the guy that used to beat me up in the playground!
Archaelolgist #1:
Oh man, that's gonna be a classic!
writer who capitalizes Wisdom and Philosophy Professor but fails to accord Drinking Heavily such emphasis...he is unworthy to Receive the Scroll.
"Grave danger?"
"Is there another kind?"
Jack Nicholson fuckin' rocks.
Oooo... a ancient prophecy that kills! Why the hell am I wasting my time with the Necronomicon again?
Oh yeah... one is actually more believable than this tripe.
LOGLINE: dejected screenwriter crafts a script that's so bad it kills whoever reads it. sends to agents that refused to rep him
zilla
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Cheapo said...
"oh it's called the "kimchee" prophecy or some crap...i dunno some crap about a vampire with a soul or something..."
yes yes yes! and the way to find the prophecy is by talking to the fast food, drive-through burger!
Some nice friend...
"hey dave, got this great translation in the mail the other day, but unfortunately it means i'm going to die. with my newfound WISDOM, i'm going to send it along to you to read and die to."
hehe that'll get that sucker back for stealing my girlfriend in 8th grade!
Four Jesuit Priests kidnap a Columbia Philosophy Professor and a battle for a two thousand year-old scroll with a prophecy for mankind ensues.
I know Fordham (a Jesuit institution) and Columbia have built a nice little football rivalry the past few years, but isn't this taking things a bit too far? Is this retaliation for some Columbia students kidnapping Fordham's ram?
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