Monday, May 09, 2005

Oooh, I hope this one is autobiographical!

"'A troubled young man travels back in time to rescue his younger self from his abusive mother.'

Genre: Supernatural Drama

Siggy lives alone in a shack in the deep woods with his three-legged cat, Pescatore. Siggy's nightmares about his abusive childhood are getting worse as he struggles to find his place in a cruel world."

91 Comments:

At 10:06 AM, Blogger SpaceMonkey said...

Bumper Nuts

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Given that he lives alone in a shack in the middle of nowhere, exactly how does he travel back in time?

No electricity. No time machine. No Hitler (well, maybe mom counts as Ms. Hitler).

I have a title: Deliverance 2: The Jewish Mother.

Who else would name their kid Siggy in this day and age?

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Mix Tu'ux said...

How exactly does being a backwood hick get you first in line for trying out the new time machine?

And anyway, aren't people who live in shacks in the deep woods normally technophobes?

My own title suggestion: The Unabomber Goes to MIT

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger Hinelasia said...

Don't you remember? All you need to travel through time is chest hair, which Siggy probably has in abundance. No, wait, that might only work if you're going FORWARD in time. Maybe going BACK in time requires a three-legged cat. I don't know; all this quantum physics stuff is a little complicated for me.

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

Stupid redneck hick is going to cause a paradox and blow up the universe! Unless going back in time means consuming vast quantities of moonshine.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Thurston said...

There's a three legged cat involved. Heisenberg's uncertainty principle comes into play at the moment when the cat loses it's leg, but before the cat is aware it has lost it's leg. In that split instance, the whole universe is an uncollapsed waveform. Anyone can do anything at that poing.

Schroedinger says so.

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger penlies said...

I think Pescatore that cat should talk and deliver one liners. Played by Chris Rock or Bearnie Mack. Lots of laugh tracks too, you don't get enough laugh tracks in major motion pictures.

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger * said...

Just get the guy some counseling. No need to travel back in time. Would probably cost less, too.

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Space Shark said...

Hum, I wonder if this author is a cat person.

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

"Hey Siggy, how come your cat only got 3 legs?"

"Well that's one great cat. It can make me time travel. You don't eat a cat like that all at once."

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger katwoman79 said...

"Let's do the time warp daaaance!"

Do you suppose it's harder to do the time warp dance and save your abused younger self if you have a three legged cat...or is the cat like a good luck charm? Hmm...one more question about the universe I need to solve before I die....oh yeah.

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Slingblade II

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Oh God, have you seen the ads?

Buy 3 legged Frog statues for Feng Shui.

Geez!

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger christmas59 said...

A hillbilly traveling back in time? That's redundant.

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger Hbarr said...

This sounds like "Evil Dead" meets "Back to the Future."

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

I think this was what The Empress barfed after reading the last one...

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Slimey8 said...

Maybe the guy licks the back of some toads he finds in the woods and goes through a whole psycedelic trip back in time. I'd watch that.

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Siggy, become a Hollywood agent. See, that way you are rewarded for your stunted emotional growth, anger, lack of intimacy, poor life choices and desire to fuck over the rest of the world.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

What kind of cruel, abusive fiend is capable of fathoming such a name as "Pescatore"?

 
At 2:52 PM, Blogger Sidhedevil said...

Is it really a cat? Or a "fisher cat" (a/k/a "black marmot" {Martes penanti}) as its name might indicate? That's more interesting than the rest of the query.

These "time travel" queries give me the worst earworm of the Back to the Future theme, too. "Gotta go BACK in ti-yimmmmmmmm! Gotta go BACK in ti-yimmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger COLOfilm said...

Actually the real reason Pescatore travels back in time is to kill the man who shot his paw.

Working Title: Puss in Boot

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

I thought I saw a three-legged llama yesterday. It was with great disappointment that I saw it was wrong.

I was thinking what a great example of leverage defying all odds it would be to see a three-legged llama balancing itself on a grassy slope as it noshed on grass.

But no. It had four legs.

If PETA finds this shit out, they're gonna want that membership card back.

Damn.

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At 4:00 PM, Blogger crazed_writer said...

Time travel is theoretically possible. All you have to do is stand still for a minute and you'll be moved forwards in time 60 seconds.

Not quite as glamourous as a Delorean or a rotating cylander of infinite length and mass, but it gets the job done.

 
At 5:54 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I time traveled all afternoon on my couch. Unfortunately, the excruciating pain I was trying to get away from was a complete hanger-on. I tried to let it down gently, as it seems to be a great fan of mine. I said, "There's a famous fellow by the name of Oscar Meyer in the fridge, why don't you go ask for his autograph?" But it wasn't buying any of it so I finally had to resort to the lowly restraining order.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger Sponky said...

This sounds like a total rip off of "The Butterfly Effect".

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger london cokehead said...

Surely though , that would upset the fabric of time , so that if he saved himself from his past he wouldn't actually need to be saved because there would be nothing he would need saving from or maybe's the paradox would cause another galaxy ,far far away....

Something like that ???

Alrighty !!!!

And just cos you live in a shack doesn't mean you can't own a time machine like the rest of us ... Now now people !!

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger Peggy Archer said...

"Hey Siggy, how come your cat only got 3 legs?"

"Well that's one great cat. It can make me time travel. You don't eat a cat like that all at once."


I was going to post something, but this is genius.
I laughed so hard that tears ran down my face.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger munkee_king said...

Sunofabitch stole my idea.

 
At 10:53 PM, Blogger Assistant Atlas said...

I can't believe how much I enjoy your blog. I'm wasting/spending/loving all of my time reading your archives when Sloane doesn't have me breaking my back holding up the world. Thanks so much for your continued existence. And I pray that our efforts at telling the world about our experiences will somehow make it better. Or at least convince Bubba in South Carolina that his "angels versus the demons" story does not have a snowball's chance in a Florida summer of making it in HollyHell. Anyways. . . good luck with that.
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At 2:10 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

Feng Shui Money Frogs?

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger Meg said...

A three legged cat named Pescatore? What. The. Fuck.

I really like the google ad that says Find Three Legged Toad and Save on EBAY. Brilliant!

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger Meg said...

We do enjoy our time machines down here in the South. Also Bumpernuts.

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger haz_bear1 said...

"Surely though , that would upset the fabric of time , so that if he saved himself from his past he wouldn't actually need to be saved because there would be nothing he would need saving from..."

So lets get this right. If he goes back and stops his mum abusing him then he won't have anything to go back for so therefore he won't go back which means his mum will abuse him, so he goes back...?

Hmmmm. My brain hurts. And I've just realised how long that sentence was.

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger anders3000 said...

This is pure genius. I can’t wait to see the trailers. Yes sir. Best thing I’ve read…..Whoa….Now let me time travel back into reality.

About the only thing that could save this is if Siggy and Pescatore’s DNA get spliced during the time travel event. Look out abusive Mom. Sigatore is coming to get you.

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger The Visitor said...

now, this could work: change the abusive mother to an abusive mother-in-law.

because "MOTHER-IN-LAW" is an anagram for "WOMAN HITLER."

thus, we would have time-travelling and Hitler.

PERFECT!

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

I think it could be ok if he touched the script up a bit...

1.) Rename Pescatore .. which isn't that bad of a name for a cat .. to Battlecat.

2.) Mount Battlecat and ride her back in time..just like He Man would do.

3.) Defeat Skeletor..i know the 3rd point is obvious but it needs to be said.

 
At 11:15 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

Blog Ho: You forgot the XTREME WEAPONS

Anders3000: Pescaggy?

The Visitor: Hitler had a sex change?

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger RockSteady said...

W.W.P.D?
What Would Pescatore Do?

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger kojled said...

so. what? 'mommy, quit beating me up'!

zilla

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

I, for one, feel that this script is long overdue. Time-travelling hillbillies have been ignored and marginalized by Hollywood for far too long. And Patrick Swayze could use the work.

Finally, special thanks to The Visitor. Your anagram skills have done more for my understanding of my ex-husband's mother than years of therapy.

It's all so clear now...

 
At 5:11 AM, Blogger haz_bear1 said...

3.) Defeat Skeletor..

Nice one blog ho, I nearly offended a customer by laughing outloud down the phone as I read this.

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger LetsJpn said...

And anyway, aren't people who live in shacks in the deep woods normally technophobes?

That eccentric guy in The Core lived in a shack in the desert yet built an earth-penetrating machine even the Pentagon couldn't make.

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger franklymrshankly said...

Wouldn't the best solution to the time-travel-to-help-abused-younger-self issue be to travel back to a point in time prior to conception? No birth, no abuse, no problems! And best of all, no crappy script!

 
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