Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Can you survive the lack of appropriate punctuation.

"A thirty-something loser's bad luck and poor decision making are reaching legendary status. Now after an ultimatum from his parents to find job; can he survive a hitwoman, a street gang, a man eating lion, a postal inspector's advances, working for his older brother, and his own misjudgements long enough to pay his rent."

117 Comments:

At 10:06 AM, Blogger katwoman79 said...

Nope.

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

Is this a trick question?

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger snow-cap said...

I hate it when my parents give me ultimatums to find Job. He's always under the couch cushions or some shit.

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"A thirty-something loser's bad luck and poor decision making are reaching legendary status."

Sounds like every executive at Paramount.

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger 20/20 Blog Master said...

The "man eating lion" part is pure "eats shoots and leaves". This is why hyphens are important, folks! Seriously. Use hyphens.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger domino said...

The scary part is this is probably this poor schmucks reality.

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Based on the writer's real life, except for the gang, hit woman, lion, etc. which he hallucinated while on drugs.

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger stacysom said...

I'm wondering just how bad the luck and how poor the decision making would have to be to make this thirty-something's status legendary ... I'm hoping he survives the hitwoman, the street gang, the man eating the lion, his older brother AND his misjudg(e)ments, but is done in by the postal inspector's advances. Because really? Who doesn't want to see that death scene?

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

This query wins Most Original Use of a Semicolon in a Query Letter.

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

I have no response to this query.

But I'm a little concerned about the replacement of the Blue Haired Chick's "Get Some" ad with an ad for Nickelodeon. What the hell?

I'll tell you this much though...they'll get the Bumper Nuts ad when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. Metaphorically speaking.

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger Abrasive Entertainment said...

i misread that as "a man eating a lion".

i think that would've been a better idea.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger Meg said...

If he has to pay rent already, why does he give a shit what his parents say about his jobless status? I'm probably overthinking this.

Why are assassins always women in these queries? Does it fulfill some male fantasy? If there are two of them is that better?

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger BlackCapricorn said...

How is working for your brother the same as being pursued by a hitman? Clearly by someone who doesn't have a job like this writer. I hate biographies.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Meg said...

I would also like to say fuck Pete and Pete from Nickelodian! Bring back Get Some Tonight blue haried girl or, better yet, Seven Windows Chick. We miss you, ladies!!

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

If you change the lion to a scientifically modified fresh water shark, it might work.

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger but_seriously said...

Surely 'You Can't Do That on Television' would sell more DVDs than Pete & Pete.

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger anders3000 said...

"Why are assassins always women in these queries? Does it fulfill some male fantasy? If there are two of them is that better?"

Yes as long as the assassins look like Mrs. Peel.

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger His Monkey Wife said...

"Why are assassins always women in these queries? Does it fulfill some male fantasy? If there are two of them is that better?"

Yes and yes. It's a leather fantasy thing.

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I think this guy lives in my neighborhood––his "misjudgements" being that no one can see him because he only wears camouflage and that only taking an Elite Taxi everywhere makes him a Lord. So, therefore, he shouldn't need to work or pay rent, as he is invisible and above it all anyway.

Personally, I would like to take a stab at surviving the advances of anyone dressed as a postal inspector.

And finally, given the situation with the grammar, could it say "man eating loin?"

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

I think he put the period in by accident. This entire query should have been one sentence.

Stacysom: I also vote for death by the postal inspector's advances. That would be cool!!!!

What about the ad for the art of undressing...? It's gone too.

What is Podcasting and why would I want to do it?

The blue haired Wanna Date chick would probably sell more DVDs than Pete and Pete.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger StephTexas1976 said...

It's that postal inspector that really adds that zany twist don't you think?

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Janey62 said...

Can he survive the grammar check on his Word program?

 
At 12:04 PM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Does anyone else think that the Podcaster looks like an electronic bong?

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Shhhh! Meg! Ixnay on the assassinsay alktay. We don't want the enmay to catch on to our our real identities.

My apologies to all native speakers of Pig Latin. I'm not fluent in the language.

 
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At 12:45 PM, Blogger penlies said...

I was going to say something about a postal inspector's package too but I thought I'd spare everyone.

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Meg: Ladies? We need a definition check.

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Thank goodness we still have bumper nuts to hang on to.


That came out totally gay and wrong.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

See, Reg. Now you see why I phrased my post ever so carefully.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Meg said...

"Meg: Ladies? We need a definition check."

I think I am being overly sensitive today. Haven't killed (woops, sorry 'Stang) I mean, sued anyone today. Reg, did this mean to be insulting or was it accidental?

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Bweaves, that Podcaster looks like something familiar...but it ain't a bong.

Too many Petes on this page for anything good to happen.

DeMarco out.

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Sorry Meg....Here's what was meant to go in above my comment:

"Bring back Get Some Tonight blue haried girl or, better yet, Seven Windows Chick. We miss you, ladies!!"

The comment being that referring to these two women as "Ladies" might stretch the definition of the term.

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Tourette Spice said...

Is this about George W. Bush? Roman à clef from Laura...

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Nah, sounds more like A Legend Among Distillers, Teddy Kennedy.

 
At 2:38 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Ok Reg, I forgive you. I know we mourn together.

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Dan said...

What I want to know is why the dude is worrying about paying his rent with all this other stuff going on. I think rent would be the least of my worries in this case.

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger scribe called steff said...

Loser struggles to overcome challenges while paying rent.

Hmm. Sounds like me and all my friends.

Where's my 7-figure budget, huh? I'm funny, engaging, and I'm loaded with strife.

Oh, right. I remember. We live this shit. We don't care to watch it.

So then I got this idea about a neighbour breeding these giant spiders when someone spills "Miracle Gro" and...

The Last Ditch.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

I feel kind of bad for the street gang that he thwarts. How will they look at themselves in the morning when they've realized a 30-something with loser's luck and...what else was it...ah, yes..poor decision making of some legendary status. They'll surely split up. Go their own ways. Get real jobs, etc. It's very sad, really.

 
At 6:09 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

Plot-O-Matic to the rescue:


Slacker of My Loin
an original screenplay concept
by Someone who can't follow simple instructions.

Action: An antisocial loner teams up with a well-built female cyborg to win a wager. In the process they fall in love with Parker Posey. By the end of the movie they run away from 30-something bad guys and end up winning the admiration of their parents, living happily ever after.
Think Clerks meets Dr. Phil.

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger crazed_writer said...

"A thirty-something loser's bad luck and poor decision making are reaching legendary status."

It's about time i got some recognition!

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

"A thirty-something loser's bad luck and poor decision making are reaching legendary status."

Now playing: Ben Affleck, A Biography.

 
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must, be from. kEntucky;

 
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