Monday, April 18, 2005

Way to rip off Da Vinci Code, dude.

"This is a spiritual action adventure story. An ancient journal is found buried deep in a New Mexico cave. The discovery leads a reluctant anthropologist on a quest to find a truth long buried and a secret long held. He will get help along the way from a Russian smuggler looking for salvation and a beautiful, rich heiress looking for validation. The Vatican will try to stop them, the Chinese Army will try to kill them, but their greatest obstacle will be overcoming their own failings. Only by working together can these three loners hope to overcome their enemies and themselves and uncover Christendom's supreme secret."


At 10:09 AM, Blogger His Monkey Wife said...

Do you suppose there was a ferocious bunny rabbit guarding the New Mexico cave? As long as we're trying to stay within the Holy Quest genre...might as well steal from the best.

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Lobsterchick said...

I think their biggest obstacle is lousy writing.

At 10:37 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Holy shit (ha!), what kind of failings must they have they are harder to overcome than the Chinese Army AND the Vatican? If only they also battled Martha Stewart, I would go see it.

At 10:38 AM, Blogger Meg said...

I think the Russian smuggler is trying to get his hands on our Sasquatch.

"The average Ruskie don't take a dump without a plan." (Hunt for Red October)

At 10:42 AM, Blogger Carl said...

Is Christendom's supreme secret...42...?

Just a guess.

At 10:57 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I thought we only hid alien artifacts in New Mexico. Is the religious stuff in area 52?

At 11:01 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

"Indiana Jones and the Cave in New Mexico" doesn't exactly have quite the same ring to it as "Lost Ark" or "Temple of Doom".

At 11:15 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

How did it get in New Mexico? Did Moses part the Atlantic or did Jesus walk there?

At 11:22 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Sharpie: Aliens brought it there.

At 11:32 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

A beautiful, rich heiress looking for validation? 3 loners?

Paris Hilton doesn't exactly strike me as a loner. "Hi, can you validate my parking ticket so I don't have to pay?"

And what exactly is a reluctant anthropologist? "Hi, I really don't want to be an anthropologist, but I happen to be in a cave digging really deep in New Mexico."

At 11:39 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Speaking of aliens, anyone who hasn't checked out is really missing out. Check out "The Shining in 30 seconds as portrayed by bunnies". They also do Jaws, Titanic, and several others.

At 11:57 AM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

How does someone become a "reluctant anthropologist"?

"Damn, I was jogging through the Gobi desert--as I always do before breakfast--when I accidentally dug a 200 feet hole and found--stuck to the sole of my shoe--a pithecanthropus-erectus skeleton that may change the whole paradigm of evolution. Shit! I mean, why do I always get involved into this kind of crap?"

At 11:58 AM, Blogger classymac said...

Spiritual action adventure story? What an exciting new genre!

"Only by working together can these three loners hope to overcome their enemies and themselves and uncover Christendom's supreme secret."

I can't get anyone to agree on where to have lunch. Good luck with that one buddy.

At 12:27 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

"CONCLAVE - The Movie"

The Vatican doesn't want us to know and the Chinese Army has nothing better to do.

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Jason B. said...

The sad part is that he was working on this script back in 1998.

Now down to business, has anybody seen Mr. FTL Blog? That was my favorite post yet. Can we offer ice cream to get him back?

At 1:51 PM, Blogger afterart said...

a hallmark production - set in North Korea- nah. Pass the painkiller.

At 1:55 PM, Blogger SpaceMonkey said...

I'd rather wear a pair of bumper nuts on my chin in church than go see this film.

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Meg said...

rabikubota: I would go in on a set of Bumper Nuts to get FTLB to come back.

Or, perhaps we can offer the sight of Spacemonkey in Church with Bumpernuts on his chin.

At 10:53 PM, Blogger Peggy Archer said...


Although I did laugh at the "bumper nuts on my chin in church" comment.

At 7:18 AM, Blogger london cokehead said...

Nothing to see here , move swiftly along please !!!!!

P.S. what the fuck's a bumpernut ??????

At 8:04 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

Hey Diary! Take a look at the ads on the right side of the page.
How can you miss the Bumpernuts!

Bladestorm! Yes we do, but the query writer doesn't, so we go with his flow.

At 8:30 AM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

Hey, Bladestorm, please iluminate us. Which one will unearth and study the skeleton of a a pithecanthropus erectus, an anthropologist or an archeologist? (hint: a pithecanthropus erectus is NOT an artifact from an ancient civilization).

At 9:02 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:25 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

Gee, that's a tough one...I will have to go into hiding for the rest of my life while I think about it. The problem is that a paleontologist also discovered a pithecanthropus erectus and that wasn't one of the choices. Thanks for the hint, I will examine that avenue carefully.

At 12:19 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

Wow...if the Vatican is actually in league with the Chinese army, then a lot of the stuff I experienced in parochial school suddenly makes more sense.

But if the supreme secret of Christendom is in New Mexico, then that means that the Mormons have been on the right track all along.

Just to cover all my sprititual bases, I'm sending off for that free book from the Latter Day Saints today. I want to be ready when the Chinese Vatican people show up.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger 'Bitchen' Ric said...

Sounds like the Celestine Prophesy to me.

At 1:05 AM, Blogger Ned said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:06 AM, Blogger Ned said...

For the record, this is also a rip-off of the "Celestine Prophecies" to some extent, at least the plots sound damn close to me.

And, for the record, "The Celestine Prophecy" is probably the most rancid piece of horseshit new-age "literature" ever written, much less published. Pretentious, moronic, asinine drivel that offends humanity by purporting to enlighten us all with it's brain dead message, but if that is the case then we're all too dumb to live and we should thus, as a species, go ahead and consider commiting mass suicide to rid the universe of our presence... Ah, if only we had the capacity to consider anything at all! What a conundrum, I think I'll write a movie about it.

So, in conclusion, the fact that this guy is borrowing from the "Celestine" crap is a terrible, terrible thing, and could only result in a cinematic abomination.

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