Monday, April 25, 2005

There was this guy I went to school with who always wore headphones so he wouldn't have to talk to anyone. They weren't plugged in.

"The idea of hearing the noises terrified him. The violent, shrill sounds his father said, a corpse emits during cremation. That's why our hero always wore his earphones. However, when someone he loves is brutally murdered, he takes a chance and cremates the body without his earphones hoping that what he hears will reveal who the killer is and not drive him insane. What he discovers shatters everything he believed in and trusted."

38 Comments:

At 5:54 PM, Blogger quicksilverlining said...

you'd have to be insane already to write this drivel. maybe the writer wasn't wearing his headphones when they cremated his other queries?

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger Hinelasia said...

You know, I'm all for taking a walk on the wild side now and then, but when it comes to toying with insanity and the shattering of everything I believe in and trust, I usually leave the music on and get my thrills by crossing after the orange hand has started flashing. On the other hand, no pain, no gain.

 
At 7:31 PM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Well. They'll just let anyone cremate a body these days, won't they?

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger crazed_writer said...

He discovers that she wasn't quite dead, and that no one he cremated was dead. They were all screaming, his dad's a serial killer.

If only it had some Jewish guy going into a dimly lit sexual underworld...

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger Copesan said...

"What he discovers shatters everything he believed in and trusted:"

Turns out he's cremated like 6 people who were still alive because he couldn't hear them banging on the coffin with his damn headphones. Screwed up, man.

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"The violent, shrill sounds his father said, a corpse emits during cremation."

Gee, sounds kind of like the violent, shrill sounds I make when, I see improper comma placement....or come across a little gem, of a "sentence" like this:

"However, when someone he loves is brutally murdered, he takes a chance and cremates the body without his earphones hoping that what he hears will reveal who the killer is and not drive him insane."

 
At 10:09 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

White Noise meets Cooking Under Fire.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Wing Chun said...

Improper comma placement huh?

shelley123 wrote:

"Honestly, when I first, read the title I thought, it said ANAL FUNG."


"...shrill sounds I make when, I see improper comma..."

Ouch. How's that glass house?

 
At 11:42 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

It, was a joke: Sheesh.

 
At 2:24 AM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

"What he discovers shatters everything he believed in and trusted."

In other words, there are no noises and his father is a wacko.

THE END

 
At 2:59 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

Don't you just hate it when your father "says" sounds? It's so much preferable (even with headphones) when he says the actual words. I did enjoy the emitting corpse, though.

 
At 3:11 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

Oh. Now I get it. Damn those pesky misplaced commas.

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger The Visitor said...

now, what i wana know is, how the fuck does he know the "sounds" will reveal who the killer is?

now, if this film were about a guy whose farts reveal the identities of most-wanted killers, i'd watch it.

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

"...hoping that what he hears will reveal who the killer is. What he discovers shatters everything he believed in and trusted."

"Snap, crackle, pop? Damn you, Rice-Krispies elves, damn you to Hell!"

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Bladestorm said...

If he was so afraid of hearing noise and always wore headphones it would mean that he was in love with someone that he had never actually spoken with. I guess actions speak louder than words.

 
At 6:19 AM, Blogger Meg said...

"cremates the body without his earphones"

Well, I hope he wouldn't waste a perfectly good set of headphones by cremating them WITH the body.

I hate it when my father says violent shrill sounds.

I didn't know corpses emitted sounds. Is it kind of like the lobster when you put it in the boiling water?

 
At 6:52 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

His dad cremated bodies with fire,
"They make sounds, son" said the sire,
The son takes a chance
And flames a romance,
And finds out that dad was a liar.

 
At 6:53 AM, Blogger Amazing Ben said...

If this guy is so terrified of hearing noises, why doesn't he wear earplugs instead of headphones? Is his paranoia only limited to shrieking corpses and not shrieking pop musicians?

If that's the case, he should probably just forget the headphones and stay away from the crematoriums. I've been around for 25 years and have been relatively successful in the avoidance of shrieking corpses. Just a thought.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

I'm with crazed_writer: Bring on the dark sexual underworld. And possibly go back in time and cremate Hitler? Unless his Dad is actually.... nah, it's just too gruesome.

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger berimbau-player said...

This idea, well. I am not sure how somone could have an idea THIS bad.

 
At 7:44 AM, Blogger James said...

Tru Calling v.2

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger jonanster said...

hey, that's one queer story.. hehe.. creepy but likeable.. ei.. pass by my site sometime..
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ciao!

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger snow-cap said...

Unless the father and son run a funeral home "Six Feet Under" style, why the hell is this guy so worried about hearing the violent screeching of corpses being cremated? Is he being followed around by a crematorium on wheels or something?

 
At 8:25 AM, Blogger Blog ho said...

everyone's brutally murdered, these days. no one is ... gently murdered. if i get murdered i hope it's gently. a soft kiss, a blow job, then the murder.

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger katwoman79 said...

So that's why that fucker that comes in to buy espresso all the time leaves on his damn earphones while he orders...I always wondered. Mystery solved!

Also, if anyone knows what type of earphones this guy has can you let me know? I mean, if they block out the screaches of the burning dead, they'd be perfect for me when I work out at the gym!

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

They can have the brother from "There's Something About Mary" play the lead.

 
At 9:31 AM, Blogger buster said...

"The violent, shrill sounds his father said, a corpse emits during cremation."

OMIGOD IT HURTS! IT HURTS! I'M BURNING...JESUS CHRIST I'M BURNING ALIVE. SOMEONE HELP ME! I'M NOT DEAD! HELP ME! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

kinda like that right?

crap.

 
At 9:43 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

So I guess Lobsterfest at the LJS's is out then too?

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger The Ruler said...

I told you people not to toy with cremation! Some Universes never listen.

This was God

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

Ooh! One of the corpses could be played by Bill Pullman!

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger hizzy35 said...

Forgot to mention the guy wore noseplugs in addition to the headphones when burning that damn Sasquatch.

He didn't wear the headphones when he burninated the son of Sasquatch.

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger jay said...

"What he discovers shatters everything he believed in and trusted:"

Dark Side of the Moon also synces up perfectly with a corpse burning.

 
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