Thursday, April 07, 2005

So what you are saying is that men are pigs and we are better off without 'em?

"An incurable romantic and a TV soap writer, collide with each other years after their disastrous break-up.

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Fate brings these two people together again, years after they split up. She has released a pop-psychology book while moonlighting on her romantic comedy script, and he is a TV soap writer. He becomes convinced they should give their romance another go, but the reluctant author agrees to a trial friendship. Not long after, she begins to realize that their private conversations are turning up in his soap, "Young Hearts". Just when she starts to think that her bodyguard doll, Harold, mightn't be the only reliable man in the world and there's hope for a reunion with her ex, she's bitterly disappointed by him again."

42 Comments:

At 10:10 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Mightn't there ever be a movie where women make smart life choices?

They collide? With their cars?

There's 20 seconds I'll never get back.

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"mightn't"......MIGHTN'T?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Carl said...

Why does she have a bodyguard doll? Why not a real bodyguard?

But why even that? All she did was write a psychology book.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Slimey8 said...

Can I ask what a bodyguard doll is? Am I the only one that wants to know more about that than the rest of the script?

It's "soap dish" meets "someone like you". And I only watched someone like you because it had Hugh Jackman! Sucky movie, but hot guy.

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

STARRING: The author of the query letter as the author of the romantic comedy script.

She's bitterly disappointed by who? The bodyguard doll, Harold, or the TV soap writer? Or are they all the same guy? And if not, does the doll come with batteries?

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Incurable piece of crap

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

This is what happens when you get a bodyguard named "Harold."

On the bidding front. The bad news: I didn't got the rights to "Internal Pressure." Doughnut-boy accepted my 25 cents but just for the first scene (where the guy eats a doughnut and gets offed immediately).
The good news: I bought the scene and, after 10 minutes of quering managers, I already have representation. Krispy Kreme is showing tremendous interest and seems like I'm going to make seven figures.
Who says the system doesn't work?

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Thurston said...

this should be good for a laugh. thought I'd share.

http://leegoldberg.typepad.com/a_writers_life/2005/04/the_name_is_car.html

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger RockSteady said...

Wait... wait, what? I'm dizzy from this query.

Mightn't we get Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan to reunite for this one, though?

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Bodyguard Doll? What the fuck is that? And why is its name Harold for Christ's sake?

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Cheapo said...

I imagine she'll find solace in the arms of Mr. Hostess, Mr. Hagan-Daas and Chief Boyardee

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger Meg said...

So she wrote a romantic comedy script which apparently nothing happened with and, while moonlighting as a book writer, wrote a book and got it published? Oh, who gives a shit?

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger isolde said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger isolde said...

Hmm, I'm picturing Sallie Field and Kevin Kline. Can't imagine why.

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I want to hear more about that soap. "Young Hearts" sounds steamy.

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Carl said...

"Just when she starts to think...there's hope for a reunion with her ex, she's bitterly disappointed by him again."

Might I ask how this is either romantic or a comedy?

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger RogerRmjet said...

Ah, the comma, that most vexing of all punctuation marks.

I'm wondering if the bodyguard doll is anything like a voodoo doll. Or is this part of the Barbie line? Can you buy Malibu Ken and Bodyguard Harold as a set? Does Bodyguard Harold come with any weapons or just a cell phone?

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Slimey8 said...

AHAHAHAHA! Good one Bugmenot!

I love it when he the guy says, "As an actor I play leads, I play me." Sheesh!

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Hey Slimey, I like it when he says that he is more croissant than Burger King.

You guys have GOT to check out the link posted above. Quotes like, "I am a renaissance man on the leading edge of his masculinity" await you. Priceless.

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger Mustang Sally said...

If the bodygurad doll were anatomically correct, she wouldn't need the hack writer.

Now THAT'S a movie...

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Meg,

I would love to ask this guy to explain his position on the crossanwich.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Blog ho said...

ok...so who's the incurable romantic and who's the soap writer? I'm so confused. And why is she such a bitch, too? I mean...it's his job, ok? why does she try to demean him all the time? It seems so unfair.

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Reg, I think Britney Spears should write a song about this guy. "Not a Croissant, Not Yet a Whopper."

Don't you LOVE how he says that he appeals to both men AND women? All that and humble too! Sign me up!

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I am a little worried about what "frontier notions of what it means to be a man" might imply. I looked on his website, johncarsone.com, but couldn't find any hints.

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Maybe it has something to do with the chain link fence. Do you suppose he's writing it from prison and is there for doling out some frontier justice?

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

That would certainly explain what he means when he claims to appeal to men and women.

 
At 2:05 PM, Blogger StephTexas1976 said...

Must use, as many, commas as, possible.....

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

I see him and her as the leads.

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger Torgo said...

Nothing says Romantic Comedy like bitter disappointment.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I just read Mr. Carsone's letter and I'm now ashamed to admit I'm Irish. Thank God all the Carsone's were either banished to Italy or forced to drop the 'E' and go to late night TV.

Mightn't his "increasingly expanding stature" have anything to do with his appeal to both men and women, or with that poster of himself posing 'mid-90s boy bandesque' that he's got tacked up on the ceiling over his bed?

I think with a nice set of bumper nuts and a muscle shirt that says 'Five8' across the front, he could play Harold. Stick the movie on the Lifetime Channel and watch the drama unfold as Johnny Carsone tries to decide which table to sit at during the Emmy's.

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger bumper_nuts said...

Poor John Carsone... I'm still stuck on what the piss "leading edge of masculinity" really means. I love it when people randomly string words and phrases together without any thought as to whether or not they actually make sense.

I think our heroine needs the catalog with the tiny-but-not-so-tiny vibrator. Then she can forsake Harold the doll and her crap-ass soap writer. Bet his parents are proud!

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger BethBlogs said...

Wow. Mightn't this be the most egregious use of passive language in the history of queries?

But hey, snaps for using Mightn't in a sentence. Your query sucks, but your use of made up words is really impressive. Tell us more about this, you querilicious writeria.

 
At 7:25 AM, Blogger James said...

"Just when she starts to think that her bodyguard doll, Harold, mightn't be the only reliable man in the world and there's hope for a reunion with her ex, she's bitterly disappointed by him again."

... when its revealed that her bodyguard doll is secretly involved in a gay romantic relationship with her ex! Hilarily and hijinks ensue!

 
At 1:40 AM, Blogger Brownie said...

'Harold' is probably an inflatable man doll very useful in the passenger seat of the car when women are driving home alone at night - they appear less vulnerable to potential attackers.
This 'her conversations with him are ending up as dialogue on his soap' reminds me that there was a real life thing where a woman sued a guy successfully for writing about their relationship after it broke up - they were English and I think they were shipwrecked...about 1993?

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

How original...Something's Gotta Give meets a soap opera. After all, the intelligent moviegoing community all love soaps don't they.

I don't even think Hitler and some sharks could spice this up enough to get me in the theater.

 
At 11:16 PM, Blogger jb68 said...

"She's released a pop psychology book"--Query Writers Who Submit Too Much

 
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