Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Jesus was a carpenter's son too, but he didn't mind being poor

"A carpenter's son who hates being poor finds a way to corner the US diamond market by smuggling Brazilian stones."

35 Comments:

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Space Shark said...

I also hate being poor. I have a garden full of American stones, perhaps I can corner the Brazillian dimond market.

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger Meg said...

"And that, my son, is how I came to be the Seven Windows Chick."

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger GobiasInc said...

Stupid poor people. Always going for the easy buck.

 
At 10:50 AM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

How does a poor person buy diamonds?

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger BWeaves said...

How is a poor carpenter going to corner the US Diamond Market? There's no way he's going to be able to marry a JAP.

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I think there is a better markup in cocaine. If you're going to smuggle something, go for the big stuff.

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger bumper_nuts said...

I think this one may actually be deeper than we think at first glance. Perhaps it's written in code. Like "Brazilian stones" = crack. And "US diamond market" = the ghettoi. Or maybe he's trying to tell us a story about a secret underground sex ring that wealthy white women are forced to enter upon the murder of their brother. Or maybe the plot twist is that once he corners the US dimaond market (if that's what he's really talking about, wink wink, nudge nudge), he *finally* gets the girl of his dreams!

Or maybe this query letter just sucks.

 
At 11:11 AM, Blogger classymac said...

Funny, I've never met a poor carpenter.

Isn't the diamond industry controlled by DeBeers, a global cartel?

 
At 11:15 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

Mario: Full of Gravel

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger Carl said...

Are the diamonds smuggled in bumper nuts?

If so, maybe I'd actually consider buying a set. Maybe.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

I thought I had something funny until I read Shelly's post and spit up all over my keyboard. Thanks.

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger penlies said...

Shelley's wins, nothing left to say. Next query please.

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

Carl, I actually thought of that, but where would he get the money to buy all those pickup trucks?

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Brazil doesn't really produce diamonds. Now set the film in Angola and you're on to something.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Carl said...

Maybe he gets the money for the pick up trucks by selling query letters. Hell, it's possible. This is fiction after all.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

Also, at $500 per carat (for high quality unfinished "Brazilian Stones") our hero would have to smuggle over 900,000 carats, or 3,000 pounds, to equal just 25% of DeBeers total production. Difficult to believe.

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger Delusional said...

o.o He must be a crappy carpenter!

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger GobiasInc said...

Many people falsely assume that just because you're a poor carpenter's son your mild mannered. Besides Jesus, poor carpenter's sons are an evil bunch. All the ones I know would just as soon stab you in the back and smuggle dimonds as look at you.

 
At 2:20 AM, Blogger Africanuck said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:25 AM, Blogger Africanuck said...

People with terminal illnesses volunteer for program Starship Earth. Altering their molecules cures them but gives them extraordinary abilities. The group orbits Earth as a doomsday Earth defense. Alien diamonds are discovered on an asteroid and mined. When the rebellious miners of the "Diamond Planet", led by the son of a poor carpenter, corner the market, Starship Earth is recalled to save DeBeers.

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger cinekat said...

Does he have an identity other than that of "carpenter's" son? Heck, if the shmuck went and got himself a job maybe he wouldn't have to go and destroy the Brazilian ecoystem and exploit the indigenous population.

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

THIS IS NOT A MOVIE PLOT!

Hey I've got one: A retarded factory worker who packages the marbles for Hungry Hippos games find a way to corner the market on gerbils by smuggling them into the country. I even have an idea how the gerbils would be smuggled in and who should play the lead.

Now please just get my fries and f%&* off!

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Space Shark said...

"We'll smuggle the dimonds out of the country using our bodies."

"Ouch. I don't think I like the sound of that. Isn't there an eaiser way to corner the US Dimond market?"

"Shut-up or I'll hit you with my Dad's hammer!"

 
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