Monday, February 28, 2005

Yet another lets-go-back-in-time-to-kill-Hitler script

"Logline: A man goes back in time to kill Adolf Hitler and finds his actions have unintended consequences.

Genre: Sci-fi/Action

A Jewish guy is sent back in time by his university professor to kill Hitler, for the good of mankind, the night in 1933 he came to power in Germany. When he arrives back in 2004, New York City is now New Berlin City and the United States is now part of the German Unified Territories. He must find a way to undo what has been done."

272 Comments:

At 11:35 AM, Blogger adhv1120 said...

Thanks for the schadenfreude!

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger Carneconpapas said...

Oh, I get it. It's BACK TO THE FUHRER! Starring Michael J. Foxfire.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Phil Aldridge said...

The moral of the story: The world needs Hitler.

Thanks for the tip!

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger Amy said...

so does he kill him, or not? if he did, couldn't he just go back a second time, to the day before he um, went back before, and stop himself from killing hitler?

and how on earth, supposing he did kill hitler, did germany only then successfuly take over the US?

so many questions...so little chance they will ever be answered.

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

This person totally stole my idea! Except, at the end, in a surprise twist...

Wait for it...

The hero ends up becoming Hitler to save the human race!

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I never understand these time travel ideas. Why go back to the day he siezes power? Why not go back to when Hitler was, like, 6, and get him in the schoolyard? Get goering, Speer, Himmler, the whole bunch, while they're still in short pants. Despite mastering the high level physics presumably involved in time travel these guys don't seem very bright.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Chris said...

Nice job "Jewish Guy"

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Alex Epstein said...

I'm pretty sure I read a science fiction story about this, maybe 25 years ago.

No one really cares about the Nazis any more -- I'd be far more interested in a world where the Native Americans didn't get wiped out, or the Moslems took over Europe -- but it's not a truly terrible idea, is it?

Just not a produceable movie.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Now is that Planet Berlin Territories? If it is then we have the makings of a pretty darn cool flick.

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger sharpie said...

Cool! Does this mean the US or er.. this part of the German Unified Territories gets to have an autobahn? Now I can drive my DeLorean to 88mph and see some serious shit!

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger 5 said...

I'm assuming this is the prequel to Mel Brooks' "Jews In Space".

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger sharpie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger SpaceMonkey said...

Are Jew kidding me?

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger ebrown2112 said...

Perhaps he confused Hitler and FDR?

 
At 1:49 PM, Blogger Carl said...

I'm confused, why is New York renamed New Berlin City?

New York City is New York City because it's a city in New York.

Did the state of New York get renamed New Berlin as well???

If so, why was it renamed after a city and not a region, like New Rhineland or something (in a similar way to way New York is named after York).

...Oh, forget it.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

"A Jewish guy is sent back in time by his university professor to kill Hitler, for the good of mankind, the night in 1933 he came to power in Germany."

I'm calling the Grammar Nazis right now! Before you inflict your hideous use of English onto an unsuspecting public, please learn how to diagram a sentence.

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Lola said...

I agree with Reg...

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

So Lola, we'll send our "Jewish Guy" back to 1900, when Hitler and his gang were 10 or 11 years old. He'll chase them all over the place for the entire film, eliminating the reich one diminutive evildoer at a time. I envision scenes very similar to the chicken chase in Rocky.


Somehow I don't think they'll be banging our doors down for this one.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger Red said...

I hate to be difficult, but York *is* a city. The region is called Yorkshire.

Actually, I really enjoy being difficult.

I enjoy this blog more, though, to the extent that I've gone and signed up so I can irritate you all with my (virtual) squeals of delight.

Does anyone know of anything similar showcasing the best of the worst novel synopses?

Red

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger se_la_vie said...

"Cool! Does this mean the US or er.. this part of the German Unified Territories gets to have an autobahn? Now I can drive my DeLorean to 88mph and see some serious shit!"

I am so up for that!

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger bicoastalguy said...

The question is, when he arrives back in 2004, is George W. Bush still president? And why does he have to undo anything? After all, the trains run on time, don't they? And you still can't have same-sex marriages in most staes. Isn't that the best of both worlds?

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

"...to kill Hitler, for the good of mankind, the night in 1933 he came to power in Germany."

Oh, and another thing...you can't kill someone the evening they come into power. The machinery is already working, staff has been hired, Dozar furniture rented, petty cash has already been exhausted on paying off the executive producer's slutty girlfriend and nearby delivery menus compiled in a book on the temp's desk out front. At least kill him before pre-production.

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger William Shatner Is Dead said...

Step 1:
Create a sequel to the Mask.

Step 2:
Now, make a family film with Vin Diesel.

Step 3:
Finally, cast Woody Allen as an action hero in a science fiction movie.

Thank you, whoever wrote this, for making my dream realized! I'll see you all in the Apocalypse.

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger fritzhunt said...

Wait, wait, wait, wait. As we all know, any attempt to go back in time to change history must have been foiled because if this "jewish guy" (and why does he have to be jewish, can't modern Irish americans hate hitler enough to kill him too???) really went back in time to kill Hitler, and was successful, then by modern day 2005 there would have been no need to go back in time to kill him, as there would have been no holocaust, etc. This being said, there would be no "New Berlin" that would have forced our hero to go back in time again to stop himself from killing hitler again so...wait, am I the only one getting confused by all these time paradoxes here???

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"..United States is now part of the German Unified Territories." The "G.U.T."? I can hear that Springsteen song now..."Born in the G-U-T! I was born in the G-U-T..."

Hey! Wouldn't the Japanese Guys have anything to say about this? I seem to remember hearing about them being like involved in that war or something...

Also, didn't the lamest...er...latest...Twilight Zone do something like this? Word to the wise, anytime anyone can ask this question about your script, start over.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

Nice to see the Grand Dragon finally finished his script.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger jackastral said...

Said "Jewish guy" should write about it from aloft his raised compound, or: High Castle, if you must. He should make sure that his speculative history is disconnected enough from reality and consequences so as to appear thought-provoking.

---
This has gotten me thinking. Honestly, my major professor has been holding out on me! First he denies me a chance to ride in his flying car! Next he finks out on telling me the cure to the common cold! And now he won't allow me go back in time to write my essay on famous dudes in history! This is more than a bummer; I'm beginning to suspect he's... an EVIL SCIENTIST!! Oh, you know, hilarity ensues!!

 
At 5:45 PM, Blogger fictvicious said...

Why doesn't anyone ever try to rig up a Greyhound Ameri-Cruiser for time travel, fill it with free Prozac starter packs and set the dial for October 24th, 1929? Then what would we call the 1930's, eh? I can so totally hear the wind whistle in my nose hairs.

 
At 8:35 PM, Blogger Brain Trepaning said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 8:38 PM, Blogger Brain Trepaning said...

A serial killer who preys on children is being hunted, but the killer is actually a future soldier sent back to kill a Hitler-type and his army while they are still children.

http://trepaning.com

 
At 10:57 PM, Blogger Jersey3000 said...

Helloooooo Weinerschnitzels!

 
At 12:47 AM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

Slight amendments and you're there. Instead of killing Hitler the Jewish person goes back to Hitler's younger years to befriend him and influence him into turning his hatred towards another group...screenwriters. Hitler doesn't go on to lead Germany instead chosing to move to Hollywood and start a draconian brotherhood of producers who secretly kill off screenwriters for pitching stupid, overdone, outdated rubbish. Ich bin ein Hollywooder.

 
At 2:10 AM, Blogger Hunter said...

In the end, he fucks up the mission and never comes back. The professor gives him a D+ for effort.

As an added twist, in 2004 we see that the professor IS Hitler.

... never mind. That's just stupid.

 
At 4:37 AM, Blogger Fist said...

The Germans never had any plans to invade America (can ya think why?), and it's logistically inevitable that at its most successful their campaign would have had to stop in Europe and Asia. And that's the only reason for rejecting this story, uh huh.

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger quicksilverlining said...

hmm. interesting. did you know that hitler's mom actually thought of aborting him? truly. that woulda saved our hero lotsa time travel, eh?

 
At 8:04 AM, Blogger jamester said...

I'm pretty sure Harlan Ellison would need more than mere money and a "suggested by" credit to kill the pain this movie would cause...

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger LC Sulla said...

Let's CAST this bad-boy... Adam Sandler is due for a REALLY inappropriate action role as the "Jewish Guy"... Casting Hitler is always a challange...Robert Downey Jr. did Charlie Chaplin, maybe he can pull off another 1920s mustachioed rapscallion. In an ironic twist, the time travel professor is....Michael J. Fox.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Fringe said...

Just one question: if the professor created the time machine, why can't *he* be the one to go back in time? What, does he believe murder is wrong? So he tells his Jewish student "go, kill Hitler or I flunk you." Maybe this is all just a setup for a Moral Reasoning final exam.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger jackastral said...

College guy
Hey, Jewish guy, what are you doing for your senior thesis?

Jewish guy
Oh, going back in time to kill Hitler.

CG
I heard some Gypsy guy at MIT already did his Master's thesis on that.

JG
What were this Gypsy guy's results?

CG
Turns out that he killed Hilter's good, twin brother by mistake.

JG
The irony! One of these days we're actually going to get Hitler without there being any unintended consequences.

 
At 11:24 PM, Blogger jb68 said...

Hitlerarity ensues.

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger jb68 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 11:55 PM, Blogger jb68 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:02 AM, Blogger tobzoska said...

Accidentally there was Time Cop 2 on tv last evening and guess what, the Bad Guy (among other things) wanted to do something like that: kill Hitler before he starts the war. I guess another story on it is quite useless...

 
At 1:21 AM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

THERE'S A SEQUEL TO TIME COP? Maybe this script has legs as Time Cop 3 - Revenge of the Jew. It's definitely Mel Brooks opportunity to crossover into more serious roles.

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger Vanhoven said...

Good start. Okay, let's call the Jewish guy, Seth, and make him an archeology student. When he kills Hitler in the past, he adopts Hitler's German Shepard, Blondie. When they come back to the present, Blondie and Seth become inseparable as he takes Blondie on all his archeology digs, including the most recent one in Israel. They discover the burial coffer of St. James, Jesus' brother. But when Seth leaves and returns with the media for the opening of the coffer, Blondie has beaten them to it. The German Shepard has also eaten all the bones it contained and now the dog can perform miracles. The first miracle on Blondie's list, to resurrect Hitler, and he's pissed. Hi-jinks ensue as Seth and Blondie race to stop Hitler's Final Solution. We'll call it, "Furious Fuhror." I see Mel Gibson directing.

 
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At 7:03 AM, Blogger TheMattstard said...

From the Amazon descriptions of Stephen Fry's "Making History"
-----------
Michael Young, an earnest young history graduate student, has just finished his dissertation, an exploration into the roots of evil and the early life of Adolf Hitler. When he meets up with an aging German physicist, they concoct an idealistic experiment that involves time travel to prevent the conception of the Fuhrer. It will change the course of history, but will it create a better world? With characteristic brilliance and wit, Fry presents a thought-provoking alternate history that is both trenchant and deeply affecting.

...

Hitler has been replaced by another dictator, Rudolf Gloder, who succeeds where Hitler has failed and conquered Europe and pretty much killed all Jews. Therefore Michael, Steve, a friend of the American Michael, and Leo create ANOTHER time machine to redo what they've done and they all end up back in Cambridge (where both Michael and Steve CAN remember what happened and Leo can't, again god knows why).

 
At 11:58 PM, Blogger Bargaintuan said...

Michael Caine plays Hitler, right?

I mean, he does accents now.

 
At 10:48 PM, Blogger Michael Duff said...

Has anybody ever written a story where somebody goes back in time, kills Hitler, and everything turns out great? A utopia run by benevolent European Jews?

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger m0r1arty said...

Does he also discover the hidden Nazi gold under Tower Bridge in London and discover he's the secret lovechild of JFK and Marilyn Monroe?

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger m0r1arty said...

oh and it'd be 'The Doctor' not 'The Jewish Student' that is best at time travel.

:)

 
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