Wednesday, February 09, 2005

This is long, but it's sooooooooo worth it.

"CUFFS"
Dark Comedy

LOG LINE:

A prison guard ghost returns to oust a flamboyant warden and his dimwitted gang.

SYNOPSES:

A dark comedy which operates on several important levels. This unique screenplay takes on America scandalous prison culture exposing, with outrageous satirical humor, a hidden society which is rife with corruption and the abuse of power.

We are introduced to BEAR, a mystical Native American Shapeshifter and his Spirit Animal Army. With help from Great Stone Mother, Bear and his loyal followers set out to reclaim a sacred Paiute burial ground where an imposing prison now stands.

Enter JAMES "CUFFS" CALLAHAN, the story s pivotal character. Cuffs is a former prison Corrections Officer who returns from the dead with his K-9 companion IKE to the high desert of southern Nevada to take on and expose a corrupt warden and his flunky cohorts.

We meet Cuffs when he is alive, working as a conscientious and caring Corrections Officer at the prison. When Cuffs discovers that the prisoners are being fed food labeled "Unfit for Human Consumption" He confronts the arrogant Warden Robert Shivetz. Outraged by Cuffs' insolent behavior, Shivetz fires him.

Depressed and drowning in alcohol, Cuffs takes his own life with a gun. However, Bear captures Cuffs spirit and decides to shapeshift into a psychiatrist. He helps Cuffs open up, tell the truth, and take responsibility for his senseless act.

Cuffs returns to the prison as a ghost bent on revenge. Bear is also at the prison, posing as a convict. Together, Cuffs and Bear join forces from the spirit and ghost worlds to standup for humanity against the misuse of power behind prison walls.

For example, Bear is able at will to shapeshift and summon his faithful Spirit Animal Army to aid him and Cuffs inside the prison.

As the story unfolds, we meet a number of fascinating characters including Senator Clancy, the voice of reason; Sgt. Otis Newcomb, a dimwitted brute, the vivacious Lt. Sandy Adams, and Trooper Bob, among others.

Cuffs has a crush on Sandy. She becomes attracted to him as well, but unfortunately, it's not meant to be. Cuffs, a ghost, and Sandy human. Never the twain shall meet.

The story ends on a positive, upbeat note. Bear and his Spirit Animal Army are able to restore respect and dignity to their Paiute sacred burial ground. Clancy advances to become Vice President of The United States and later, by a twist of fate, assumes the Presidency. Cuffs join President Clancy as his aide-de-camp with Bear and his loyal Spirit Animal Army in tow.

Cuffs emerges as a scathing dark comedy which not only exposes the corrupt conduct of authority figures but also challenges our imagination, leaving hope in spirit and heart for a better day."

34 Comments:

At 6:20 PM, Blogger Sifl_and_Olly said...

I tried to shapeshift into a psychiatrist once. That's a hard form to keep up for too long. Bear must be one helluva shapeshifter.

 
At 7:04 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"Cuffs join President Clancy as his aide-de-camp with Bear and his loyal Spirit Animal Army in tow."

I would love to see these Senate confirmation hearings.

 
At 12:45 AM, Blogger Elisa said...

Mother of God, it's 'Dave' meets 'The Dead Zone' meets 'Ghost' meets 'Shawshank'

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger Andy said...

I had a dream EXACTLY like this about a week ago.

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger John Coktosin said...

When Cuffs discovers that the prisoners are being fed food labeled "Unfit for Human Consumption" He confronts the arrogant Warden Robert Shivetz.

Not to mention the pre-dinner tossed-salad they're getting.

 
At 9:22 AM, Blogger Kurt Halfyard said...

It will be a modern day Billy Jack!!

/must have hippie culture worked in somewhere.

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger Will said...

The best of the best from the prison screenwriting workshops!

 
At 10:27 AM, Blogger Paul the Spud said...

"Trooper Bob?"

"TROOPER BOB?!?"

Oh, my cup runneth over. Please let this be made... the world needs to meet Trooper Bob...

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger Jason Pritchett said...

I just found this site through a link from Moviecitynews.com. I did a similar column a couple of years ago at Kevin Smith's Moviepoopshoot.com. If you enjoy these query letters, perhaps you'll get a kick out of my columns, as well.

Several are archived here: http://www.moviepoopshoot.com/delusions/archives.html , although many were lost due to a hacker attack. Enjoy!

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger Seagull Herpes said...

It would have been better if, through a twist of fate, Cuffs became president and Bear vice-president. I mean, how great would it be to have an un-dead president and his shape-shifting sidekick leading the country? Oh, wait...

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger Hippy Joe said...

Wow. I didn't think anything could be more pathetic than some of these queries...then along came Jason.

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger Jason Pritchett said...

Huh? Why was my posting pathetic? I'm not trying to "steal" readers away from this site--I don't even write the column anymore, and haven't since 2003. I just thought that people who liked this site would enjoy something similar. Sorry if I did something inappropriate.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Ward Churchill wrote this didn't he?

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Ward Churchill wrote this didn't he?

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

so nice, i posted twice.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Ben said...

The question is, is Christian Slater available to reprise his role as Cuffs?

Oh, I'm sorry...I'm thinking of Kuffs.

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger shawn said...

Dude, I worked in a prison. If only it were this interesting... And you know what, we all stuff unfit for human consumption -- no one cares!

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger c.e.shinola said...

I kept reading, thinking, OK, now This must be the part that is soooooo, no, no, that's clearly not it.

So THIS must be the part that is sooooo, no, no,

Then it was over and I felt cheap and maybe a little humiliated.
And I didn't even know why...

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger Billy Twillig said...

aw, c'mon hippy bob, I went over to Jason's site, and I gotta admit, the baby Jesus idea was pretty funny. Having scans of the original letter were pretty good, too.

And this movie? I think it screams for Lou Diamond Phillips' comeback.

Eddie

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Chief Blatherer said...

Holy crap. I think I read this 6 years ago as a reader at Marty Katz Prods!!

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger Jason Pritchett said...

Thanks, Eddie. Glad you liked what you saw. I wish I would have kept going with the column, but it's nice to see that a site like this exists to continue the legacy! :)

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger R J Keefe said...

Can anyone remember an instance of a man's being called "vivacious?" Regardless of SO?

 
At 6:48 AM, Blogger EvilPundit said...

Thanks for the link, Jason.

"Serial rapist -killer prolongs murdering attractive widow cattle rancher as her six-year-old son is trapped in hay barn by killer bees." Pure gold.

 
At 11:59 PM, Blogger Kennedy said...

the prisoners are being fed food labeled "Unfit for Human Consumption"And then he kills himself. Sheesh, that would mean I'd have to kill myself every time I opened my fridge!

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Sylko said...

OMG, this is bad. I have a problem with anyone using Native American spirituality unless I know they know what the hell they're talking about!

I once got a script (note, I am NOT involved in Hollywood at all, but I was in grad school for English at the time, so this guy gave me his script to read to get advice), and for some reason, he set it on a reservation. The first scene involved a naked woman and shooting, so he really thought he had a winner. I never finished reading it, it was so bad.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Windy City Wendy said...

"I once got a script (note, I am NOT involved in Hollywood at all, but I was in grad school for English at the time, so this guy gave me his script to read to get advice)"

Sorry Working Mama, I just had to laugh...I haven't seen such an emphatic denial since I was in high school and got caught smoking pot.

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger Frazier said...

he keeps referring to this as a "dark comedy" but i can't figure out which parts are SUPPOSED to be funny, and which are just so ridiculous they are funny...

 
At 9:12 AM, Blogger TJ said...

Personally, I don't see how the movie could be funnier than the query letter.

 
At 10:53 AM, Blogger The Fife said...

I was approached by a kid about three years ago to help him re-write his prison script. I swear it sounds like the same story, except that it had wall-to-wall homosexual sex scenes and to get to the Nevada prison you had to cross over a river full of alligators. If this is the same guy, I'm kind of disappointed he cut out the best parts!

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Max Kelada said...

"Flamboyant warden?"...
If Charles Nelson Reilly isn't available, try Stone Cold Steve Austin.

 
At 4:19 AM, Blogger Hunter said...

I am in awe...

my only question would be: where does one purchase food with labels from the FDA reading "Unfit for human consumption"?

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

It's K-9 meets Brother Bear meets Shawshank Redemption meets Patriot Games meets The Doors?
Steven Seagal would love this script but you'd need a Jim Belushi type to give it that comedy edge.

Does this take place on Planet America or that other one?

 
At 2:27 AM, Blogger Hunter said...

HOLY SHIT! This is an excellent political parody of the Bush Administration!

George W. Bush is the protagonist, a ghost because that's how he always felt in comparison to Brother Jeb. Brother Jeb is Bear, who helped him borrow some elections.

The prison gang would be the homosexual community (gay marriages), as they seem to be led by a "flamboyant warden", whom I suppose would be Spongebob Squarepants now. Perhaps even the mayor of San Francisco who was doing gay marriages illegally.

"As the story unfolds, we meet a number of fascinating characters including Senator Clancy, (COLIN POWELL) the voice of reason; Sgt. Otis Newcomb, (JOHN ASHCROFT) a dimwitted brute, the vivacious Lt. Sandy Adams (CONDI RICE), and Trooper Bob, (DONALD RUMSFELD) among others."

I figured it out by the end paragraph:

“Cuffs emerges as a scathing dark comedy which not only exposes the corrupt conduct of authority figures but also challenges our imagination, leaving hope in spirit and heart for a better day."

You’re God damn right! Well done, Mr. Screenwriter - I applaud you!

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger bloggirl1272 said...

You have a awesome blog!

I've got a mens sexual health site. It's about mens sexual health related info.

Come see when you can..

 

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