Monday, February 28, 2005

Please answer this question.

"What would happen if an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman had a life-changing reunion with his dead father that forced him to re-examine his life?"

117 Comments:

At 9:29 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

He would crap his pants.

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger Torgo said...

Well, I believe Governor Schwarzenegger's new bill allows for eight years in jail...

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger gwendemarco said...

Would he realize that he stepped into Big Time Character Cliche Theatre...which is right next door to Plot Convenience Playhouse?

 
At 9:41 AM, Blogger adhv1120 said...

What happens when a "writer" watches Frequency, Field of Dreams and In Good Company?

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Phil Aldridge said...

"What would happen if an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman had a life-changing reunion with his dead father that forced him to re-examine his life?"

Same thing that happens everytime an emotionally shallow but successful businessman has a life-changing experience. I mean, this premise has only been done about 5,134 times, you'd think the writer would have some idea...

"What would happen if someone built a big 'uncrashable' spaceship and two people fell in love on it before it crashed into a giant comet? I call it 'Gigantic'".

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger Carneconpapas said...

I know exactly what would happen. Upon re-examining his life the shallow but highly succesful business man would realize that he wasn't all that succesful after all, that he was actually a cashier at a Jack In The Box and that if he had enough will power to get off the smack he would stop having these life-changing encounters with dead relatives. Unfortunately in the end, the man gets fired from Jack In The Box and has no money for smack, so he takes on something a bit more affordable, crack, and begins having life-changing encounters with the cops, which again force him to re-examine his life. I say this has all the makings of a franchise.

 
At 9:47 AM, Blogger Reg Dunlop said...

I am an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman and I think Sharpie is right. Bust out the depends. Lots o pant crapping.

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger fritzhunt said...

Well, I was going to post an equally witty, biting comment but the posting by Carneconpapas pretty much says it all... God bless Hollywood and their obsession with "coming of age" stories which apparently makes these things marketable...

 
At 10:09 AM, Blogger Miguel said...

Hilarity Ensues!

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger William Shatner Is Dead said...

Wait wait wait.

Why stop at reuniting with his dead father?! Hell, why don't we go psychological, and have him reunite with his childhood self. We can call it "The Kid"! Come on, folks, the Oscars are only 364 days away, and time is money.

 
At 10:51 AM, Blogger Meg said...

Ben Affleck, get it on this early!!

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger Phil Aldridge said...

By the way, did the writer mention how this reunion would take place? Is he meeting with his Zombie Father or what?

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger MDS said...

"What would happen if an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman had a life-changing reunion with his dead father that forced him to re-examine his life?"

Wasn't this the plot of A Christmas Carol?

Oh wait, that was an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman who had a life-changing reunion with his dead PARTNER that forced him to re-examine his life. Totally different. I don't know the answer to THIS question.

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger 5 said...

"Vice Versa 2: Beyond the Grave"

 
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At 12:40 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

I consulted with that Jeopardy Dude and we came up with : What is a 1/2 star waste-of-time film staring Ben Afflack and J'Lo?

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger ebrown2112 said...

He would think of a better story idea.

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger spongebucket said...

The emotionally shallow but highly successful business man would of course find a way to market proof of life after death, and thus exploit his father's resurrection in pursuit of the almighty dollar.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger evilzorac said...

"What would happen if an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman had a life-changing reunion with his dead father that forced him to re-examine his life?"

Straight to the video in hopes somebody will rent it without reading the reviews.

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger bicoastalguy said...

Hey, maybe we can combine a couple of these.

"On the way back in time to hook up with his long dead father, Mr. Emotionally Shallow stops off to do in Adolf. Now a war hero, he's reunited with his father and mother as teenagers, and falls in love with... (wait for it) HIS FATHER! (Father played by Clint Eastwood in the latest example of old dogs and new tricks.)

Returning to the present day, our hero makes good on the life-changing experience by joining the cast of Queer Eye.Did we cover all the buzz words?

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger The Gambino Crime Family said...

"What would happen if an emotionally shallow but highly successful businessman had a life-changing reunion with his dead father that forced him to re-examine his life?"

As opposed to all those times when people rise from the dead and it makes no dif whatsoever?

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger BethBlogs said...

Wait, let me check. Hold on, I'm pulling out "101 Cliched Plots". It's on the shelf next to my Robert McKee collection. Okay... here. Wait, no, that's Body Switching. And this one is for Time Travel. Wait, got it, here, under Events That Sound Interesting But Really Aren't. And the answer is...

... the highly succesful businessman would re-examine his life.

Wait, are you saying that you gave away the ending in the log line? What kind of talentless hack wanna-be screenwriter are you?

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"...a life-changing reunion with his dead father that forced him to re-examine his life?"

Him? His? Who? He? His Dad?

 
At 4:58 PM, Blogger jackastral said...

On Shelley's point:
What would happen if a son must reexamine his father's life as a result of constant nagging from his dead/undead/ghost father?

Answer: He'd be counting the days until his dad would be out of his life once more (and yes, I took the same pronouncular liberty (and yes, took the greater liberty of making up a word for it (and yes, I am using too many parenthetical phrases))).

 
At 5:05 PM, Blogger A Legend Among Whispers said...

"I see dead pater..."

I'm supposing that this is the same father who raised him to be emotionally shallow, so unless his mother was one of the Amazonian women who killed dear ol' Dad right after mating, I don't put much stock in the reunion being "life-changing."

Of course, we're all assuming that Dad comes back from the dead, when we'd all be better off if Junior -- and this manuscript -- were both tossed into the fires of Hell.

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Annoynimus said...

I wonder if the rest of the query is all written in questions:

"Can you believe this is my first screenplay? Did you know I think Brad Pitt will star? What would happen if I'd send you a copy?"

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger fictvicious said...

Little help, please! Would his father try to eat his brain during their reunion? Were they fairly physically demonstrative of affection as the businessman, we'll call him Samuel, was growing up? Why is it called sweet AND sour when my synaptical friggins can only register one OR the other at any given instant. Sweet...sour...sweet..sour.sweet.sweet again..now sour...

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger MorbiusLives said...

Having crapped my pants when I met my dead father, I can tell you, this is no picnic. Dad didn't try to eat my brains or even ask me to avenge his death. He only said that he had come to warn me about inane screenplays written by inept amateurs who never once had an original idea.

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger Jersey3000 said...

He will pay off the cops for not reporting the fact that he dug up his dead father and now plays gin rummy with his carcass.

 
At 12:57 AM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

He would become a better person for it. It's so simple yet so inspiring. Thank you for teaching me how to love again in so few words. Finally a script that would perfectly pair John Denver and Michael Landon together. Get them signed and you've got yourself a movie.

 
At 1:45 AM, Blogger spongebucket said...

OK.. ok.. trust me I GOT IT
Michael Landon never really died. His brain is being preserved by Nazis alongside Hitler's rather shrivelled cerebellum, and the underground Gestapo marries their DNA to produce a pure aryan truck driver who shares his truck with monkey.

 
At 1:45 AM, Blogger spongebucket said...

OK.. ok.. trust me I GOT IT
Michael Landon never really died. His brain is being preserved by Nazis alongside Hitler's rather shrivelled cerebellum, and the underground Gestapo marries their DNA to produce a pure aryan truck driver who shares his truck with monkey.

 
At 2:05 AM, Blogger Hunter said...

Mr. Shallow: Father! You've risen!

Dead Father: You need to re-evaluate your life.

Mr. Shallow: By dropping less acid?

Dead Father: That would be it.

Mr. Shallow: THANK YOU FATHER! You have changed my life!

Dead Father: Let us pray.

 
At 5:53 AM, Blogger sergeantpepper said...

I LOVED this movie when it was called 'A Christmas Carol', and the father was played the ghost of Christmas' Past!

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger doofus_boy said...

OK, I've really got it. It's a little bit A Christmas Carol and a little bit Freaky Friday, with some back-in-time-to-kill-Hitler for good measure:

When the shallow businessman meets his dead father, they trade places! Having already re-examined his life, the father decides that he didn't get quite enough sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll while he was alive. So, he sells his shallow son to the ghost of Hitler for the opportunity to go back and engage in some corporeal bad craziness.

To coin a phrase: "Hilarity ensues!"

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger JD said...

Beats me, but I'm pretty sure "Solsbury Hill" would start playing in the background...

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Gildencarl said...

The Simpsons did a treatment of this with Bart as Omlet or Hamlet or something.

 
At 6:41 AM, Blogger Just_A_Rat said...

Okay, so the father turns out to be a "Jewish Guy" who was sent back in time to kill Hitler, only to find that when he returned to his own time, his once-fun loving son, now living on "Planet America" is now an emotionally shallow businessman. So he kills himself, only to return from the dead to get his son to re-examine his life. The son then travels back in time to stop the father from travelling back in time to kill Hitler.

And with apologies to JD, I'm thinking Mike and the Mechanics' "In the Living Years" as the centerpiece of the soundtrack.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger gamblin fool said...

Can it be that life-changing if it doesn't force you to re-examine your life?

I guess only if you live in New Berlin.

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Ned said...

Um, let me see, he'd start reading a lot of asshole books about new-age spirituality and then he'd try to write a moralistic screen-play about his experiences...

OR

He would decide to abandon his materialistic lifestyle and go to work for a charity who reunites orphaned children with the ghosts of their parents.

 
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