Friday, February 25, 2005

I love this new school writing style: Very 5th Grade

"Jen's dates are disasters, so she hires the date coach Greg Woozer, offering "total date management", going on simulated dates, grading and coaching dates. Greg falls in love with Jen. Jen is supposed to marry rich Ted, but loves Greg. Greg punches out Ted. Jen and Greg get married. The Waterboy meets There's Something About Mary."

76 Comments:

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Phil Aldridge said...

Greg Woozer?

Like "Greg Woos Her"?

Ahahahahaha

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger Dolphin said...

Dear ManagerGuy. Thank you, thank you. I've found my giggle a day and will send this link to every writing buddy I know. Congrats on the CNN coverage. Nice to know that someone else is at loose ends too, isn't it?

Regarding 'Very 5th Grade' - you're giving primary schools throughout the nation a bad name. Hey, but maybe the pitch has really been made by a fifth grader! If so, not bad. Not bad at all. Give 'em more time and they'll be working for Miramax.

 
At 9:31 AM, Blogger roxy said...

i thought she could not get dates? why would she want to date if she is getting married? 5th grade meets 5th wheel

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger dirkus said...

If she's marrying rich Ted, why did she go to poor Greg?

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

It's The Waterboy meets There's Something About Mary meets Hitch. Or maybe you just copied all three?

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger Stacey said...

...meets Rock n' Roll High School. Only without Joey Ramone gnawing on a chicken leg. And without Paul Bartel and Mary Woronov. And without a decent script, director or actors. And without rock n' roll. Yawn.

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger sharpie said...

Wouldn't it be cool of all your problems could be solved by punching out someone?

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger Shelley123 said...

"Wouldn't it be cool of all your problems could be solved by punching out someone? "

Wait....you mean they aren't?!?!?!?

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Meg said...

And Meg Ryan has not snapped this little gem up? Wow!

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Bishopdic said...

They already made this. I know they did, I was dragged to see HItch this weekend.

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Stan said...

Could we get Ben Affleck to star. Please...

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger PeteTDX said...

To write a successful script, you need to have:

1) A great attention-grabber
2) Solid story structure
3) Creativity

This has none of these. IT has less than none of these. If I looked in the deepest hole in the deepest pile of shit, i would find better queries.

This pitch has made me lose my will to live. I would renounce all beliefs, but I refuse to believe this world would be so cursed as to allow this concept to be published for other people to see, other than those currently burning in hell.

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger Jersey3000 said...

Greg falls in love with Jen, Jen marries rich Ted, Jen loves Greg, Greg punches Ted, Jen & Greg get married, I commit Harakiri in the movie theater.

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger Hunter said...

Where does "The Waterboy" fit in? Is she hiring someone with an IQ of 82 to coach her on dating?

I know a Down Syndrome afflictee who came up with more intricate shit than this.

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger Sluglinus said...

"Greg punches out Ted. Jen and Greg get married."

See Spot write query. Read query and gag.

 
At 10:40 PM, Blogger anders3000 said...

Have it star J'Lo and P'Diddy. Give them a love scene. It'll make millions on opening weekend then disappear forever.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger BlissfulGirl said...

This query makes me want to punch Jen, Greg and Ted...but mostly Greg...and perhaps beat this writer with an undersized talking donkey.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger anotherwannabe said...

At least someone's paying attention to real movies here on Planet America (unlike the one with Seagull herpes). Must have heard about Hitch, predicted a hot trend, and whisked this off to you.

And in said mad rush to the last page we get Jen...about to marry rich Ted...who hires Greg because all her dates are disaters...but she's already engaged!

Wonder what would Brian Cox as McKee would say...?

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger Fringe said...

Wait, wait, wait. Is she being FORCED to marry Ted? I thought arranged marriages were a thing of the past. I mean, if Jen likes Greg and Greg likes Jen, what's the problem? Stupid, stupid query.

 
At 1:08 PM, Blogger ebrown2112 said...

Are you supposed to summarize the entire plot of the film in the query?

 
At 7:54 AM, Blogger jamester said...

Maybe this could just be the setup for Ted and Greg finding each other...

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger LC Sulla said...

I love stories about drop-dead gorgeous women who can't get dates.... gives me hope. I suggest Halle Barry as the lead here (she's looking for a follow-up blockbuster after Catwoman). Will Smith is already playing Greg... Let's get "the Donald" to play Ted. He's got an ass-kicking coming...

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Ministry of Information said...

Butt-munchin'Woozer wonder weasels...this is genius! My next child is definitely going to be named Woozer!

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger Taffy Doublewide said...

I just want to know where, exactly, Waterboy meets There's Something About Mary in all this. Is this person even old enough to watch those kinds of movies?

 
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This explains why the U.S. supported eugenics until the mid-1930s

 
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