Monday, December 13, 2004

I am SOOOOOOOOO going to make this.

"Can you guess what the following successful horror flicks, "Silent Night, Deadly Night," "Halloween," and "Valentine's Day" all have in common? Yup, that's right, they're all "holiday-themed" gore-fests! But there's one holiday that's never been adapted to a grisly big screen feature - and oddly enough - it's the biggest movie-going day of the year.

May we present for your consideration, "THE FEAST," a fast-paced, clever, "Thanksgiving-themed" horror/thriller that's not only unique and terrifying, it's destined to become a modern holiday "classic."

SYNOPSIS: A quiet, back-to-nature "Thanksgiving in the woods" turns into an unrelenting nightmare when a group of teens looking to escape the commercialism of the holidays, unearth an ancient prophesy that revives a long-dead, bloodthirsty Native American tribe. As the night unfolds, the kids spend the holiday battling an unending onslaught of demonic, revenge-seeking Indians spirits who are out to extract a violent revenge for the wrongs done to them four centuries ago.

Logline: A Cornucopia of Horrors. There Won't Be Any Leftovers Tomorrow.

Cover art on the DVD: A "Norman Rockwell-ish" family sits down to eat their oh-so American, Thanksgiving dinner. All eyes are on dad as heleans over to carve the turkey, so no one sees that just out past the picture window that looks in on their dining room, two Native American ghosts, both dripping with blood and covered in war paint, are staring in the window, axes poised, ready to strike....."

I love how the author already knows this is going straight to DVD.

178 Comments:

At 3:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to rip off one of the lamer episodes of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

 
At 4:04 PM, Blogger Lucky Lux said...

Don't forget My Bloody Valentine, or the eagerly awaited Fran Drescher/Chris Kattan vehicle Santa's Slay, starring Goldberg the wrestler as a homicidal Santa. The holiday season will never be the same.

 
At 4:54 PM, Blogger Louise said...

shivers then laughs manically

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Keith Blackwell said...

...a group of teens looking to escape the commercialism of the holidays...Yep, this is based on an entirely unrealistic, impossible premise.

Bravo.

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger Saint Nate said...

How's this for a logline:

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At 10:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Admittedly, that'd be a pretty nice title for a horror flick if it were associated with an idea that wasn't utter garbage.

 
At 4:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Can you guess what the following successful horror flicks, "Silent Night, Deadly Night," "Halloween," and "Valentine's Day" all have in common?

Yup, they were all made thirty years ago. When it seemed like a good idea to create a slasher film out of every possible subject.

 
At 4:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like this idea too -- as long as it's made with somebody else's money and reputation on the line. I wouldn't attach my name to this project, but I would netflix the DVD when it comes out.

-JM

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger BC said...

There is no movie called Valentines Day. its my bloody valentine or valentine (with David Boreanaz!!). jeesh, if you aspire to join a smallish genre of films, get the titles right.

and then write a different idea.

 
At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, I have some questions:

I'm part Indian (yeah, I know, everyone says that)...so would I be slaughtered with the Evil Whites, saved by the Noble Yet Murderous Savages or would I have to kill myself?

Isn't Thanksgiving with the in-laws and the Detroit Lions game bad enough without the thought of having to watch this holiday "classic" after pie?

Why don't these Indians just open a casino and kill us at the blackjack tables like their Morongo bretheren?

And finally, since when do teens look to "escape the commercialism" of anything? See what happens kids when you make a statement, you die horrible, painful deaths.

 
At 12:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And if there's one holiday that's really dripping with commercialism, its Thanksgiving. Its always a relief to get over the spectacle of Thanksgiving and into the quieter, introspective days of Christmas.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger jenny said...

I don't know... I mean, sure, this idea has it's problems, but so do all those giant ensemble cast epics that Hollywood keeps crapping out. I'd rent this movie. Hell, I'd probably go see it in the theaters.

Teenagers heading into the woods on some flimsy excuse so they can be slaughtered by random evils is a standard horror movie conceit. Holiday horror is a strong tradition in modern American gore. I think this has potential.

If I had a million dollars, I'd back it. I'd be the next Herschell Gordon Lewis, but without all the direct marketing nonsense.

 
At 12:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

umm why has no one mentioned that this script is actually being made as the PROJECT GREENLIGHT 3 movie?

and you call yourselves movie fans.

 
At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, we just work in the movie business, we never said we were fans.

 
At 6:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why waste the film stock on the "B" team. Forget the indians - how about the satanic Turkeys rise up and "stuff" the "teens". Turn the whole thing into a XXX straight to Video and do it in Danish? Forget the four centuries ago part - past history - it's all about last year at the Butterball plant. Just need a lot of human size turkey costumes. I think with all the action you can forget worrying about the young pretty teen parts and just use all the older porn stars who know what to do and still work cheap. Pioneer days aged people fast and any sagging and lines are all about truth and realism baby!

 
At 12:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nah, Southpark already did that.

 
At 2:32 PM, Blogger Torgo said...

A group of teens looking to escape sobriety unearths an ancient prophecy which unleashes an unending onslaught of spectral fat drunken Bavarians in "Oktoberfest". There you go, instantly a lot better.

 
At 5:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kids go into the woods, okay - but in late November? I bet it's set in the northern peninsula of Michigan. Just the right kind of cozy weather for a picnic.

 
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