Monday, December 13, 2004

How can so few words prompt so many questions?

"The Messiah or the Fuher...is one about to return?

Dresden, 1945: A secret Nazi experiment takes place to bring about the savior of the Third Reich. Are they trying to clone Hitler or are the Germans up to something much more sinister? Whispers of this monstrosity reach the Allies and bombing ensues.

Rome, present day: An urgent communique informs the Pope that the Shroud of Turin has gone missing. Who could have stolen it and what are the possible ramifications not only for western civilization, but also the world?"

Queries like this really make me think: How can one idiot writer have so many logical inconsistencies in about 4 sentences?

First, if Hitler is alive, why would he want to clone himself? What would Hitler's clone do?

Second, why would Hitler want to clone Jesus? It simply MAKES NO SENSE.

Third, - oh screw it, I give up.

22 Comments:

At 4:21 PM, Blogger grumpypants said...

Oh, I'm sure all those Hitlers are probably just, um, building new Autobahns, or something. Nothing to see here...

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger Louise said...

oh (frowns) and here I was thinking I'd at least watch this movie during the lull season in moviemaking. Oh well...

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Neb said...

I give up, too. My brain vapor-locked when I read this one.

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger Saint Nate said...

I hate query letters with questions in them.

The Messiah or the Fuher...is one about to return?

If I give an answer, the question will disappear.

Are they trying to clone Hitler or are the Germans up to something much more sinister?I don't dare to care.

Who could have stolen it and what are the possible ramifications not only for western civilization, but also the world?How many guesses do I get? Is it multiple choice?

Seriously, who got the bright idea that questions work for query letters? Can you imagine how that would have worked for Star Wars:A princess puts something in a robot before it launches for a desert planet. Did she put in a quarter or something else?A young man meets an old bearded mystic in the general. What does he know about his father?Our heroes are on the way to the planet Alderan, but it's not there. Where did it go? And what is that thing that looks like a moon?

 
At 1:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would enjoy the query much more if the word hilarity was put in place of the existing word bombing.

 
At 5:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, this makes a lousy movie. But how about an interactive, multiple-choice game?

The Messiah or the Fuher...is one about to return?
If you want the Messiah to return, press "A." If you want Hitler to return, press "B."

...Are they trying to clone Hitler or are the Germans up to something much more sinister?
If you want them to clone Hitler, press "A." If you want the Germans to be up to something much more sinister, press "B."
You have selected "B." Please make your much more sinister selection:
- If you want the Germans to clone Engelbert Humperdinck, press "A"
- If you want the Germans to clone George W. Bush, press "B"
- If you want the Germans to produce the "Bongo The Clown --AKA, Drake" movie and release it to the world, press "C"

 
At 8:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh no! So now they're Nazi tofu alternate-dimension evil clowns? What of the army of Viking midgets?

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger EmailGuy said...

"Are they trying to clone Hitler or are the Germans up to something much more sinister?"

What could be more sinister than cloning Hitler?

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger BC said...

Hitlers clone might be a little gay a la one of the Michael Keatons in Multiplicity. that could lead to HILARITY!!! Chris Kattan as gay hitler!!!

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Andrew said...

My writing partner turned me onto your site. Makes me feel better about my writing.

Is there any way you'd be willing to critique people's (my) log lines to help prevent them from sounding like this?

 
At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"After Hitler's suicide in April 1945, the remnants of the Nazi party were forced to make a choice: clone Hitler, or clone Jesus?" I hope time travel is involved!

 
At 9:52 PM, Blogger Cucumber said...

SARGE
We think they may be cloning Hitler sir.

MAJOR
Who f***ing cares?

 
At 10:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

at least the boys from brazil had it sort of right, where you can't get instant cloning

unless, you know, the shroud of turin is stolen, and then we watch for thirty or forty years, then maybe we get jesus or hitler or whatever, except you know without all of the formative experiences that made them sig - oh, fuck it, let's just make Wolfenstein into a movie and call it a day.

 
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